Grrr
October 30, 2014, 9:41am
21
I thought most young men didn’t want children. That desire didn’t come until after they fell in love.
grude
October 30, 2014, 9:47am
22
Yea the above basically describes me, It was only after my son was born(
Nava
October 30, 2014, 9:53am
23
And why do you have a problem with that? “Do not particularly mind one way or the other” does not equal “are completely unprepared” or “have not even considered how baby is made”; some people have the resources for another kid and would be perfectly happy to get one, but at the same time they’re not actively seeking one. My youngest brother was such a one, we run the curiously-ordered gamut of “miracle child from the sterile woman”, “surprise which proves the woman’s sterility was in her doctors’ minds” and “not planned but definitely wanted” (normally, surprises are the last one).
monstro : I’d also be terrified if I woke up pregnant tomorrow, since it would be a miraculous birth, or a sperm that lived a very, very long time.
Also, I’m going to be 45 in a couple of months, and I love sleep.
I’m good with friends’ and families kids, they’re plenty!
…and, of course , not all women with children wanted them. Life is horribly unfair sometimes …
monstro:
Most people, regardless of gender, want children. The biological imperative is just that strong.
I think most people, regardless of gender, would rather not work outside the home if they didn’t have to. If society didn’t frame “home-making” as woman’s work and stay-at-fathers were the norm rather than the exception, I think many men would see that as a reasonable alternative just as many women do. The reason that so many women do is because society gives us a stigma-free “pass” to bow out of the workforce. If a woman decides to forgo career for her children, she’s a saint. If a man does it, he’s lazy and effete.
I think women feel a lot more social pressure to have children than men do. I was talking to a guy a couple of weeks ago who just assumed that because I was a woman, I had always had visions of getting married and having children. When I told him that his assumption was quite incorrect, he kind of looked at me like I’d just admitted to eating babies or something. To be fair, a childless woman at my age is a bit unusual…and people have a natural aversion to being too different. Hell, if I woke up tomorrow to discover that I was pregnant, I would be terrified out of my mind (who is the father!?), but part of me would really embrace it because being a mother would finally make me a “member of the club”, so to speak. I think people care about belonging to the “club” just as much as they care about passing on their genes. Which is why I think there are so many awful parents out there. They thought they wanted children, but what they really wanted was whatever it is parenthood symbolizes to them.
I have to disagree. I think most people regardless of gender want sex and until recently conceiving children was simply a frequent by-product of sex.
Nava
October 30, 2014, 4:46pm
27
That had been the gist of the post by WhyNot just above the one you quoted.