OK, first you mess with the cell phones and SUVs, now THIS!!:
Don’t even try it. No more getting up out of bed to turn the light off for me. I used to throw shoes, clothes, pillows, whatever I could at the light switch after reading in bed because I hated to get up so much. Now, I simply clap twice, and nighty night!
[mini-rant]
OK, cell phones: These are a godsend as far as I’m concerned. I pull call at a hospital and I also like to cycle. In the old days, if I was on a ride and got paged, I’d have to jam to the nearest phone and call. Now, I just answer. Half the times they call, it’s either a false alarm or they just need advice, so I can continue my ride leisurely. This also keeps me from pulling over in the car if they need something and has saved me numerous times while driving in places where a pay phone is not accessible enough. Basically, they give me freedom.
SUVs. I don’t have an SUV now, I have a truck. I have, however, owned them in the past and loved them. OK, I agree that SUVs, for the “Urban Warrior” are bullshit. But, for someone like me who needs to haul camping stuff(and hopefully a boat soon) and get into the backcountry, they’re awesome. So stop dissin’ 'em!
[/mini rant]
“I’ve got a DungeonMaster’s guide, I’ve got a twelve-sided die, I’ve got Kitty Pryde and Nightcrawler too, waiting there for me, yes I do.”
Weezer-In the Garage
Ok, I feel really good now. Not only did I ask for a Chia-Head for Christmas three years ago, but a roommate and I also mail ordered a Clapper. I still have Ralphie (My chia-head named for the kid in the Christmas movie…although I haven’t planted it in two years). But the Clapper broke two or three months after we bought it.
As far as a totally useless invention, how can I name just one? Go to your grandmother’s house and get her copy of the latest Harriet Carter catalog. Where else can you find TOILET GOLF?
“If we submit everything to reason, our religion will have no mysterious or supernatural element. If we offend the principles of reason, our religion will be absurd and ridiculous.” Blaise Pascal
The absolute worst invention has to be big boomy earth-shaking bass stereo systems for cars.
Everytime I have to hear some asshole’s booming music and watch my windows shake I want to take my tire iron to his car and then his head. If he wants to try and shoot me, I would shoot him first. I know this is an overreaction, but I can’t stand hardly stand it. 'Specially with how traffic can often come to a standstill here and it get’s bloody flaming hot here in the desert that is New Mexico.
And when I am forced to listen to assholes shitty music, I feel helpless and enraged. I hope I don’t snap anytime soon, I hear prison sucks.
Noonch.
how did it start? well i don’t know i just feel the craving. i see the flesh and it smells fresh and it’s just there for the taking…
VvvV
I see a lot of people ranting about people using mobile phones in the car. I assume hands-free car kits are available in the US?
Here in Holland, it is illegal since January 1, 2000 to use a mobile phone in your car if you don’t use a hands-free kit. Seems like a good example to follow for many countries, since it IS very dangerous. I’ve got a carkit, and it’s a great invention. The only downside is that the person next to you in the traffic jam is probably thinking you’re nuts because you’re talking to yourself all the time
The way I see it, the telephone’s like a toilet. If you gotta use it you gotta, and you should go and use it, then wash your hands and do something else. Why would you want to carry the toilet around with you? “I’m so indispensible to my Business Associates I must needs crap here at my restaurant table!”
Okay, I live in NYC, so my opinions about Sport Utes may be alien to those of you who actually have to drive over snow and ice and rutted roads, and carry shovels and manure-spreaders and bales of alfalfa about, as opposed to pulling up at Tavern on the Green in a shiny new Range Rover. But with the price of crude oil rising like it is at the moment, you’ve got your own problems. Not that I’ll do any crying for you.
I’ll go one up on the microwave lasagna and just say that ALL Convenience Foods are evil.
The problem with cell phones is not the cell phone itself, as Democritus has so ably told us. Its the assholes that use it. Pull off the road to have your conversation. Turn it off at the movies or theater. Leave your table in a restaurant and go outside or in a back hallway.
Come on people get a lick of sense!
-Frankie
“Mother Mercy, can your loins bear fruit forever?/Is your fecundity a trammel or a treasure?”
-Bad Religion
As for you, Uke, next time you need to get in touch with me for an emergency drinking binge, don’t bother calling me on my cell phone. I’ll get your message when I’m already at home soaking in the tub. IMO, cell phones are a necessity for the socializing bar hopper.
“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright
Now just how the hell am I supposed to drink and drive while talking on the cell phone, smoking, shaving, eating a donut and running over motorcyclists if I don’t have my friggin beer hat!!??
Take it back!
What I tell you three times is true. The Hunting of the Snark.
Lewis Carroll
SaxFace: Nah, I’ll just have the barkeep page you. “SAXFACE? Is there a SAXFACE here? You got a phone call from UKULELE IKE. And I.P. Freely is holding on for you.”
Um, tell me something I didn’t know, Dem! running away like crazy (And come on, hon! You give me a line like that and expect me not to say anything???)
And as for my input…the salad shooter.
“You are sweet, kind, and considerate… Like a grown up boy scout with tits!”
Now you are on to something…how about the “HOT TOPPER”? It’s function was to melt butter, and apply it to popcorn, corn-on-the cob, etc. Totally useless! But they kept trying to sell it for years! (Somewhere there is a warehouse full of them!)
Minor highjacking for a funny story, related to Sax and Ike paging each other at the bar.
My friend Jane Lynch and I went to dinner a few years back. We signed in and waited at the bar for our table. The P.A. system finally blared out, “The Lynch party may come to their table now.”
We tried to look real tough as we strode through the joint . . .
