Sitting next to my computer there is a brand new printer which was officially “From Santa.” I’m in my late 30’s.
To me, Santa Claus is part of the stories and wonder of Christmas, just like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the story of the little drummer boy and all the other stories. At some point when we were kids, my brothers and I woke up to the fact that Santa Claus was our parents, but we kept nominally believing because it made Mum happy. Nowadays, it’s done with a wink and a nod (thanks for the printer, Dad), but it is as traditional as the Christmas tree in the living room or singing Silent Night at church on Christmas Eve.
Oh yes, just in case you’re thinking we’re unduly fanciful, my father’s an engineer by nature as well as by training, very much grounded in reality and what works. Santa Claus is both a myth and a symbol of the love and generosity which we spend far too much of the year enjoying. He’s a surprised smile on Christmas morning, or picking out just the right gift for a child who may not be expecting anything. I haven’t read the “Yes, Virginia” essay in years, but, like the writer, I do believe he lives in each and every one of us, if we allow him to. He’s part of the season when even staid engineers can join in a sense of wonder.
This Christmas was probably the last ‘real santa’ one for my 6 year old daughter; she’s asking hard questions about how he can get in the house (we have no chimney) and she’s said flat out that she knows reindeer can’t fly. I think it’s a pretty neutral thing really; some of my more extreme Christian friends argue that it’s lying or that finding out the truth about santa paves the way to disbelief in Jesus (I told them this should only be a problem if Jesus is no more real than santa and they went quiet), but I think it’s just a harmless childhood thing, neutral: harmless but not essential.
RealityChuck - Yours seemed to be the most forceful, so I’ll address what you said. In my house we don’t present any fictional story as the truth. But we are presenting Santa as a reality. There is a big difference.
I can never answer any direct question about Santa with an affirmation. I already give the evasive answers like “what do you think?”. But there is still a deception involved I’m not comfortable with. I’m glad I’m not alone in that!
No, if your kid feels betrayed, it’s probably because you weren’t presenting it as a story, but as the literal truth. When you tell kids Santa brings their presents, not as a metaphor or a symbol of giving, but to make them think somehow their gifts have a supernatural origin, you are lying. I’ve seen parents get all nervous and worried when the topic comes up and it looks like someone might actually break the news that Santa isn’t actually living at the North Pole. Your comparison to the Cat in the Hat would only be valid if, when reading the story, parents assured the children that the Cat in the Hat had an existence in the real world, beyond being just a character in a story. Where Santa is concerned, parents who teach their kids that Santa is real actively promote this idea, and do things meant to make their kids believe it, and attempt to shield them from information that would tell them otherwise–not even remotely like the approach taken when they read Cat in the Hat.
I present Santa to my kids as fiction, a symbol of Christmas and giving. Not as a real man who really rides a flying sleigh. I will make no effort whatsoever to decieve them about this–that “magical” thing is deliberate deception, only possible because children don’t know enough to know you’re lying to them.
My mom told me when I was about 4 there was no such thing as Santa. She didn’t want us to lie to her, so she didn’t want to lie to us. If I recall, I was the one who broke the news to most of my preschool class…
(FWIW, I’ve told many a lies to her over the years…her plan failed.)
The Xmas my son was 4 he built a Santa trap on our roof with his father just to disprove the existence of Santa. He was fairly certain Santa was a crock but he needed to make sure.
He’s been very good since then about keeping up the pretence for other kids.
And yet I don’t seem to hear hordes of resentful adults wailing about how their parent lied to them about imaginary beings; they grow out of it and laugh at their own naiveté.
If anyone feels that they were psychologically damaged by their parents pulling the whole santa thing, or that their current, adult relationship with their parents is somehow overshadowed by it, please could they step forward.
The santa myth in my home is almost like a preindustrial tribal custom involving rites of passage… I have 2 kids at home (now 10 and 17) and when the 17 year old found out years ago, he became a member of the “santa cult” . He enjoyed being the interpreter for the santa cult for his younger sister. Now she knows the deal, and has joined the cult and acts in the interpreter role for her younger nieces and nephews. Can’t cite anything, but it reminds me of Margaret Mead or Ruth Benedict’s desciptions of preindustrial societies.
The joke in our family was always that Santa won’t be coming this year, as he was… (hit by a cable car in San Francisco was my favorite, but it changed every year)
Somehow he showed up every year…and yes, I am continuing this horrible cruel tradition when I have kids (I have infected by husband’s family now too…but the kids know I’m full of it)
I had a big disagreement about this in these very boards a couple of years ago (or so).
