Does anyone else have a problem lying to their kids about the existence of Santa?
You know, there is a magic to this season, and seeing the excitement on my kids’ faces is really amazing. It is really a joy to watch that and share in the magic I remember.
But there is something inside me that is telling me this is wrong. I can so easily picture the look on my son’s face when he realizes he has been duped all these years; and realizes who duped him.
I don’t hold it against my parents, and I never really not trusted them after that. But there is still something about chastising my kids and telling them how bad lying is and then doing it myself that really has me conflicted.
So how about you? How do you feel about lying to kids about Santa? If I could do it over again, I’d not do it. I think it was a mistake.
IMHO, Christmas is magic. Let the kids have that for a few years before they have to start worrying about mortgages, maniacal ex-spouses, income tax, skin cancer, giving up smoking, etc etc.
I also remember strangely enjoying finding out the truth. It was a “hey, now I’m in the grown-up clique. Those poor schoolmates I can look down on!” kind of thing. And I also enjoyed believing. So I think it’s a god thing.
I’m in the “magic of Christmas” camp. Sure, they’ll figure it out eventually, but does that mean that they can’t have fantasy when they’re young enough to really enjoy it? Should I have refused to set a place at the table for their imaginary friends, too?
I’ve had some moments of doubt about Santa myself, but I still think that the “Yes, Virginia” answer holds true. It’s not lying to let children have magic, any more than it’s lying to tell them that you’ll keep them safe and they don’t have to worry when they wake up with nightmares. We adults know the whole truth isn’t nearly that nice, but I don’t think it’s bad to let children believe it.
Santa and the U.S. Post Office have a working relationship, they have come up with “Mailing Tips to Get Letters to the North Pole”, so that every child that sends him a letter, knows it’s gonna get to Santa himself.
Since we were Jewish, my parents told me and my sister that there wasn’t a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny, but that we should not share this information with Christian children because they believed in these entities and it was for their parents to tell them (or not) that they were fictional.
The Tooth Fairy, we were assured, was indeed real.
You are not lying when you tell your children there is a Santa Claus.
I intersperse my Christmas celebrations with tales of Santa Claus. We never really describe him because we have never seen him, (the whole must be asleep thing)
When my kids started asking me straight out “is Santa real?” I always responded “what do you think?” If they said they believed, we let it sit for another year.
As they got older the answer always changed to “No I don’t believe in Santa Claus”.
My response is as follows:
Well, I believe there is a Santa clause and you are now old enough that I can tell you secret.
You see, I am Santa Clause…, But now YOU are Santa Claus also.
Santa Clause is in each of us to be shared in the way we feel is best.
As I am Santa Claus to you, you will be Santa to your children and to your younger relations.
You may now help with the selection of Santa’s Toys, and the setting up of Christmas for your younger brother. You see, being Santa Clause is a great joy and responsibility you may share in it as much as you wish.
The subject of “you lied to me about the Fat” guy never comes up. When you let a child know that they now carry the hope of a younger generation, they never feel bad because in truth you never lied to them.
Merry Christmas Happy New Year.
Yes. Of course, since I’m not Christian, it makes things a lot easier.
But seriously, the same thing can be asked about the tooth fairy. I had mixed feelings about that when my son lost his first tooth. But then out of the blue he told my wife and I that he knew we were the tooth fairy (he was five at the time, I believe – maybe he’d just turned six). I don’t know if he found out from somebody at school or just knew that fairies didn’t exist or what. But I was glad – it saved me a moral dilemma!
See, I don’t get this. You’re basically saying that you are worried your son will have a different reaction than you did. If it didn’t bother you that much and didn’t destroy your relationship with your folks or anything, what makes you feel your son will feel any differently?
TheLoadedDog’s experience mimics my own. I was a grown up now. Made me feel good to be a part of the club, and I helped keep up the ruse for my little brother.
I liked MrPeabody’s post. I think there is a happy medium. You can safely start by saying that Santa brought him/her presents but if he/she asks a direct question about his existence you can be honest and give Peadody’s spiel.
My parents did much the same thing with my sister and I, regarding Santa and other mythical beings, even though we were Christian. We still loved Christmas and got into all the Santa stuff - he was presented to us as a fairy tale, and as a symbol of the spirit of the season.
I’ve said this before in a similar post, but I think that since we were sort of poor when I was growing up, it was easier to not believe in Santa. Otherwise I’d have been wondering why my friends got a lot more stuff than I did, and thought that I apparently wasn’t a very good kid. Meanwhile, my husband staked out the Christmas tree when he was 5. His memory of that Christmas is of seeing his mom and dad bringing in presents, jumping up in anger and yelling, “You lied to me!” and his dad screaming at him.
Anyone who uses “lying” when discussing Santa has serious issues that go far beyond the story. :rolleyes:
News flash: Santa is a story. Is is “lying” to read, say, “The Cat in the Hat” to your kids? That never happened. How about “Goodnight Moon”? Rabbits can’t say goodnight; they don’t talk!
And for God’s sake, let’s keep our kids away from fiction!
Normal kids love stories and don’t mind discovering they are just stories. If your kid feels betrayed by the discovery, it’s probably because you’ve been lying to him about other things, too.
This is pretty much how I feel. When I was four, our beloved cat Sammy wasn’t there one day. Mum told me, “Somebody stole Sammy. That’s sad, and the people were naughty to do it, but I think they must love him a lot to take him, so they’ll look after him.” She didn’t tell me, “Sammy came off second best after a disagreement with a Chrysler, and I spent the early hours this morning hurriedly hosing Sammy-flavoured jam off the road before you woke up.” I found out the truth years later, and was thankful to my mother for acting the way she did.
I felt very upset and betrayed when my mother finally admitted that there was no Santa Claus. I was in the third grade, and had been teased horribly at school that I still believed. But I was positive that my mother would not tell me that something was true if it wasn’t. I felt like I defended her, and she’d been lying to me.
We do not present Santa Claus as a real person in our house. We also do not present Cinderella or Cat in the Hat as real. Bob and Larry (VeggieTales) are not real. They are fictional characters who have interesting and valued places in my kids’ imaginations, but nothing more.
