I thought dairy cows were male because they produce milk for HUMANS. When I was in 3rd grade we went on a field trip to a farm and the cow was grazing. One kid suggested we communicate with it by yelling “Moo” over and over. I guess he must have thought it was male too because he was treating it like some dumb thing that’s only purpose was to feed humans. After the 8th time we yelled “Moo”, the cow ran over to us. Then the kid pulled a weed out of the ground and tried to feed it to the cow, and it got mad at us for wasting its time and ran back to its grazing spot.
When I first heard the term “soda fountain,” I assumed it meant that some drinking fountains dispensed soda. Every time I saw a drinking fountain I would check it, figuring that eventually I’d find an actual soda fountain. My mother noticed this and asked what I was doing. I told her, and she explained the sad truth to me.
I got my first pair of glasses when I was 10.
As we left the optician, I stopped short. My mother almost ran me over “what are you doing! Are you” “THE TREE! It’s got LEAVES!”, pointing at the tall tree across the street.
“What? There’s always been a tree there and it’s always had leaves!”
“Yes but one leaf one leaf one leaf one leaf!”, pointing all over the treetop.
“… you didn’t… know… you knew trees had leaves. Where did you think they came from?”
“Yes but I thought they were like dandruff. I thought it was all solid stuff and bits of it flaked off.”
If you and your spouse wear glasses, please don’t wait until the school tells you your kid needs glasses before having them checked. Pretty please. Turns out tree leaves aren’t like dandruff.
That is unnervingly close to my reaction to getting glasses for the first time when I was 10. It was specifically being able to see the leaves in the trees that blew me away, and I’ll never forget it.
I’m pretty sure I knew that leaves were separate specimens while still on the tree, but I was absolutely flabbergasted to discover that you could see them that way from way the heck over here.
The only way I know how to describe it is that it was kind of like how I’d feel now if I got brand new glasses and discovered that I could now see the six points of each and every snowflake in the snowbanks across the street from the optometrist’s office. I just had no idea that it was possible for eyes to see such detail.
I remember thinking that women had one breast for each child they had. This made sense, since all the women in our family, plus neighbors, had two kids each. I remember looking around for a woman with three breasts.
When I was about seven, my best friend told me that there was a spot on your neck that if you touched it, you would immediately fall down dead. I’m pretty sure she sincerely believed this too - she wasn’t the type to fuck with me for the lulz.
I was scared to go to sleep for a week in case I touched my neck by accident.
I was probably about 6 or 7 when this happened. The girl next door, who was older, ergo wiser, told me that when you fell asleep, your heart stopped beating. So I would lie in bed with my hand over my heart, waiting to feel it stop beating.
She’s the same one who told me that if you touched a window screen when lightning flashed, you’d be electrocuted. Back then, all screens were metal, so I tentatively believed her. It was some time before I figured out she was a liar, or maybe just sadly misinformed. And I was a dumb kid…
I thought that birth occurred through the navel–except I would have said belly button at that age.
EXACTLY the same reaction when I was in the fourth grade, getting glasses for the first time.
I had a misconception that if the Russians won the cold war, we would have to be their slaves. If we won, I would get a Russian slave kid. 
Oh my god, what misconceptions did I not have!
I thought that the big, futuristic-for-the-50s rabbit-ears we had stashed in the attic would give us cable TV if only somebody would hook it up.
I thought that guns didn’t need ammunition–you could just shoot and shoot all day. Guess I watched too many old westerns.
I thought that all dogs were males and all cats were females. Despite the fact that we had a female dog.
I thought that a mouse lived inside a girl’s hoo-ha, and that it peed for her since she lacked the proper equipment for the job.
I thought that everybody had their own moon. We had our own moon at home, and Grandma had her moon at her house, and Uncle Bob had his own moon at his house, and so on.
I thought that most, if not all, walls had secret doors, and I spent an unreasonable amount of time looking for tell-tale cracks and hidden levers. Thought I found one in a big maple tree once, but I could never get it to open.
When I first heard about circumcision, I thought it was something only Jews did. I myself was circumcised, as were all the other boys I knew, but I thought we weren’t.
Since I’d never seen a foreskin, I assumed the glans was the foreskin… And the thought of cutting that off seemed horrifying.
But it’s true! Mr. Spock showed us that every week!
I’ve mentioned this before, but why not tell it again?
My grandfather owned a grocery store. When I was a kid, whenever we would drive past a certain building in town, my mother would always point it out and say, “That’s where Grandad had his first grocery store.”
Of course, she meant that the first grocery store he owned had been in that building. I thought she was saying that he had started the first grocery store ever, right on that spot. I even proudly told my friends about it.
Yup, that whole “selling food to people” thing? Totally my grandfather’s idea. You should all be grateful. 
A bit ago I remembered one of the oddest ones I had when I was a very little kid. I got a blister on my foot from my shoes one day, it was white and kind of oblong pointy shaped, and looked exactly like a pumpkin seed, but was squishy like all blisters. My Mom told me to leave it alone. As soon as she was gone from sight, of course I started playing with it until it popped. I came to the conclusion that my mom was trying to trick me into letting it harden into an actual pumpkin seed, and start growing my foot into a pumpkin.
I was under the impression that pubic hair was a male characteristic, like beards. My friend’s brother’s nudist magazines showed me the shocking truth.
I’m trying t think of something I was taught as a child that DID turn out to be true.
When I was little, I wondered what a “fernancer” was. Because people would say “He won’t take no fernancer!” and I couldn’t understand why people were so stubborn about not taking any fernancer. I must’ve been 8 or 9 when I finally realized they were saying “He won’t take ‘No’ for an answer.”
:smack:
My reasoning for that was that dogs chased cats.
Reminds me of when I couldn’t wait for smorning to come because we were going to have a pancake breakfast the smorning.
That my parents, or any adult for that matter, knew anything about anything. They didn’t.