This is not making me look forward to the future. It’s easier for dads, right?
We are there. Thirteen year old daughter starting puberty late. 46 year old mother having her first hot flashes and associated irrationality. My poor husband and son.
You have heard the old joke, right? Teenaged daughters are your punishment for being a man: you live in fear that she’ll meet a boy who’s just like you were at that age. 
We just did the maths and figured out that if we all time everything beautifully, we can have one girl hitting puberty and the other one really getting into her adolescent groove right when I hit menopause. It’s gonna be great. My husband’s started saving for a little place on the other side of the world.
My poor Dad had two teenage daughters and a menopausal wife at the same time. Poor poor man. I can remember the irrational rage I used to feel and then be crying and the generally being mad at everyone.
We have all apologized to everyone involved many times for that period known as the dark ages and we are all really close now.
This to shall pass is what my dad said got him through it . That and spending time in the garden ie away from us when it got rough 
If my mother had drowned me in the bathtub at any time during the period when I was 13 through 17, the homicide would have been entirely justified. Sorry about that, mum.
Now that my kid is grown, she doesn’t hate me. I’m sure she hated me at times when she was a teen. Even when she was a teen, we mostly got along, and she’d even (gasp!) ask my opinions on things. And she’d (double gasp!) usually follow my advice. Now, though, she says that this was absolutely the correct punishment for her. She learned that she DID have to do her homework, whether she liked it or not, and this lesson served her well when she went to college and when she went to work.
And yes, parents DO get to demand that their kids speak and act in certain ways, even if you don’t agree with those ways. In fact, it’s a parent’s job to turn uncivilized, unsocialized children into polite, well-socialized adults. Sometimes this means that a parent has to punish a child.
I did NOT force her to do everything my way. She wanted to join the JROTC when she started high school, instead of taking PE. I told her that I thought that it was a bad idea, but if that’s what she wanted to do, then I’d sign the permission slip for her. I figured that taking JROTC wouldn’t actually hurt her, whereas not doing her homework on a consistent basis WOULD hurt her GPA.
Sometimes it shocks me how specifically and precisely children mimic each other at a particular stage. I think there’s something about being 10-ish that leads them to thinking of something they want, but now being mature enough to think a few steps ahead and realize the answer is probably “no,” and then they don’t want to embarrass themselves by asking, but then they’re upset with you for saying “no” in the future in their imagination.
Conversation with 5yo:
Her: Can I have Cocoa Puffs? Can I have Cocoa Puffs? Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
Me. No. No. No.
Her: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You’re mean! . . . Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
Conversation with 9yo:
Her: . . .
Me: Yes? Can I help you?
Her: . . . never mind, I know the answer’s probably “no.”
Me: Yeah, probably.
Right now her attitude is usually sheepish rather than sullen, but she’s definitely trying sullen on for size sometimes.
Also:
[ul]
[li]nothing is fun[/li][li]if something is perchance slightly fun, she focuses on the list of its deficiencies[/li][li]if she’s not currently playing with a friend or Minecrafting, life is purgatorial bleakness[/li][li]she hates her sister, except when she loves her[/li][li]fashion is becoming an issue[/li][li]Bonus physical trait - she needs new shoes every 3 months[/li][/ul]
Child abuse? Bwahahaha!
Removing a door as child abuse? We’re really lowering the bar there.
Wow, MeanOldLady feels sad? And she said “aww”? I thought she was mean!
Just kidding.
What the hell is that supposed to accomplish?
As for the OP, try using the Socratic Method on her! It will be the most hilarious thing ever!
Teenage girls are notorious for liking their privacy when they wish to prance around, trying out new dance moves, new hair styles, new makeup. Well, they don’t want their PARENTS to see them doing these things, at least. Removing the door means that there is less prancing about, that the bathroom trips to change clothes must be hurried, and of course it’s impossible to masturbate if you don’t have your bedroom door firmly shut. Or at least, I always found it to be so. And yes, teen girls DO masturbate. Not having a door means that the girl can’t retreat into her bedroom and claim to be studying when in fact she’s daydreaming, or browsing fashion magazines, or doing crafts, or whatever it is that she’s doing instead of her homework.
Removing my daughter’s bedroom door caused an immediate change (for the better) in her study habits and her attitude. Clearly, there are some people who that kids will grow up into well-socialized adults without guidance. Those people are wrong.
Don’t you know the landmark supreme court case where it was determined that all men are created equal with an inalienable right to life, liberty and bedroom doors?
The real truth is kind of that she’s trying to be who she is, authentically. Problem is whenever she tries to, she ends up manifesting you or your wife. At this moment in time she needs to feel like she’s finding her own identity. But it’s hard to do because your parents shape so much of what you become. Sometimes in values you irritatingly share. But it can also be reactive. As in she’d rather die than be like you. Add in some raging hormones and teenage angst and that’s kind of why she hates you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
One minute she is inadvertently mirroring your shared values and the next, she’s proudly being herself only to discover she’s being you! How annoying!
This too will pass. You’re a man, just like back when you were wooing girls, it’s always endearing and often sheer sparkling brilliance, to say nothing and just hold her hand for a moment. Men would be well advised to keep using this, often effective game changer for when, let’s be honest, they don’t know what to say. It almost always works on me as it catches me completely off guard.
Right now my son is in love with me. He is nine. As long as I continue to provide 3 meals, two snacks a day, I can do no wrong. His mother’s day card last year extols the virtue of my pizza, and for Christmas he gave me a bottle of maple syrup in a fancy bottle because my pancakes were so wonderful.
I am not expecting this phase to last for ever, but HELL YA I am enjoying it right now. I don’t have a daughter, and reading this thread and remembering what a little… snit… I was at age 12, I am not particularly missing one.
Yes, quite. Just the other day, my daughter, 10, who is constantly being made fun of in school and has maybe one friend (besides her twin sister) was in an ugly standoff with my wife and then I walked into the room and she ran up and hugged me and through her tears asked “daddy, do you love me?” and my wife grunted something contemptuous and turned away in this long-running frustration with what her life had become. Happy Valentine’s day everybody!
Well, I’m a dad of a daughter who’ll go on two-day phases – cycling through annoyance/disdain/affection/tolerance. Rinse and repeat.
It’s really hard to try to get a quick read on which kid I’m dealing with. But, I should be used to this by now – she’s been like this since middle school, and she’s in her twenties now.
Well, you don’t take it off and beat them with it.
Teenagers don’t need a “reason”. They have hormones! And yes, it is going to be like this until about 18 and maybe a little after.
My favorite was always “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!” There was no answer to that.
I suggest you grow a thick skin and a wry and ironic sense of humor.