Woman Found Alive After Taken To Morgue

Talk about a mix up. We’ve got an XFile here:


Health Officials Probing Mistaken Death
Woman Found Alive After Taken To Morgue

BOSTON, 7:35 p.m. EST January 25, 2001 – State public health
officials said Thursday that they are investigating the case of an Ashland
woman who was mistaken for dead and then discovered alive in a body
bag at a funeral home.

[Police] were allowed into the apartment by the property
manager and found the woman in a tub of cold water having apparently
overdosed on pills.
Police called for an ambulance. Then a State Police homicide investigator
was summoned and ruled that there was no foul play.
No one realized she was alive until she was taken to John Matarese
Funeral Home in Ashland where John Matarese heard a faint noise and
discovered she was alive and unzipped her body bag.
Pawelec said that the woman has now “recovered physically” from the

If that had been me, I would be forever kicking myself having wasted a golden opportunity like this, obviously delivered by the god of practical joke setup opportunities.

(Body bag unzipps)

Brains… brains… I need BRAINS!

Undertakers don’t usually keep guns lying around do they?

I read a very similar story in the paper a month or so ago.

A woman comitting suicide shot herself in the head. She didn’t die, and thinking the better of it, called 911. She then passed out.

The EMTs arrive, peek in the room where she lay and decided she was dead. They left the house. The woman came to, realized that no one had come to her aid, and had to call 911 again to get the EMTs to come back into the house.

::Monty Python/Holy Grail::I’m not dead yet::/MP/HG::

[Monty Python’s Flying Circus]You can bury her, and she’ll get eaten up by maggots and weevils which is not so good if she’s not quite dead. Or, if you don’t want to bury her, you can burn her. Suff her in the flames, crackle crackle crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she’s not quite dead but quick.[/Monty Python’s Flying Circus]

Reg, I think we’ve got an eater.

This a true story:

My uncle Raymond was a notorious drunk; he also happened to be diabetic. He was always getting drunk and obnoxious, wrecking his car, messing up his insulin, not eating or some such shit as that.

One night he was found bleeding in a ditch, his wrecked car wrapped around a telephone pole. He had no vital signs so he was taken straight to the morgue.

The next morning when the coroner came to do the autopsy, Raymond woke up. He sat up on the table and spoke, he said “Dr. Boone, I presume?” It seems he had been in a diabetic coma and was suffering from shock. He most certainly was NOT dead.

Needless to say, after that incident, Raymond quit drinking and hasn’t touched a drop since.