I just don’t see it as a cause/effect. Six is still fairly young–most kids that much younger probably aren’t thinking about giving to others. They’re fairly self-centered, and I don’t mean that in a pejorative way. Just that it’s how children are. It seems like this kid was growing out of Santa/thinking about the logic of it, and at the same time realizing that since there is no Santa, it’s up to her/us to do the gift giving.
Um… yeah. That’s how it works. Unless you can explain to me the the huge problem with a five year old believing in magic and not realizing that sometimes life sucks, or with a six year old who, upon realizing it, decides to do something about it, I’m not seeing any issues with the system.
I never had any firm belief in Santa Claus. I was maybe agnostic on the subject before the age of four, but didn’t believe it any later than that. My parents never told me to either believe or disbelieve in the myth, but didn’t try to pretend the presents weren’t from them, either. I think it went along with my general religious upbringing, in which I was presented with bible stories on the same level as Grimm fairy tales, i.e. nice stories with important morals, without necessarily having any basis in fact.
Yes, I told other kids that Santa wasn’t real, using logical and reasoned arguments, but they refused to believe me. This has been a recurring theme in my life. :rolleyes: What really blew my mind were the kids who would early on learn the truth about the Easter Bunny and the Toothfairy, yet still retained an unwavering faith in Santa!
I think I probably believed in Santa until I was 10 or 11. But my mom really, really sold the myth. There were always the appropriate number of presents under the tree, and we knew they were from mom and dad, but Christmas morning always held a surprise that totally blew our mind. And since we never really believed either of our parents were quite that nice (and I still kinda don’t), Santa made a certain amount of sense.
But I remember when I realized the truth, I felt genuinely betrayed. Not because my parents lied to me–I could forgive them for that because ultimately they were giving me gifts. No, what I couldn’t forgive were the teachers that got in on the act. Like my kindergarten teacher who told us all she had seen Rudolph the previous year. Hell yes, I believed her. She was the person teaching me all about numbers and letters and colors–why wouldn’t I believe her? Or Mrs. Jones or Mrs. Ruf in the following years?
A part of me never, ever forgave them for that. Because of that, I’ve seriously considered telling my (potential) kids the truth right from the beginning and never pretend (lie) that a jolly fat man is responsible for gifts.
Yeah, but what about St Nick and Black Peter?
My older daughter (6) was sitting at the table with me and her little sister a couple of days ago when she looks up at me suddenly and says “Mum, is Santa dead?”
Now she was a big Santa believer last year (we never encouraged it, but they pick it up from the atmosphere) but she is aware of the existance of a historical Saint Nicholas so I just said, yeah, Santa is just another name for this guy Nicholas who lived a couple of thousand years ago and so is, in fact, dead. But that people still like to dress up as him (not enourmously accurate, that, but close enough for the purpose) and if anyone says he’s still alive she shouldn’t contradict them because lots of people like pretending.
Apparently this last bit didn’t sink in because apparently she was telling her teacher all about her new-found discovery the day after, and her teacher firmly set her straight that of COURSE Santa’s not dead and he’ll be coming down the chimney with presents in just a couple of weeks time.:smack:
I can only assume there were other small children present she didn’t want to “spoil it” for or that she was confused by the “dead/alive” thing (rather than the expected “real/not real” question). But it’s a bit hard when you tell your kids the truth and then get contradicted left and right by other authority figures.
Funny, we’ve had these threads before, and the consensus always seems to be split pretty evenly between “what a horrible traumatic event” (I exaggerate slightly :D) and “I don’t really remember finding out, it was sort of a gradual thing”. With a few stragglers here and there in between.
Bottom line, how a child takes the news, is largely dependent upon how the parent breaks it. And in this case, imho, the mom is MAKING it an issue by kicking up such a huge fuss.
Maybe this is part of what makes it “easier” so to speak for some kids. We only got one present from Santa. In fact, sometimes we still do 
and I’m 50, it’s a fun little lagniappe.
All of our other presents came from our parents and relatives. We had such a huge family, that we “drew names” and bought a present for the person whose name we got. That was always a lot of fun. The present from santa was more like the icing, not the whole cake.
There are several advantages to “the presents appear at X time”:
it keeps the kids from rummaging through every closet and under every bed (I once caught one of my brothers half-hanging from the doors of the smaller closet above the linen closet, he was looking for his birthday presents),
and from asking “have you bought my presents yet? what did you get me?”, which like “are we there yet?” they’re a lot more likely to do the younger they are,
and you can use it to get the kids to bed relatively soon despite all the excitement.
My Christmas presents never came from individuals, they still don’t. After Lilbro found out, we started following a ritual which involves people placing their shoes and then each person in turn going to place his presents, but you don’t know what did you get from whom unless you’re the second person to place presents and nobody “traded” them or asked someone else to store them. I’ve often stored the presents my brothers had bought, so it was me who placed them although it wasn’t me gifting them. Sometimes there’s things that you clearly know who bought it, but often you can’t.
I think the oldest kid tends to be much older (10,11) than the younger siblings for obvious reasons.
Yeah, it was a majorly traumatic thing for my husband (he staked out the tree at age 5, his shocked reaction was, “you lied to me!”, his dad’s response was his usual screaming and ranting) and that was completely a result of the family situation being screwed up anyway. If that had never happened, I doubt it’d have made much of a difference there.
I said “I don’t remember” back then because it turns out that my parents never told us he was real - ‘Santa is a lovely story just like a lot of other stories, and we mustn’t spoil it for kids who think it’s real.’ I ended up with a great imagination anyway, it didn’t hamper anything.
We always had one present from Santa, unwrapped, and a couple from Mom and Dad. Not to mention that we siblings gave each other gifts as we got old enough. Also stockings came from Santa. But there were always lots of things under the tree.
My husband and I have continued that method with our kids, which means we have to keep them in the back of the house until everybody is up, pottied, and slippered as appropriate. And Mom has her contacts in*. Kids who live at home still get a present from Santa, and a stocking, even though the ‘baby’ is now twenty. It’s all been just a kind of natural progression. And fun for everybody.
My SIL and her husband threaten their kids constantly with No Presents from “HO HO”. Drives me crazy. That’s one thing we’ve made a point not to do, and I don’t remember my parents doing it, either. It’s always seemed to me that it’s the ultimate empty threat, and it can’t take too much for the kids to figure it out.
*Actually, the past few years, I get to go to the living room before anyone else, to start the Christmas music and put the teakettle on. Then I go back and join the rest of them.
That’s hilarious!!! :lol I love it.
My dad died when I was 5 years old and my mother fell ill shortly after. We 4 children went into foster care in different families for over 2 years. Since Santa never brought us a gift once in that time, I figured I wouldn’t bother thinking about him. I knew that I had been very good, because I believed that if I was a good girl, and prayed for my mother every night, she’d come back and get us all.
That’s so sad, MoodIndigo. Did your mom recover afterward?
I was always told Santa exists, and I always pretended to believe. That’s what kids do. The confusion I experienced wasn’t about the existence of Santa, but why in the world everyone was playing along with it. I think everyone knows there is no Santa. Very young kids might have a hard time understanding the concept of a stranger entering their house and leaving toys for them, but once a kid is old enough to follow two-step directions (go throw your apple core away, then put your shoes on) they’re more than sophisticated enough to be suspicious about the Santa Conspiracy.