Another person who is always aware of her surroundings but not afraid. And it’s sensible to be aware - you shouldn’t really just be walking along, blithely in your own world, and you can do this and still think about whatever you want.
Now that I am older and bigger, I don’t worry much. I do worry for my daughter though.
When I was a slender teen-aged ballerina with long blonde hair I felt constantly threatened. Mostly because men were constantly yelling and whistling threats at me.
I tried to explain it to a boyfriend this way: Everyone who sees me knows that I am carrying a vagina with me. Most don’t care, (or at least wouldn’t try to force acess to it) but there’s no way I can hide the fact from the predators who are looking for one to attack.
Imagine walking around with $1000.00 cash in your front shirt pocket; and the pocket is see-through plastic; and the back of your shirt announces it’s presence.
Is everyone you meet a threat? No.
Are you likely to meet someone who is? No predicting.
Do you have any way of knowing that you are safe? No.
If I want to take a walk around the tract, I do it before it gets dark. If my friend goes with me, we might return in the dark but we do have flashlights.
When I traveled to San Diego on my own, I was careful. If I was finished at the theatre or something in the evening, I got into a taxi to get back to the B&B. I didn’t go into Downtown after dark.
I vary the behavior according to the situation.
Is this other forum for a knitting group, or some other such that would have a large number of brittle old ladies?
I’m not scared at all. I live in a relatively safe university town, where the biggest crimes are usually along the lines of petty theft. (I know this for a fact because the university sends us security warning emails every time a crime is committed in the vicinity of campus.) I tend not to think about dangers, actually, to an extent that has worried female friends, who think I need to be more cautious. I don’t know if they’re paranoid or I’m overconfident, but I’ve never been mugged or physically attacked or anything like that, and I have wandered around at night in some bad places in my life.
Was that addressed to me (as in the site in the OP)?
Yeah, sorry, should have been clearer. When I read sentences like “men don’t know what it’s like to check the backseat of the car for rapists or to carry your keys in your hand like a weapon,” I think to myself, as a woman I don’t know what it’s like to check my backseat for rapists. I can’t help but to have the mental image of a tiny, 90 year old woman staring out of her window, and dialing the police every time someone who looks suspicious walks by.
Oddly enough it was on a Jezebel article about women being better at distinguishing between fear/disgust. Study: Women Better At Spotting Fear And then it kind of devolved (in comments) to women talking about how men don’t get what it’s like to be a woman in this culture–how fearful we apparently are every time we leave the house. I guess I didn’t get the memo.
I am perfectly happy roaming around alone. When my job was particularly insane over the last few years, I’ve had to stay past when public transportation stops (at 12:30AM - thank you Boston) and have walked the 6 miles back home through some less than perfectly safe parts of the city at 3 in the morning on weekend nights when people were wandering around drunk and crazy. I’m not scared of that.
On the other hand, I do certainly get the fear thing. Not that “all women are weak and helpless victims and that we are all in mortal danger every second of our lives”, but, realistically, a woman is more of a target in certain circumstances and is at a disadvantage in a confrontation, both physically and due to upbringing. And, of course, most men don’t hassle other men for sex or get angry when they refuse. The dangerous men aren’t random psychos stalking the streets with knives, but the “nice guys” who think you owe them sex or who won’t take “no” for an answer.
Count me as a person who is alert/aware, but not scared to be out walking around alone.
Though, there are times I’ve been uncomfortable on the subway alone very late. Walking on the street I have options… I can duck in to a building or bodega… on the train, I’m trapped in a big silver box.
Also: I’ve been warned NOT to have keys out to use as a weapon… if they get yanked away by an attacker/mugger, you’ve just lost access to your apartment.
I live in LA and everything I need is within a two-mile radius, so I walk everywhere. Even when I worked the night shift, I’ve never been afraid to be out. I take precautions others have described, but out of a general concern for my personal safety. Sure, there are rapists out there, but there are also muggers, drunk drivers, shrieking homeless people, and inattentive bicyclists. You have to watch for them all.
I live on a busy street that is well-lit and full of businesses that are open late. The area is also frequently patrolled by police cars. I feel far safer here than I did in the Midwest, where there was nothing around-- no sidewalks, no streetlights, no people around, no pay phones, no homes or businesses for miles and miles.
It all depends on where I am, and what time of day it is. During the day, I’ll walk just about anywhere, as long as there are other people around. The one time I’ve been attacked was mid-day on a Sunday, in an alley. But that was back in Baltimore, where I learned how to identify and navigate dangerous areas.
After dark, I’ll walk on the sidewalk (or in the middle of the street, where I feel safer, as long as there’s no traffic around) but I eschew the local bike path. Although it’s well lit and I’ve seen cop cars patrolling it occasionally, there were a series of rapes and attempted rapes along it a few months ago. (I think they caught the guy, but still.)
