I live in Anchorage, Alaska so most of the time, not very scared at all (no, not even in Spenard :D). Most places in Anchorage, even “cracktown” are reasonably safe most hours of the day and night. I’m more watchful during the early hours walking from the parking garage to the office, but mostly because that’s when the vagrants are out and a few of them are a bit dicey.
Meh, I don’t even think about it unless I’m in a city at night and then I’m just alert, not scared. Paranoia is pointless, just commit to a course of action before anything happens. I’ve settled on a violent, stabby response but I doubt very much that my resolve will ever be tested.
After a hair-raising moment I avoided fraternity row after dark. My guy friends wouldn’t go down there at night either though so that one always struck me as common sense.
I know the question’s for women, but I’ll throw this in in case some folks have had similar experiences:
I’m a big dude (6’2") and have been all my life. I’ve taken martial arts, I used to lift weights, I know how to use guns and hand weapons. As a result, there just aren’t many everyday situations that make me fear for my safety.
HOWEVER…last year I was walking around the neighborhood with my little girl in a stroller (think she was about 16-18 months old), and when a dog appeared out of a side street, I became aware of how vulnerable a position I was in. Now, me, alone against a dog, that’s no problem, I’d tear it apart with my teeth if I had to. But now I’d need to protect someone utterly incapable of protecting herself, and if it came down to it, I’d be at a major disadvantage in a fight. A dog could really take a chunk out of my hide while I was keeping the little Torqueling out of harm’s way, and I couldn’t even run well with a stroller or carrying a kid. That’s the first time I can remember feeling vulnerable on the street, and it seriously affected me, such that I still remember it and suspect I will for some time.
(For the record, I dealt with the stray dog head-on: walked onward, never slowing or breaking stride, and as we passed by the dog I looked down at it and firmly said, “HOME.” The ears and tail drooped immediately; most dogs know the voice of command when they hear it. That was it; he didn’t follow us or make any other moves of aggression.)
Wow, this is a really old thread. However, I just wanted to comment that I just went for a 45 minute walk around the city centre of a notoriously ‘gun crime’ city of the UK (Nottingham - aka Shottingham) at 4am to try and test the anxiety I am suffering with. Yes I was speed walking for the last 10 mins, and yes I did have my keys in my knuckles as I walked down my road, and yes I did sweat and panic when I got home. BUT I did it. (I was perhaps slightly stupid doing it on a Saturday night). I feel that I have learnt from the experience that fear is a normal emotion to feel in a situation such as this, and probably for men as well as women. I panicked yes, but I did something a lot of people would find terrifying (I think) and I am so proud of myself. Maybe no one will read this, and I’m not recommending it to anyone, I just came across this thread via Google and wanted to share my experience.
Let’s just say I’m wary when walking by myself (and only partly because I’m scared of zombies…) I’ve walked around cities like Rome, London and Glasgow by myself at night and never felt in danger, but I always feel on edge.
Even now, walking home from the train station at night (I live in a suburb of Melbourne) I have a standard set of things I do - keys in my hand, looking for houses with lights on in case I need to ask for help, tend to walk in the middle of the road if there are no cars, will listen for footsteps behind me and keep a fast pace. Again, no cause to do any of these things as in 40 years nothing’s ever happened, but I’m aware the risk is there.
Good for you for confronting your fears.
I wonder how the ‘gun crime’ city of the UK compares to the average US city over, say, half a million or so
Since this thread had been resurrected, I’ll just note that we men do the keys in the hand thing too.
Keys? Please! There is a knife in my pocket. Now this will do me little good if he has a gun but it comes in handy often for other uses.
When I lived in DC there was seldom a week that went by that a man did not speak to me on the street or in the supermarket in a threatening way. Many times they spoke of performing acts on my body that were physically impossible. They were angry and brutal sounding. I had my ass grabbed and been backed into a corner.
When I was with a group of women one day we spoke about the best defence for this as it happened to us all. Our dream response was to pull out a bull whip and crack it within an inch of his nose and growl, “Say that again Mo----F-----!” Alas that is not practical.
I don’t look under cars or carry my keys out. But I am nervous in a fair number of situations (although less so than when I was younger and more likely to get hassled by men).
I am uncomfortable when a man is walking behind me and there aren’t other people around–I might cross the street or I might duck into a store and let him pass. There are neighborhoods (and specific streets and alleys) where I definitely wouldn’t walk alone (or possibly even with a female friend). And even more places where I wouldn’t walk alone at night. Being alone in a huge parking garage is scary. This is true for big cities, not for suburbs and small towns.
I absolutely would not consider it safe to walk alone and intoxicated anywhere men (especially drunk men) might be hanging around (down my street in the burbs would be fine, though unlikely).
Mostly I keep out of these situations and feel very safe, but there have been times when I have been quite scared, mostly of serious harassment or mugging, not attack/rape.
