There is a mother of one of my students who is apparently nuts. I should have known the day she called me and told me that her son (in my 5th grade class) Stanley told me that girls were bothering him in line and all I did was tell him to get to the end of the line–so he could avoid a troublesome situation. She feels that I should have dealt with the problem and reprimanded the girls.
Then, last week on Friday, she told me her son was missing some school supplies and he told me about it and I didn’t do anything about it. Geez, I didn’t know I was supposed to do anything about missing school supplies…Nine times out of ten, the supplies are lost by the student himself and anyways, remember reading and math? I’m supposed to be teaching.
A few days ago some students told me “Stanley” was calling them names as they walked by his desk. That was the last straw. I called him up to my desk and said, “Your mom is the first one to call when someone is picking on you and now you are doing the same thing?”
And now she is livid. She wants him out of my class. She hates me. I’m afraid if they don’t take “Stanley” out of my class she will continue to make my life miserable. I hate that if I don’t take his side in every issue, she will call me. It’s times like these I’m glad I’m in the teacher’s union.
Plus, she’s turning her kid into a snitching little mama’s boy–I probably hate that worst of all.
Gail
“Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend–
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again…”
-Steely Dan
Gail, I can never understand why this type of interfering parent thinks they are helping their child. Do they think they’re always going to be there?
There was a mom like this in my son’s peer group all the way from grade school through high school. He always got special consideration because his mom would make life hell for anyone who stood up to her. Her son (actually her two sons – there was a younger brother who got the same “support”) finally had to be home schooled because (1) the school system couldn’t meet all her son’s “special needs” and (2) every other kid in the school hated him.
Not that this is a necessary ending to the story, but both boys ended up in trouble with the law. Why not? Where would they ever learn that actions have consequences?
“If you had manifested fatigue upon noticing that you had been an ass, that would have been logical, that would have been rational; whereas it seems to me that to manifest surprise was to be again an ass.”
Mark Twain Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc
Maybe he was calling them names because that’s what people do to him, and he thinks it’s the thing to do. I was in a similar position in elementary school: if there was a chance for kids to do something mean, it got done to me first. In gym class, we were, for some odd reason, learning to jitterbug. The teacher warned us all not to twist our partner’s wrist when we were crossing over. I reasoned that my partner was going to twist my wrist no matter what the teacher said, and decided I was going to twist his wrist: to get it over with, and maybe show that I wasn’t a sissy, and could give as good as I got. Convoluted logic, I know, and completely against my nature, but I figured, if other people could get away with picking on me, I might as well get on board. So twisted his wrist, and he shrieked, the teacher went ape, and sent me to sit in the corner until I cried. That was always the duration of punishment: when they’d broken you, you could go.
Anyway, I’m just wondering what his side of the story is. Also, you didn’t tell us how old he is.
He didn’t spoil himself; his parents did. Maybe deep down, he hates himself as much as you do. You said yourself that no one, apparently, has tried to show him how to be civilized. Berating him isn’t going to help; it’s just going to make him more resentful and alienated. Please don’t be as quick to comdemn a student as teachers who’ve been described on other threads.
Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green
When did I say I hated this boy? At my school, I seem to be good at dealing with maladjusted students, since they seem to give me several of them each year. And I do try to treat each child fairly.
On the other hand, I always try to be truthful with students. If their actions are harmful to themselves or others, they need to know.
I posted on this message board not because I was scornful of this child–I am upset with his mother and I am really hurt by her allegations. I don’t like it when I try to do my job as I see fit and someone thinks I’m a horrible person.If something is really bothering me I sometimes post here.
This boy’s mother is assuming he is constantly picked on. Her attitude is going to make her son perceive every interaction with anybody as a slight. I am upset because of what she is turning him into. Every time he comes across a difficulty, she is going to run in and fight a battle for him, instead of just saying, “You know, sometimes when you get into trouble, it’s your own fault and you need to take the consequences.” This is an important life skill.
Stanley sits in the front of the room. He constantly says negative things so that the whole class can hear him. I ignore his comments when I can, I also find things to praise him about. I have had many challenging students but I can’t say I constantly berated any of them. I’ve also had many wonderful students who were totally delightful. However if any of these delightful students were “out of line” (including my daughter) I wouldn’t hesitate to let them know.
I hope I’m not sounding too defensive and thus sealing up anybody’s opinion of me as a stern authoritarian.
Gail
“Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend–
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again…”
-Steely Dan
I am sorry if I offended you, Gail. I was running a fever when I posted that, so I guess my words were “heated” in more ways than one.
I do think it’s unfortunate that you can’t proceed as if only “Stanley” is in your class, and not his parents as well. Being straightforward with him would be the best course of action. Since you are in the union, can you enlist their aid in a) getting Mom off your case and b) impressing on her the need to help Stanley mature, instead of coddling him?
I’ve never been in your shoes, but I have been in his. Again I say, he probably doesn’t like himself very much, and wants to change. How old is he?
Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green