With Eutychus' permission, I humbly present Brain Games #5: Burma Shave

For those who don’t know, 40-50 years ago Burma Shave would post signs on the roadside which featured a catchy, rhyming little jingles. There were usually 4-5 signs that would be read in order as the car passed them, and the last one always had the Burma Shave logo on it.

Games Magazine ran a puzzle with these as the premise. Here’s a couple that they had (my apologies to anyone who may still be trying to solve an 8-year old puzzle):

Hey you birds
These signs cost money
So roost a while
But don’t get funny

Riot at drugstore
Calling all cars
100 customers
99 jars

These would have both had a 5th sign that read simply, “Burma Shave”.

So, Dopers, let’s go. I wanna see some humorous, subpar poetry.

Incidentally, this is my 100th post. There’s cake and ice cream over in GQ, beer and appetizers in MPSIMS, and big fuckin’ group hug over in the Pit.


And the problem with small furry animals
in corners is that, just occasionally,
one of them’s a mongoose.
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

For good OPs
You’ve quite a knack
But now this thread
I must hijack

Burma Shave

What was the last Burma Shave sign, and why did they stop?


Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

If your wife avoids
your sweet embrace
Don’t shoot the milkman
Shave your face
Burma Shave

(I didn’t make that one up)

Used lighted match
To check his tank
That’s why they call him
Skinless Frank
BURMA SHAVE

(I didn’t make that one up, either. It’s often cited as the most tasteless Burma Shave jingle ever.)


Uke

You know, I can’t believe I didn’t post my original one.

Don’t get hitched
Before you’re grown
You might end up
At Home Alone
Burma Shave


And the problem with small furry animals
in corners is that, just occasionally,
one of them’s a mongoose.
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Manhattan: the Burma Shave signs only worked if you were motoring along at about thirty or forty miles an hour. They were small, and usually placed along rural roads.

With the advent of the superhighways, and 65-mile-an-hour speed limits, big billboards became the most effective method of roadside advertising.

See Bill Vossler’s charming little book BURMA SHAVE: THE RHYMES, THE SIGNS, THE TIMES (North Star Press, 1998).


Uke

Now prose yet, just a link to url=http://www.fiftiesweb.com/burma.htm]Burma Shave slogans


Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Of course, there was this nice little Mad Magazine parody:

Empty beer cans
On the road
Are ugly, many say
But at night
Reflecting bright
They safely guide the way!
BURMA SHAVE

Okay, I promise I won’t come in here again without an original composition in hand.

Burma Shave Slogans


Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

OK, it took something THIS STUPID to lure me back on-line.

A Burma-Shave sign I actually saw, c1967, between Phila. and New York:

Does your husband
Misbehave?
Grunt and grumble?
Rant and rave?
Shoot the brute some
BURMA SHAVE

This message board
is sure to dread
the third gry word
and the felching thread.

Burma Shave

Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

Flora’s back!
It’s sure as eggs
She used store-bought foam
To shave her legs
BURMA SHAVE

–Uke, running and ducking

On the big faux willie
He took a pass
It’s exit only
For Satan’s ass
Burma Shave


And the problem with small furry animals
in corners is that, just occasionally,
one of them’s a mongoose.
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Such lovely praise,
As that from Uke!
I’d kiss him, but
The Board might puke . . .

BURMA SHAVE

The day is brillig
And borogroves mimsy
No vorpal blade
Is as keen as McFlimsey
BURMA SHAVE


Uke

Oh, well, Jeez, if you’re gonna start relying on Lewis Carroll rather than reaching over for your rhyming dictionary . . .

Despite some jerks
I could not flee
For long from friends
at SDMB

BURMA SHAVE

Well, YOU try coming up with an actual word that rhymes with McFlimsey.

That sort of effort can quickly become grim, see?

Something old but new
For you in the car
Guess from the clue:
Myanmar

Burma Shave


La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit.
H. de Livry

I’ll tell you what,
My lazy beau–
There’s LOTS of words
That rhyme with “Flo!”

BURMA SHAVE

I think I’ll scream
Or maybe puke
From this lovefest
Between Flo and Uke


Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.