Coincidentally enough (well, considering the OP, not this erotic fantasy here at the end), Jezebel’s put a call out for their Asshat Cat-Call Hall of Fame . The comments section makes for interesting reading – some funny stuff, mostly obnoxious and scary. Cover a lot of what was said in this thread.
Some gems
I was out walking my dog around midnight last weekend, just as some of the kids were having back-to-school parties in my university town. A drunk guy kept yelling that he was going to a party at 85 Margaret Street. As I walked by on the other side of the street, he looked at me and yelled
Come to 85 Margaret Street and I’ll fuck you in the ass, bitch!
I didn’t respond but walked on content in the knowledge that he was going in the wrong direction.
The most recent one for me was on Saturday in broad daylight where a man hanging from the girders of a traffic bridge next to the pedestrian bridge where I was walking yelled “PSSSST! PSSSSST!” Until I looked over at which point he proceeded to whip out his dick and masturbate at me.
Then he asked if I had a boyfriend.
Yes, hanging from the bridge. Try explaining that to the cops.
I was at an arcade with my friend when a couple of gigantic dudes (tall and scary) came up behind me as I was playing something. The one leaned in and said to me “you gotta boyyfrend?” and I lied and said “yeah. I do.” and he said “yeah but does he eatcho pussy?” and I looked at him and said “yeah, he does.” he said “no way you’re lying!” as if no white guy would ever do that for his girlfriend. He kept asking for my number, and it took like 10 minutes before my friend came up and very wisely pretended to be the boyfriend, so that they would go away. I was kind of afraid they were going to beat me up, to be honest.
Drunk dude walks up to me and my friend:
Dude: You two, make out
When I was eighteen I had a guy come up to me, totally out of nowhere, as I was walking up the street and he said, and I quote: “You suck dick, right?”
My most memorable recent ones…
The guy in the next lane who held up signs that said I LOVE YOUR BREASTS and SHOW ME YOUR BREASTS for six blocks.
The 3 separate men who have made breastfeeding comments while staring at my chest.
The old guy who appeared at my side on a sidewalk and sadly remarked his masseuse had canceled on him and did I know anyone who’d like to make a hundred dollars.
The skateboarding kid who yelled out some generic “bounce those titties” comment, then left his number under my windshield wiper like I might actually call him.
I just moved to Minneapolis from a very small town so I’m coming to terms with the fact that men feel they have the right to gawk, shout and whistle at me while I walk down the street. Last week I was walking through a park and a group of middle-aged men shouted something like “hey sweet thing.” When I ignored them and kept walking they got mad at me for not responding and one of them shouted “All that ass, and no class.” I was so offended, not only that I was being objectified, but that they thought I was being rude to them even though they were yelling about my ass from across the park.
BLURGH!
at the end of my very first day of work interning at an arts nonprofit in the Tenderloin in SF about four years ago (“ain’t nothin’ tender 'bout the Tenderloin”), I got on the bus to go home, and the guy across from me narrated my every move: “tall girl gets on the bus…sits down…takes a sip of water…checks her watch…puts that sexy hair in a ponytail…adjusts sandal…niiiiiice feet…milky white and pretty…has toes so perfect i could suck them…”
by that point, since no one else was talking on the bus, a few guys started protesting and telling him to “watch himself” and i responded, “you like my feet so much? good–you’ll enjoy it when i kick your ass. stop talking about me–NOW.”
I have a detailed fantasy of rebuffing men who say, “Hey, baby, where’s your smile?” with an absolute shitstorm of anger and/or tears, telling them my mother just died, or screaming at them about how I am not here to make the world decorative for YOU and how DARE you make assumptions about what my mental state should be, etc. For some reason that comment just infuriates me.
This one’s got a violent end. Either it will end the thread, as it’s come full circle… or start another 16 pages.
“I’m going to bend you over and fuck you in that fat ass until you bleed!” After this one, my ladies and I proceeded to beat the hell out of this guy in front of his friends while they laughed at him and said, “Served you right man!” We were all in heels. It was awesome.
Said by a white, very overweight man in brown buddy holly glasses (this was way before hipsters even dreamed of wearing them for irony) in, I kid you not, a white beat up windowless van, “Where are you going with all those grocery bags, why don’t you get in my van and I’ll give you a ride?” He then followed me for three city blocks while I ignored him until I finally said, “There is no way I’m getting into your van, ever, you better stop following me or I’m calling the police right now.” He then informed me that I was missing out on the experience of my life and I thought in my head, yeah, the experience that will end my life! I will be cut up in tiny pieces and found later in your deep freezer, you psycho.
If I were in a band, I would title a song, “All That Ass and No Class.”