I’m always very aware of whether there’s anyone behind me, and I’ll look behind every couple minutes if I’m walking after dark.
Where and when?
I don’t check under the car/backseat for murderers. But I am aware of where I am and what’s going on around me when I’m out at night. More aware than a guy? I don’t know. But I bet I got the “be careful outside” warning more than most men did, so to the extent that the number of warnings increases your vigilance…probably.
I live and work in neighborhoods that could be considered questionable and I go out after dark (or late night) there, but I think I know what’s safe and isn’t. I do trust my instinct and change course if something feels “off.” So far, I’ve been lucky.
I generally travel alone, too, and the same applies. Generally, I’m just making sure to be aware. But there have been times where I’ve decided to not go down a street or not go into a place (or not get out of the car) because something feels off enough to not make it worth the risk. I am risk averse and I will believe people who say “X is a dangerous place” if they’re more familiar with an area than I am. I don’t have a need to prove them wrong.
I’m a woman, age 60. I live in a relatively safe neighborhood in Seattle, which is usually thought of as a relatively safe city. Even in daylight, I don’t just “take a walk”. I rarely go anywhere except work, church, or errands. I think about the reasons for this once in awhile. It doesn’t exactly feel like fear. It comes closer to distaste. But there has to be an element of fear there too.
At my age I’m more likely to encounter yucky stuff from strangers than dangerous stuff. Like people driving by me and shouting obscenities. That isn’t scary, it’s just distasteful. I have to add here that I look and walk like an aging prizefighter. Those qualities are to my advantage.
All that said, I do agree that there are things a woman has to watch out for that men are clueless about. That’s a lesson I definitely learned the hard way, and unfortunately a lot of other women have too. And we don’t always talk about it.
I think this is a really good point. I don’t cross the street and change my route to avoid a construction crew because I’m terrified – I just know there’s a decent (ha) chance they’ll say something that will, at best, annoy me and, at worst, piss me off and possibly ruin my day.
I’m glad you said this, because I was thinking while reading this thread that there are situations I avoid not out of fear so much as general distaste for what may occur.
Case in point–there’s a convenience store across the street from one of my favorite sports bars but I make a point to get gas/cigs/etc. somewhere else, because for whatever reason, this convenience store usually has random guys hanging out in cars/sitting out front/conversing to each other etc…and when I walk in, chances are good that at least one of them is going to say something to me.
Sometimes it’s innocuous. “HEY, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING TONITE?” Sometimes it’s a little creepier. “YOU NEED A RIDE? HEY BEAUTIFUL, YOU LONELY?” Occasionally but not often it’s gross or profane. Sometimes it’s just the icky sensation of several pairs of leering male eyes checking out your every physical detail.
I don’t find any of this physically threatening, but it’s certainly unpleasant and I do go out of my way to avoid it. There are certain areas of town/stores/bars etc. that a smart girl just avoids. Not so much because they are “bad” but because there’s just no good reason to be there.
Re: the OP, I’m always aware of my surroundings but it’s very rare for me to be frightened about it. I think being aware of where you’re at and what’s going on is just common sense. I think worrying about it and getting all paranoid is a waste of energy.
If you do get a weird feeling about it, though, listen to your gut–it may be telling you something.
Apparently some women have some pretty irrational fears. I was looking for a parking space one time and driving kind of slowly. Some dim chickie on the sidewalk glanced over her shoulder and saw me and immediately grabbed the old cell phone. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later (I was still looking for a space) the cops pulled me over. They were kind of embarrassed and apologetic, but I guess they have to respond to all complaints. This was in the middle of a sunny afternoon in Hollywood, right off the Blvd., with HUNDREDS of people around. I guess she thought I was going to jump out in the middle of traffic and somehow abduct her. :rolleyes:
Generally not. I once scattered a whole group of friends by walking into the backyard where they were enjoying a spliff. They said I walked like a man and they thought it was the police. I’ve got a soft top jeep though, so I’m careful driving - I’ll run the red lights at night (it’s pretty rural here) not wanting anyone to jump in the car.
I’ve been raped, drugged, abducted, beaten and left for dead in some pretty horrendous circumstances but not by random strangers - they are the least of my worries.
Also men do have an idea of what it’s like - ask any man who’s been mugged. My burly six foot something cousin was set on by a group of guys and now can’t make it down to the taxi rank, he needs the cab to pull up in front of the club.
I have to admit I am little creeped-out by parking garages–some more than others. And I was once accosted by a guy in a parking lot. I punched him and he fell down–he was pretty drunk.
But this isn’t gender-specific, either. A few months later a guy was mugged in that same parking garage. About four years later a guy was killed when some hoodlums carjacked him for his Jaguar.
So yeah, there are some places I tend to avoid, or be on high alert when I have to be there. But I think most men with an iota of self-preservation would do the same in those places.