Will Transformers 3 Not Suck?

I liked the first one, and while the second one was … entertaining, it was also terribly by pretty much any other measure of quality.

The main problem is Michael Bay. He’s like George Lucas on cocaine - some good ideas, can do some amazing stuff with a camera, but damn if he doesn’t come up with some absolutely retarded ideas. With no one to control him, you get a hodgepodge of random garbage. Random shots of dogs humping? Extra screentime to vaguely racist caricature characters with no redeeming qualities? Robot girl with extendable tongue? Incoherent plot? Giant combiner testicles? Pointlessly long military armament montages?

I mean, I’m a huge Transformers fan, so I like seeing 'em on the screen, and I’d love to get some good characterization, good characters, and some great plotlines. It won’t happen, not with Bay. So I’m totally down with just turning it into “Optimus Prime Blows Shit Up and Tears Apart Evil Space Robots”, since that’s really the only good part of the series.

(Oh, and less damn shakey cam)

Racist caricature characters?

Really? Between the shaky-cam, the constant quick cuts, and the blinding lens flairs, I never really could focus my eyes long enough to see much in the way of effects. I would have loved to watch a bunch of cool robot fight scenes. Instead I got a bunch unintelligible noise and fury. That was ok (not great but ok) in a movie like Cloverfield where that was part of the point. But it was terrible in the Transformers movies. Michael Bay managed to even screw up even the “good” parts of the movies as far as I am concerned.

The twins. Caracaturing the dumb black stereotype.

And not even Jazz from the first movie “I’m black and cool” stereotype; but the “yes massa right away massa” stereotype.
I have high hopes for the third movie because I loved the second one better than the first. The main problem with the second was the degradation of the script from Shia and Megan doing some light improv as they did in the first movie, to toilet humor and lowest common denominator humor like the second.

But overall I will choose the second movie over the first. And yes I know I am the only one.

I’m going to predict it now: they’re going to shoot in 2d and convert to 3d, thus making it suck almost by definition.

Who knows? The first one was actually pretty good (except for the overly complicated Transformer designs). The second was sucky (except for splosion!). So if whoever was responsible for the non sucky parts of #1 is back in charge, it might not suck.

That would be executive producer Stephen Spielberg - all the sense of wonder and earnestness of the first film is generally attributed to him. He had little to do with the second film, and will have nothing to do with the third.

Well, they could make transformers 3 about a Tranformer warrior coming to terms with his robosexuality and how it might his ability to fight alongside his comrades. There could be a lot of shots of the Transformer looking off into space in deep thought while sappy music plays. It could be very full of emotion, a really dramatic character study with lots of deep conversations and an important message about acceptance and lving ones life.

Ang Lee could direct.

It does not have to suck or be oscar award winning, it simply has to make the equivalent of a medium size country’s GDP or there will be no T4.

This will be the movie you take your kid(s) and or your girlfriend/wife/mistress for the date movie or the family bonding.

All I need to see is Megan Fox in her usual pose and the movie is an automatic win, followed by giant robots beating the shit out of each other, followed by the US military , when not posing with frivolus tight tee shirt poses, cleaning up the transformers messes.

Declan

There is zero chance it won’t suck. It will also make about $500 million for whatever studio produces it.

Such is life.

The latest sign it might not suck: Megan Fox has been kicked off the movie. Happy days will be here again when Hollywood’s obsession with this bimbo is over.

Although lately they seem to have latched onto Christina Hendricks while all asking the same dumb question: “Does having big boobies make it hard to be successful?”

I feel the opposite. This just gives them an excuse to not confront the reason why her character sucked.

As long as it is a photo-journalistic essay I think it is a very valid question.

“Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2!
Chaka’s Production Assistant: Or House Party 3.
Chaka: Shut the fuck up!”

I’m tryin to read between the lines and am gettin the impression that this is an unhappy group of people. If it was just fox, I’d write it off as the usual, but Shia has also made some comments.

I guess Megs was expendable while Shia was not, but I would not be surprised if he dies, heroically, but dead none the less. I will have to await the movie to see who the replacement looker is, and how she does, before I comment on if dumping Megs was a good franchise move.

Any one notice or hear who the replacement will be , and will she be a separate character or same character , just different actress.

Autobots roll out

Declan

FTFY.