Rightly or wrongly, I don’t feel any fear because I walk way too much for that to be practical. I am watchful and aware (or at least try to be). But not scared. I walk because I enjoy walking, so fear would kinda get in the way.
Strange men speak to me but rarely do they do so in a way that scares me. Homeless men will sometimes call out for my attention, but they are usually too drunk or disabled to follow after me. In the evenings, I make my siloheutte androgynous and try to avoid quiet streets. I’ve been walking through the streets of Richmond, VA for nine years now (and before that it was Miami, Newark, and Atlanta). Besides getting bitten by a dog once, I’ve managed to keep safe.
The downside of being so experienced is that I have a hard time relating to people who are so afraid. And not just afraid to walk around downtown, but also walk around in their own suburban neighborhood–where they choose to live presumably for the safety. That sounds like hell to me.
I live alone in the country on a dark road with my nearest neighbor 1/3 mile away. I’m never afraid. When I lived in the city I wasn’t afraid. I never carry my keys in the defensive position because they’re always in my cupholder. I don’t lock my house, either when I’m home or when I’m gone. (6 large dogs, including 3 dobes and a GSD) I just don’t really have a fearful nature, I guess.
StG
Practically all violent attacks on women are committed by family members, sex partners, and so-called friends. The odds of a stranger attacking or raping a woman are astronomically tiny. Women are much safer walking around on their own than staying at home. I’ve never felt the slightest twinge of fear about walking about on my own, even in the dark.
Oddly enough, most attacks on men are committed by strangers yet men never feel the slightest fear about walking around on their own.
I think the “fear” our society instills in women is a sexist way to control the behavior of women. Look at all of the endless numbers of movies and TV shows about serial killers, who always seem to target women. Very few movies and TV shows about most people’s actual reality-domestic abuse, date rape, men being murdered (far more men than women are murdered every year).
women: if you want to keep yourself safe, forget about everything you’ve ever been told. The most important thing to do is to not let any guns into your home: http://www.vpc.org/revealing-the-impacts-of-gun-violence/female-homicide-victimization-by-males/
and if any man you know shows the slightest sign of abusive/controlling behavior/temper issues, toss em out and change the locks ASAP.
Going for walks at 3 am is perfectly safe.
Interesting.
I had assumed the OP was in reaction to the prevalence of ‘rape culture’ articles, and male prvilege and how “ALL women live in fear every time they have to walk alone to their car” and how 'cat calls are a part of rape culture"…then i saw the date.
Yeah - I had a co-worker visiting NYC and she wouldn’t go anywhere without someone with her and only on very specific routes. I’m thinking, first of all you’re in touristy areas anyway, and second no one is paying attention to you if you just look like you know what you’re doing.
I live in a coastal community south of los Angeles, off the top of my head it seems like most of the assaults I hear about which are few and far between actually happen on the beach at nght or in parks. We have a large population of homeless many of whom are mental patients.
We live in a suburb with miles of bike/walking trails - some is within sight of streets and some is thru natural areas with lots of woods away from roads. My wife walks our dog (alone) on these trails without reservation, but she has received comments from some of her friends about their fear of using those trails. We are thinking, you pay a premium to live in this area with access to these things, and you are afraid of using them? Even with a dog? I agree it is always a good idea to exercise with a friend, but if you need to go out alone, select a route where you are comfortable doing that, but don’t sit at home out of fear.
I use the trails a lot myself for running and cycling and often see women running, walking, or riding alone. It gives me hope that my teen daughter can access these things without fear (and she has gone riding and running alone on them). I am teaching her that one should be aware of their surroundings at all times, not just women, and know how to handle themselves with confidence in a variety of places and situations.
Since I first participated in this thread, I’ve moved to another place where the culture is more sexist, and things like muggings and robberies more common.
So I am a bit more wary, but I still walk (or walked, I got a car so not as much as before). The downside is that there are not many things to walk to around here, and many of those places have limited hours, so walking late at night is unlikely. I’m a bit more wary about mugging than at my previous place because it is more common here. So there are areas were I would not go, because they are in general unsafe areas that most people avoid (not just women-specific).
I’ve also encountered waaay more cat calling since moving, which is annoying. It is also annoying that, sometimes, if I ignore the cat caller, then he turns around and starts hurling insults. That part slightly scares me because I would never know if I end up snubbing someone crazy enough to physically attack me for ignoring him.
The last part is true, male privilege is true, and the date of the OP does not matter for those issues.
nvm
Heh, I remember walking around the streets of that very coastal community alone when I was as young as thirteen. I would sometimes go to the high school (South) and walk around. At the time I was a very troubled girl and was hoping to get killed (is that fucked up or what) but the Universe or whatever kept me safe (and for a long time after that as well). Ten or so years later I was accosted and assaulted while walking down the street(wasn’t wishing for it by then). Doesn’t stop me from walking but I do make myself very aware of my surroundings and adopt a confident stance, etc.