I don’t believe in presenting Santa as a literal person. I describe “him” to my children as the good feeling of giving. That there is a little Santa in each of us. When I give presents to them, I am Santa. When they give presents to me, they are Santa. My oldest two children are now 12 and 10, and they both say that they’re glad I never made them believe in the literal Santa. Their friends never made fun of them for believing too long, and they never had their hopes crushed on the playground.
As an aside, I had my friend (with her children) stay over at Easter. We had to spend the whole time pretending that there really was an Easter Bunny that came to hide eggs for them. Her oldest child was 8 or 9. My kids were completely disgusted by the whole charade, although I did explain to them that a belief in a large, chocolate-bearing bunny was a perfectly valid lifestyle.
My parents never fostered any belief in Santa; any presents that weren’t labelled from Mom and Dad were from the dogs. I got presents this year from Sam, the only surviving member of the pack. He gave me a strainer and an Iron Chef apron. If I have children, I think I’m going to tell them about the tradition of Santa Claus so they have some kind of cultural reference but resist the temptation to engage in what I consider a kind of silly pretense. But believe me, they’ll be getting all kinds of stuff from our pets.
My BIL’s kids (ages 4 and 7) still have a hard-core belief in Santa, and at their house everything is done to perpetuate it. There was a half-eaten cookie and a glass of milk next to the fireplace, a bowl of carrots on the back steps for the reindeer (one year they even made hoofprints in the snow), and the ritual of writing a letter to Santa asking him for presents. And gosh, does the 4-year-old buy completely into it. She “loves Santa,” and was seriously freaked out that he wouldn’t get her letter in time to make or buy her gifts. To them, Santa is a real, honest-to-God person.
I am still on the fence about this. My kid is too young to understand Santa at all (he’s just excited about the tree and the lights). I had planned to tell him about Santa, put out the cookies, and do the whole charade, but then a friend of mine (a devout Christian) said, “How do you tell your kids that Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are real, then later they find out that they’re NOT real, and then you expect them to believe you when you try to tell them about the son of God, being crucified and resurrected. They’re all equally fanciful stories”
I hadn’t given it much thought until then, but I really like some of the “hybrid” methods suggested here, maybe presenting Santa as a myth, and then it will be easier for my kid to trust me and take a leap of faith when I try to explain our religious views.
When my mom told me the truth about Santa, she said, “You know who Santa really is, don’t you? It’s me and your dad” and for one brief second, I thought Oh My God, my parents are FAMOUS! and then I caught on.
My dad is still sad that my sister and I are all grown up and he’s grandchild free, because he loved the magic of Santa Claus so much. We left out cookies, and he put snowy footprints on the floor in the living room…there was always a present from Santa…even for MOM AND DAD!!! under the tree, and it made Christmas Eve seem so…amazing and glittery and like a story book, waiting for him.
When I grew up, well, about six or seven and realized there was no Santa, I was sad for a moment, and then my dad said “now we can have fun pretending for your sister!”
It’s like doing a play, roleplaying, playing make believe. It was a game, not a trick or a lie.
I NEVER EVER resented my parents making Christmas, still to this day, my ABSOLUTE favorite time of year. It showed how willing they were to suspend disbelief and be funny and goofy and creative and magical. I cherish those memories.
I don’t WANT my tiny children (if I ever have them) to be subjected to ‘brutal honesty’ and ‘serious christmas celebration’ when they are small. I want them to feel like they’re in a wonderland, just like I did.
It’s really only a problem if you either claim to have a personal, loving relationship with santa that gets deeper every day, or you’re genuinely worried that the whole God/Jesus thing really is a sham.
you are all so busy trying to make kids out of kids, so afraid kids may become adults and learn how to think.
PATHETIC
instead of teaching them bullshit about santa teach them how to pretend that they believe in santa if you want smart kids they will need to know how to play dumb - an essential survival skill.
your kids do not want to be dumb, not afriad to understand, you want them to be dumb. do not ask me why, ask yourself.
hm… rather than flaming here i think i may start a new thread. maybe not today.
dont tell me that a kid will not understand. AND YOU KNOW BECAUSE YOU TRIED? no you decide for them that they will not understand. if they don’t understand its because you dont know how to explain. hell probably you just dont understand yourself, but thats ok blame it on their young age.
if you want smart kids they will need to know how to play dumb - an essential survival skill.