The british philosopher and mathematician Bertrand Russel enjoyed fooling around with the connotations of words. On a BBC radio program called “The Brain Trust”, Russel presented the following conjugation of an irregular verb:
I am firm.
You are obstinate.
He is a pig-headed fool.
Writers Digest, a monthly magazine for writers ran a contest inviting readers to submit their best irregular verbs based on Russel’s irreverent model.
Each conjugation must proceed from “I” through “you” to “he” or “she”
The basic denotation of the concept in each cluster must be maintained.
in each triad the connotations must grow increasingly mean-spirited as the conjugation moves from first to second to third person
Humor and verbal sparkle earn extra points.
Here are some of the best submissions as they appeared in the October 1989 issue of “Writers Digest”
I am a concerned parent. You Tend to interfere. She writes in her daughter’s diary
I am beautiful. You are pretty. She has a good personality.
I have a dream. You are a Dreamer. He lives in a dreamworld
I can eat off the floor. You do you best to be clean. She can eat off the floor because her floor is covered with food.
I am affectionate. You are libidinous. She has hinges on her heels.
As a demonstration of your Denotation-connotation imagination, try creating your own concatenations of irregular verbs.
I’m concerned.
You’re nervous.
They’re crapping their pants.
I’m get around a bit.
You sleep around.
She’s like Dennys- open 24/7.
I’m not doing as well in this class as I anticipated.
You’re struggling with the material.
They’re going to switch their major to Fast Food Engineering.
I drive a reasonable amount over the speed limit.
You have a lead foot.
They are reckless maniacs who should have their licences revoked.
I warble a bit when I sing.
You could stand a bit of practice.
They sound like a cat with its tail caught in the vacuum cleaner.
My spouse and I are having a disagreement.
You and your spouse are fighting.
Oh my god! Somebody call the cops!
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.