Years ago, back in the days when newspaper personals were more popular than online personals, I worked with a woman that was single and looking. She hooked up with a guy who claimed to have brown hair. When she met him she discovered “He was bald! He lied to me! How could he do that? I can never trust him!”
When I pinned her down on it, he was not bald, he was balding. He did still actually have some hair, and it did in fact have a color. But she could still not get over the “fact” that he totally deceived her.
I’m shy and standoffish when I first meet people. I certainly don’t want dishonesty about my weight to be another obstacle that keeps conversation from running smoothly.
Yes, I did meet my SO online. Yes, I am a BBW and I was a SSBBW* at the time. Of course, we met on a site geared toward that sort of thing, so I guess there wasn’t quite as much of a stigma attached to being a fattie on there. Besides I’ve learned that no matter what my size, my personality stays the same. (Slightly twisted as always, just ask aforementioned SO. )
*Note: It’s been too long, I don’t remember if I actually used the term SSBBW back then, not because I was trying to be deceptive, just because it wasn’t one that I remember being particularly familiar with at the time.
Having seen several female friends/relatives try the online dating thing, I’ve seen something that goes to this and I’m sure it applies to men doing it as well.
They seem to get a ‘kid in a candy store’ attitude because the are hit with many interested men. Many of these men are more attractive than they can get in real life. They then concentrate on this men but then find when they try to meet face-to-face that the guy doesn’t want to. The reason this happens is that when a guy gets on these sites he sends out some emails and gets nothing back…so he gets more and more aggressive until he is essentially is mass emailing everyone with a pulse. When he does get a response he will respond but he doesn’t give the woman a real look until there really is a bite…then he dismisses her because she is not attractive enough.
From the woman’s point of view…all these cute guys are emailing her, talking to her etc. So, she overestimates her ‘worth’ and dismisses all those guys she would just love if she met them in real life. She then faces rejection after rejection and soon withdraws licking her wounds.
I’ve seen this happen to 5 different women (2 cousins, 2 friends, 1 coworker) and they followed the exact same path. I imagine guys do the same kind of thing.
I made the same observation in a previous thread. A lot of people will describe themselves as “fun-loving.” It’s meaningless fluff that accomplishes nothing.
When I voiced this opinion on a singles site discussion board though, a whole bunch of people were deeply offended. “What is this, a job interview?” they asked. “I’m not writing my resume here!” Maybe not, but a singles profile serves almost the same purpose, and so common sense dictates that it’s best to avoid meaningless verbiage.
BTW, the ones who were most outraged were also the ones who had the worst spelling and grammar. Make of that what you wish.
Yeah, I don’t buy this weeding out the jerks philosophy. I guess I can’t see the sense in “I lied to make myself seem more physically attractive than I am in order to determine if YOU are shallow.”
I also disagree with the notion that men who only date women of a certain build are shallow. The thing is that people are attracted to what they are attracted to and have little choice in the matter. Sexual imprinting goes deep, and it can’t be changed by acting a little more politically correct.
That leaves me with a dilemma. The woman I mentioned upthread is really awesome, and I want her in my life. But I have very little sexual attraction for her. I hope I can convince her to be “just friends”, but good friends. However it turns out, I need to stay free to pursue women that really flip my switches.
I know someone who actually did the opposite. She’s absolutely stunning, but also quite smart and funny. After experiencing a deluge with her first profile, she re-posted with a very basic, unremarkable Photo Booth headshot. Still undeniably attractive, and she still got tons of responses, but (according to her) not as many and far fewer that highlighted nothing but her hotness. I’m not sure how well her strategy worked in the long run – she went on a few dates and nothing stuck, but she may have saved herself some trouble by avoiding certain men in the first place.
Oh, and another theory why women talk themselves up in their profiles – apparently hot women can get away with murder when it comes to online dating.
Shit, I didn’t put up a picture at all because I figured I’d be carpet bombed with e-mails. Without one, I still was.
And hell, women can get away with murder when it comes to real life face-to-face dating. You don’t even want to know the kind of shit I pulled when I grew bored with dates, and still have these poor children call me to ask me out again. I eventually stopped being mean to men just for fun (sort of), but it still amazed me. And I’m not even hot!
Edit: I have to add that that website is hilarious! I’ve already shared it with a friend, and she cannot stop laughing.
I know a girl like that. Confession: I had a ginormous crush on a girl like that. (Oh, be still my [del]loins[/del] heart!) She blanded-down a photo of herself because the original photo she was using got her “all the wrong kind of attention”. She would get deluged by email from all sorts of guys, mostly saying “We should hook up!”
She tucked all her hair up into a baseball hat (or maybe it was in a pony tail, I only remember it vaguely) so you couldn’t see her long, luscious, thick, chestnut hair… ::le sigh:: … uh, what was I saying? Oh yeah – she also blew a big pink bubble with chewing gum and held her cheeks all puffy. It was a dorky photo that made her features a little more ambiguous.
IIRC, it was better but not fool roof and she eventually switched her profile to “private” so only the people winked at/smiled at/poked/whatever would see her profile at all. She’s engaged now to someone she met in a running group.
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