Guess she really found out who her friends are–or aren’t, in this case
Quoted for truth.
I think it’s a much bigger deal that they wouldn’t come to the hospital than that they left her, though; we have no idea how long they spent looking for her at the nightclub before leaving.
Anything’s possible. It may be that the letter writer is completely lying her ass off.
Problem is, there’s absolutely no way to tell. So as an advice columnist, you should probably be giving advice on the assumption that what was written is at least reasonably close to the truth. Given that, I think her advice is way off base.
Putting aside that I consider it unconscionably rude to just leave a friend without telling them, I think the friends aren’t really friends at all. If someone who is drunk goes back to the bathroom and does not return, my assumption would be, “Crap, what if they’ve got alcohol poisoning and passed out in the bathroom?” For all I know, they could be lying on the floor with their head cracked open from hitting something on the way down, covered (or choking) in their own vomit. What kind of friend does it make me not even to check?
Then they had the gall to get mad at her for wanting a ride home from the hospital when they couldn’t even be bothered to help her get there in the first place?
No, I don’t think the author is being too harsh at all. And the whole thing most certainly is a safety issue. It’s scary to think that the author’s friends wouldn’t care that she’d been wandering around, drunk and drugged out of her mind while god knows what was happening to her. I may sound a little reactionary, but I would assume that she’d been robbed at best or sexually assaulted at the worst.
This level of involvement seems unwise. Calling the cops/ambulance right off the bat would be smarter. The police are going to want to interview you anyway. They’ll handle transport issues.
And what gems will you be sharing with the parents when they show up at the hospital?
What’s unwise about it? They were just keeping somebody company.
What you’ll be sharing with the parents is whatever you know. If that’s nothing, it’s nothing. So what? The point is to be company, not to be informative.
The Jane would be the ass for leaving and not telling her friends. I would never assume someone left without telling me. I’ve known such a girl who was prone to leaving with someone (oh, hell anyone really). But never once, AFAIK, did she ever leave without telling her friends.
I’ve been in a situation where a friend got drunk and disappeared for a bit longer than one would expect. Her friend checked the bathroom and when she wasn’t in there a couple of us bolted out the door to find her. She drank enough to feel sick and went outside for fresh air, it was cold, so she was trying to get in the backseat of her car (no, she wasn’t going to be driving that night and had never planned to, her friend was the designated driver and had the keys). Even though it was daylight, the moment we all realized that a very drunk friend had wandered off, we all teamed up to make sure she was okay.
No, kidding. If they were too drunk themselves to help safely, that would be one thing, but part of the social contract of being a “friend” is that you watch your buddy’s back! You don’t leave a friend sobbing, frightened on the sidewalk! :mad:
You know thats how women end up “birth raped” don’t you ? 
Last night my wife and I watched Adventureland and were both very unimpressed. At the key moment of pathos we both yelled at the screen “you’re both idiots!” The irresponsible drinking/driving/drugging was a key reason we felt this way. Even then the protagonists, drunk, stoned, morons that they were, still managed to stick together and not abandon each other in their moment of need.
I don’t normally weigh in on these things because I don’t drink or use drugs, and I’m almost always the designated driver, but I’ve been the one to take keys away from people and I can’t see how I could have done anything else. Maybe this was paternalistic, but I’ve never had anyone be anything but grateful(once they sobered up, they usually hate it at the time) that I stepped in when their judgment and physical abilities were impaired.
Enjoy,
Steven
I was giving my own reaction, not as an advice columnist.
But some parts of her story seem more likely than others. I imagine that roofies are much more commonly given as an excuse than encountered in real life.
“I wasn’t drunk this time! Someone slipped me a mickey!”
“Suuuuuuure they did.”
I won’t say it never happens, but I will say that it probably doesn’t happen as often as someone getting loaded and wandering off - and then getting irate when her friends won’t bail her out. YMMV, of course, and perhaps my reactions are colored by a distaste I contracted for sloppy drunks in high school. I was always the last one standing, so I had to clean up the barf, drive people home, hide the knives, and put out the fires.
Regards,
Shodan
While this is possible, I don’t think this scenario would have resulting in a woman who wrote to an advice columnist about her terrible adventure. I think if the letter-writer had been a frequent partaker of drugs there would have been more description of what she drank, and how she kept an eye on her drinks all night and other protestations of innocence.
I, as a lone, drunk woman, walk home safely at night all the time. How else am I supposed to get back to my apartment?
Anyway, I’m mentally putting myself in the situation, and if a friend of mine suddenly disappeared and I was ready to leave the bar, I’d most likely call to figure out where the hell she went. Obviously if she’s passed out in a stall, she can’t answer me, but I wouldn’t know that at the time. I’d figure she left, and that would be the end of it. Once I get the hysterical, sobbing phone call, I’d go to help her. I’d certainly visit a friend who is recovering in the hospital.
You’re not supposed to leave the apartment, silly. Now put that apron back on.
The advice columnist is an idiot, but I have to believe there is more to the story than has been expressed. What are the chances that not one but both of your “best friends” turn out to be uncaring psychos?
But at least one person (the columnist) as well as several commenters don’t think they were uncaring psychos – they think that is how ‘friends’ act.
I’ve mentioned before that someone I know is an advice columnist. She has gotten fake letters, as I imagine they all do. Most are Penthouse-style wild scenarios that seem to get the sender off, maybe even more if they get published (kind of like some Internet trolls, I guess). Occasionally she’ll go after one part of a letter, especially if it’s about relationships, and question whether the sender is really telling the truth or interpreting a situation to suit their own needs. But treating every letter as if the sender is probably lying about major facts, and then printing it, is a pretty useless exercise.
Apart from increasing the likelihood of being viewed as a suspect in the (alleged) drugging, color me :dubious: as to whether our Good Samaritan would have taken the same direct personal action if he’d found a dazed, underwear-clad elderly woman in a stairwell.
Plus, aren’t you not supposed to move someone who’s been injured or whatnot? Best to let the EMT people decide.
He might have. Maybe he was cat burgular waiting to spring into action.
As for the columnist, good grief. And I thought Judge Judy and Ann Landers could be raging assholes sometimes. They aint got nothing on her.
Of course, who knows what was edited out of the letter? I took it more or less in the sense of “what do you think of this scenario”, accept the terms as stated, and then see how it might work out in the real world.
Regards,
Shodan