Someone in the Christmas present opening thread mentioned that they “don’t do Santa”. I don’t care for Christian holidays, and felt betrayed for months when I learned Santa wasn’t real, and I always thought that if I ever had kids I would prefer to raise them without all that (what is to me) nonsense. I don’t want to lie to my future kids about Santa, god, drugs, sex, or anything else.
But I was wondering a couple things… how do you handle all the holiday propaganda involving Santa? (movies, decor, commercials, the sides of coke boxes)
And what do you tell them so they don’t ruin the ah, “surprise” for their schoolmates? Although I don’t intend to raise my kids with Santa-belief, I don’t want to piss on someone else’s 6 year old in the process. Raising a kid without god belief isn’t as difficult, I don’t think, as raising a kid without Santa. Because young kids aren’t as forcibly exposed to religion as to Santa Claus.
Well, when my kids were pretty small they were getting reeealy excited with the process of making their christmas lists, and since I was pretty broke at the time I felt I had to do something to bring them back down to earth.
The solution I came up with was to tell them that Santa was an historical figure that symbolizes the Christmas spirit, but he’s not a real guy that actually flies around the world in a sled. I also told them that thinking of him as real is an important part of the excitement of the season for a lot of little kids, but I thought they were mature enough to handle the facts. As far as I know they never ruined the secret for anyone else.
The conversation went fine, and boiled down to hey guys, it’s really just me and my checkbook handling your lists, so go easy ok?
I think it made Christmas more fun, because they could get into the giving part by making lists of things they wanted to give each other, and they knew the gifts came from actual people they could thank.
Although…Mrs. Claus still gives everyone new pajamas every year
A coworker mentioned yesterday that they have explained things to their children as “Santa is a game that we play at Christmastime”. The kids get gifts labeled “from Mom” or “from Grandpa” but they talk about Santa to “get into the holiday mood”.
At our house I suppose it’s the same thing, now that I think about it. I know that when we were little, we had “Santa wink wink” come and visit on Christmas Eve, but part of the fun was always trying to guess which one of our neighbors it was this year.
Like auRa, we played “the Santa game.” We made sure the kids knew it was a game. We let them play Santa sometimes–dressing in red, carrying a bag of toys, filling the stockings. Everyone took turns. Children seem to understand “pretend”–as in playing house, playing school–and that it is very different from “real.”
Well, when I was in Kindergarten my parents sat me down and said “this is what we believe, this is what other people believe, you should respect that and not say otherwise.” Maybe this was easier because I already knew I was a different religion than most people. (Jewish).
Unfortunately, it didn’t work. Even at 5 I didn’t really believe that anyone could think such a stupid story was literally true. I assumed by “believe” my parents meant “play along with the obviously-pretend game.”
So, yeah, I mentioned in passing to my best friend (Christian) that her parents bring presents. Result: Crisis.
Two weeks ago, my 7 year old daughter asked me point-blank whether Santa was real (we’re Jewish as well). Remembering that the truth was revealed to me at about the same age, and not wanting to perpetuate something that wasn’t even our custom, I followed suit, with my 5 year old son within earshot. I tried to ensure that they both understood the implications of telling their Christian friends, but my son came home the next day and let me know he told a group of classmates. I guess his need to brag about his “superior” intellect is stronger than his empathy. :smack:
I don’t “do” Santa, but my kids, as you say, have picked up enough from schoolmates and TV shows and whatnot that they know what Santa is, etc. I don’t think any of them actively believe in Santa, but I’m not really sure because frankly I don’t care enough to ask them about it. As for ruining the surprise for other children, yeah, I don’t care about that either. This is a topic of frequent outrage on some parenting boards I’ve participated in, and I just really don’t get it. Tell your own kids whatever you want to. I’m not going to explode in flames of rage because your kid told mine that God is real if you don’t get your panties in a wad because mine said that Santa Claus isn’t.
We’re very much into Christmas, but we don’t do Santa (our kids are 4 and 6). We’ve explained to them who St. Nicholas was, and that sometimes it’s fun to pretend in a Santa who lives at the North Pole and gives out presents, etc. But we’ve made it clear that Santa is “pretend” and have tried to make the focus of Christmas on Jesus, who is real. (Obviously you might have a different opinion). We also remind them frequently that some of their friends might believe in Santa and it’s NOT okay to tell them he isn’t real.
Interestingly our 6-yr old son really wants to believe. The other night he said he wanted to leave cookies out on Christmas Eve for Santa, and my wife said something about Daddy not needing to eat more cookies. He pouted at her and said “Stop making me not believe in Santa!”
I don’t think there is any way to stop your 4 to 8-year-old kids from raining on everyone’s Santa parade, no matter how much you hammer home that it’s not nice to tell other people their faith is delusional. I will be raising atheist non-Santa-believers, I’m prepared for the trouble this will cause, but the alternative is lying to my kids, which I don’t want to do.
I was raised without Santa (but with a lot of Jesus!) and he was hardly on my radar, ever. However I had very little media exposure as a small child. But even after I found out all about him after age 4 or 5, from kids and a bit more tv, I don’t remember ever having interest. Santa was just one of the many strange things that all other people had in their lives and my family didn’t (along with soda, video games, wall-to-wall carpeting, Barbie dolls, trendy clothes, etc).
Not a parent yet but as a kid, I never believed that Santa Claus was a real person. I knew it was just another tradition that everyone was supposed to play along with.
So I like the previous idea of saying that “Santa is a game we play at Christmastime”. I also admire the approach Laura Ingalls’ mother uses in Plum Creek… she says that Santa Claus isn’t just one person, but something that happens when everyone stops being selfish all at the same time, on one night a year. That has both practical and magical interpretations. It’s very elegant.
I giggled at “I Saw Mommy Turning Down Santa Claus.”
My parents didn’t sell Santa as real, and I was quite happy with it. I don’t think I ever ruined other kids’ beliefs.
We started discussing whether Santa was real when my daughter was around 4. She was mature enough to understand she shouldn’t blab to other kids. At 7, I’ve told her that it’s OK for her to say, “I don’t believe in Santa” to other kids if she feels she must. We also do Santa and the tooth fairy as games. Now that she has a grounding in them not being real, I’ll very broadly refer to them and try to “convince” her they are real. She has a lot of fun being in on the big secret.
The 2yo isn’t yet equipped to understand real and not real. I think Santa is in the same mental category as Diego, Daddy’s work, and Grandpa. She knows the concepts but doesn’t really get it. As she grows she’ll learn that some of these things are real and some aren’t. So there’s no real worry about Santa propaganda, any more than I worry she’ll believe in the Grinch or talking dinosaurs who travel through time.
I don’t put a lot of stock in the magic of believing. Pretending, sure. Belief, however, is that enchantment that sends young men marching out to have their bodies torn apart in war. It’s the magic that gives solace to those who dream that their own deaths can cause the deaths, the maimings, the misery and fears of many others. It’s transformative – it turns us all into monsters.
But, the kid’s got to be, what, eight? before you can hope to explain all that. So, yeah, playing it off as a game is your best bet.
We do “do Santa” with our two-year-old, and I’m honestly surprised to hear that there are people passionate one way or the other about this.
Our family did Santa when I was growing up, and there was no big crisis for me - I gradually realized it was just one of the many stories people tell. I never felt lied to or deceived. ::shrug::
I was a very literal child. I was raised without religion, although I occasionally went to church with random family members “just because”. My parents didn’t do church and that was cool. I figured that if they abstained from one because they didn’t believe in it, they should have abstained from Santa because they didn’t believe in it.
