In fairness, a couple can mean two. The married couple means two people who are married to each other.
Huh? 
A couple does indeed equal two.
It was the other two items in my list that I was misinterpreting.
Another one I thought of: When my parents got their Canadian citizenship they were very proud to go out and vote for the first time. I asked who they were voting for and they told me. Well, imagine my surprise the next morning what the newspaper said “Xxxxxx wins two to one!”
I was so proud that my parents’ two votes were all the candidate needed to win.
I thought soap operas were so poppras.
I heard “No, thank you” as “no thank you.” As if the speaker was refusing to say thanks.
I always thought my parents served orderves at parties.
When I was really small I wondered why my parents were talking about earning a celery.
I grew up thinking astronauts blasted off in the Space Shovel.
Oh, here’s one I just thought of (also from five or six years old): I didn’t know if one would say ‘You will be beheaded’, or ‘You will be headed.’ (I’ve always been a little morbid. 
)
When I was five I went to a friend’s house to play and as I approached I head him yelling Miiiiiiiightor!, the shout of a cartoon character we liked. (Mightor would raise his club and yell his name, and he got some sort of super strength or something.) Turns out he’d injured his toe and his grandmother was putting mercurochrome on it, and he was yelling ‘My toe!’
I thought there were celebrities named:
[ul]
[li]Sarah Jessa Kaparker[/li][li]Kurko Bane[/li][li]Rootball[/li][/ul]
Two minutes can be “a couple of minutes”
Four minutes can be “a couple of minutes”
Half an hour is definitely NOT “a couple of minutes”
Your Supervisor <==> Not Weird.
To be fair, robert_columbia didn’t say which couple of minutes. 
I used to think that this episode of Seinfeld was broughtuyued by Zoloft, or whatever. Had no idea for the longest time that they were saying “brought to you by.” I thought that the word broughtuyued meant that they were a paid sponsor or paid for the show or something.
Fixed the title as you asked.
10-Q.
In church when they said that Jesus “sitteth on the right hand of God the Father” I thought he was sitting on God’s literal right hand. And that God was therefore a few orders of magnitude bigger than Jesus.
For some reason, I thought “bull’s eye” was “bull size.” No, it didn’t make any sense to me, either.
Me too. In my head, a nicker was someone who nicked stuff. Thus, ought to be caught.
As a child I overheard my mother telling a friend that she “had gas in her stomach”. I immediately wanted to know why my mother had been drinking gasoline.
My uncle broke his arm when I was about three. My concept of “broken” was “broken off”. I was terrified to go see him.
I thought our knees were called “kneels”
And the shoulder blades were called “wings”
The line from an advertising campaign “Gentlemen prefer blondes”; as a kid I misinterpreted it as a command, not a statement, which I found rather peremptory of them.
Gentlemen! Prefer blondes!