The very first time I saw an algebraic equation was when I was in elementary school. One of my older friends showed me his algebra textbook. I immediately figured it all out, it was so simple and intuitive! All those letters obviously took on their numeric value in the alphabet! It’s the only logical way those equations could work. So a=1, b=2, c=3, and so on down to z=26. That means that a+b=c, just like 1+2=3! Sooooooooo simple. Why didn’t they teach that in 3rd grade?
I was about seven when I first heard about sex reassignment surgery. I thought it was some kind of parts swap - that a doctor would remove a transwoman’s penis and put it in a big freezer full of spare body parts. Then thaw it out and attach it to the next transman who wanted the surgery.
In third or fourth grade, I thought girls served no useful purpose whatsoever. I was very confused when adults would make comments about kissing girls and other such things.
To me, girls did not throw baseballs well, they cried too much, they talked too much etc. etc. I was smug in my knowledge that girls served no purpose.
Then around fifth grade {or was it sixth}? I decided there might be “some” limited use for girls, only I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and articulate what their qualities might be…
I believe it was the fifth grade when I shared a desk with a girl. Bending over to retrieve something from my desk, I noticed that she was wearing nylons. I thought, “Hmmmmm…” and it begin to dawn.
When I was young, I had a set of plastic cowboy and Indian toys. The cowboys had short hair and the Indians had long hair.
A friend and I once got into an argument about whether there were female cowboys. My friend said no, because if you’re a cowboy then you’re not female. I patiently explained to him that there are female cowboys, who are called “Indians”.
I memorized the speed of sound as being 750 miles per hour as a kid and thought that was fixed and immutable. It wasn’t until much later that I realized that the speed of sound depends on many things, such as the fluid medium and altitude, etc.
Also, all the way up until around my 20s or so, I thought that the purpose of hanging (in execution) was to slowly choke someone to death through asphyxiation by the rope. I didnt’ realize that it was about breaking the neck.
When I first heard about menstruation, I read the definition in a dictionary and understood it perfectly: women have one huge egg in their bellies and when it’s not fertilized it loses bits of its lining. Now, I’ll impress my friend with my perfect knowledge of all this grown-up stuff.
I have a first cousin, once removed, who still believes this … even though she’s in her '60s. She thinks a dog impregnates a cat, who gives birth to a litter of mixed puppies and kittens.
She also thinks Alaska and Hawaii are right off the coast of California, just like on grade school maps.
When I was in elementary school, my mother drove past a drug store.
I thought to myself, What, it – it’s right here‽ How have the cops not found this place? I’m apparently going to grow up to be the world’s greatest detective!
A 6th grade classmate and I were reading the back cover of a Judy Blume paperback in the school library, where it mentioned Margaret not getting her period yet. I asked him if he knew, and I believed him when he stated that it was “the thing on the end of their nipples”.
I never associated gravy with the meat being served. I was a picky eater and insisted on only eating beef gravy. So my parents would always answer my question “What kind of gravy is it?” with “Beef gravy”, even though we were having pork or chicken for dinner. I believed them right up until I was about twelve or so. It was the genesis of much laughter at my expense up until my last immediate relative died last year.
I swore that I liked roast beef but didn’t like steak. My sister swore the opposite. So my parents would make one meal but tell me that mine was roast beef and hers steak.
You know, my parents always said how smart my sisters and I are, but I’m really wondering.
I also thought that people who spoke other languages were translating into English in their heads. Very ethnocentric of me.
Oh, and I thought the underground railroad was an actual railroad.
See what’s mean about my intelligence being overstated?!
Me, too ! I thought they translated into French but that’s the same idea.
I remember I had this particular brainwave watching an episode of Fantasy Island that was dubbed in French but included a song that hadn’t been dubbed (they kept the original audio for that bit). I even asked my mom about it.
In a similar vein, I grew up in Lexington, Kentucky. When we visited large cities like Chicago or New York, I always enjoyed riding the subway. My parents had to explain to me that Lexington wasn’t big enough to have a subway.
But I knew they were wrong, because in a strip mall that we passed whenever we went to the airport, there was a small building with a big sign that said “Subway” in yellow and white letters. That was clearly the entrance to Lexington’s system of underground trains.
I had the same kind of thoughts about this sign (http://hideouthomes.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/slide.jpg) at the front of a residential community in Pennsylvania: “Come on! It’s a huge sign saying “Hideout”! How are the police not catching the crooks that are hiding out there?”
