Winning The War On Masturbation!

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Americans For Purity:
Winning The War On Masturbation

Masturbation is more dangerous than atheism. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but over the course of recent Democratic administrations, and their prevailing philosophy of “if it feels good, do it” - this problem has spiralled out of control.

Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
Reality: Medical science proves that chronic masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.

Myth: There are bigger problems than masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

Myth: Masturbation is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! It is true that Onan wasn’t masturbating, but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason.

Myth: Masturbation is a “Victimless Crime.”
Reality: Theological experts on masturbation have come to the conclusion that masturbation is what is known as a “gateway” sin. This means that masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.

Operation Infinite Purity

[Celyn]

Are they really serious?

Here is a fun bit from their grand plan

. ALL candles, no matter what their shape, must be banned.
2. ALL indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don’t need the Victoria’s Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations.
3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.

Intensive

Banning of cancles? Compulsory pre-sliced vegetables?

LOL

[Snooooopy]

150,001.

[shannybonanny]

Myth: There are bigger problems than masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

:eek:
[sub]How did they know?![/sub]

Make that 149,999…

[shannybonanny]

sigh

Dammit, Snooooopy!

[Batsinma_Belfry]

Are there semen stains on your son’s bed sheets or underwear? There’s only one way they could have gotten there! Line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family Prayer Meeting and Underwear Check!

:rolleyes:

[The_Tim]

This is a joke. No one is this insane and idiotic.

[Rico]

Ah HA!

I knew it had to be there somewhere!

On one of the linked pages, namely this one ,the wording is almost exactly the same. Scroll to the bottom and read this:

a chickenhead productions parody - disclaimer & terms

Don’t worry, keep wanking…LOL

[Ringo]

whois gets you:

Registrant:Satire On-line (WHITEHOUSE3-DOM) 245-M Mount Hermon Road, Suite 137
Scotts Valley, CA 95066 US Domain Name: WHITEHOUSE.ORG
Administrative Contact, Technical Contact:
Pace, Mark (MP156) pace@ILLUMINATI.ORG 245-M Mount Hermon Road
Suite 137 Scotts Valley, CA 95066-4035 US
650.212.3765 831.460.9237

Just those illuminati rascals again.