A friend recently confided in me that he was having a lot of difficulty with his teenage son. The long and short of it is that his son insists on smoking the pot weed in the house, trying every manner of cover-up known to man. This kids dad and I have been friends since highschool and having tried every method of cover-up at one point or another in our lives we know the tricks.
Dad doesn’t partake anymore, and is very open with his son on his reasons why it is not allowed in the home, it being illegal is at the top of the list, being disrespectful to the owners of the home being a close second.
The kids seems a normal 15 year old - rebellious, slightly snotty and invincible. Knowing I was the same at his age, I casually mentioned to Bill [the dad] that if I were to think of the worse thing my folks could have done to me as a teen, it would have been to take the door off the hinges thus removing my privacy. Teenage boys [I’m sure girls as well] do all manner of things behind thier closed doors, tube socks and bongs aside, the inner sanctum of a teenager’s room is not to be disturbed.
This morning Bill mentioned he had taken the door off his sons room last Thursday after a big battle with a slightly stoned child. What happened since has been remarkable his son has not lit-up in the house in 4 days. Granted he was miserable with no privacy, but when Bill put the door back on things remained “unsmokey”.
Is this cruel? I know it is terribly invasive, but non-violent, so I thought it may be not such a bad idea.
Oh, Phlosphr, you’re BACK! huggles While you are out I may have inadvertently elected you Leader of the Free World.
As for the OP, I think it would be pretty brutal on a long-term basis, but I’m a privacy hog. For a few days or to correct a problem in the short-term, it’s actually a pretty good idea.
This is an effective but commonly overlooked discipline tool for using with teens. Cruel and unusual? Yes, but that’s how punishment for deserving teens are supposed to be!
Seems perfectly acceptable to me (though as DCnDC pointed out he’ll just smoke away from home). Cruel and unusual would be taking away his privacy in the bathroom.
Absolutely no problem at all. Minor kids living in their parents’ house should be given the privacy they prove they deserve. They are inherently “entitled” to none.
I don’t know, man. Any 15-year old living in my house who chooses to consistently be rebellious, even slightly snotty, and violate clear house rules would get a damn quick lesson on the minimum age of emancipation.
No, I don’t think it’s cruel, as long as it’s not permanent. As a teen, the times I actually shut my door…had be less than 5% of the time spent in it, unless my parents told me to shut it because of loud music or friends. For the few years I lived in the basement, there was no door to the basement or my room, and I never really minded it. I believe I put up a beaded curtain in the doorway.
Is it punishment? Most definitely. But no better or worse than being grounded to the house for a week.
Hey Olives! Whoa, lots to catch up on All good things!
As per the OP, I think short term useage is probably a good thing, this is a straight non-violent disciplinary measure not to be used long term, I agree.
I agree completely, and the rules are all pretty clear, my buddy was a single dad for a few years before meeting his now wife. The kid and he got on great until the rules became more aparent when the kid started doing things that necessitated them. I’ll admit, it was a bit of a bachelor pad for a few years…but there were still rules.
The kid seems to be listening…we’ll see, I’ll call him tonight.
Seems to me it depends on the kid. I would have gone absolutely ballistic, personally.
But the scenario doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. If he wants the kid to stop smoking in his room, I’m sure it worked. But I can’t imagine it kept the kid from smoking, period. It seems more likely the kid would spend less and less time at home and more time out of the house and potentially getting in more trouble. You can only get in so much trouble in your room by yourself.
I think the rationale is that the kid knows smoking is bad for many reasons. The dad knows he’s not going to prevent the teen from smoking a little weed with his friends when no one is around…but the dad can prevent him from smoking under his roof.
A teenage kid will find a way to do just about anything…it’s what makes them a teen, they need to test boundaries. So, dad is not trying to stop him from smoking, that has to come from the kid at some point in life. He is trying to keep him from smoking under his own roof.
Pretty standard punishment when I was a teen for “doing shit your parents didn’t approve of in your room with the door closed.” And in my case, my folks threatened to take the door off when I slammed it one too many times in anger. Of course, I also wasn’t allowed a lock on my door to begin with, but still.
Usually it was as mentioned–smoking your room or whatever it was resulted in the door being removed for a week, at which point it would be replaced and you could try to prove that you deserved it.
Based on my upbringing I was always amazed when I heard that kids could keep their parents out of their rooms. How was this done I asked? You just asked them to respect your privacy?
My mom would have laughed in my face if I told her that my room was an inner sanctum.
The only legitimate use of the door was to close it when I had the TV on or when I was studying. The lock could only be use to keep my brother out of my room when I was studying. If it was closed for any other purpose my mom would threaten to get rid of the lock. And a closed door would never stop her from checking up on me every few hours.
All good things!
