Worst Nigerian scam letter ever

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ll just leave this here. Enjoy.

(Very sporting to give me a week’s advance notice they’re coming to arrest me. Also interesting to note that apparently dentists can become high officials in international policing circles.)

FROM INTERNATIONAL POLICE ASSOCIATION UNITED STATES SECTION ( I.P. A ).
Region No. 2 New York City
P.O. Box 804 Knickerbockers Station
New York City, New -York 10002-0804 U.S.A.

The office of the international police association (I.P.A) hereby write to inform you that we caught a diplomat at (John F. Kennedy International Airport) here in New York with parcel box filed with united state dollars. Meanwhile, base on our interview to the diplomat (Mr. Festus Martins) he said that the parcel box belongs to you, that he was sent by REV. COLLINS MORRISON of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency Nigeria to deliver the parcel box to your doorstep, not knowing that the content of the parcel box is money. The diplomat also said that his first transit in the states was at Cincinnati Northern, Kentucky International Airport Ohio.

Now, the diplomat is under detention in the office of (I.P.A) security, and we cannot release him until we carry out our proper investigation on how this huge amount of money managed to be yours before we will release him with the boxes. So, in this regard, you are to re-assure and prove to us that the money you are about to receive is legal by sending us the Award Ownership Certificate showing that the money is not illegal. Note that the Noon Residential ertificate/Proof Of Ownership Certificate must to be secured from the office of the Senate president in Nigeria, because that is the only office that will issue you the original Certificate’s of these funds. You are advised to forward immediately the Certificate’s if you have it with you, but if you do not have it, we will urge you as a matter of urgency to contact back the sender of the diplomat to help you secure those Certificate’s if at all you did not have it. To Contact the Sender of The Diplomat, You are hereby ad

(Yep, the contact info is missing. How’s he gonna scam me if he doesn’t even tell me how to get in touch with him?)

Furthermore, we are giving you only but 5 working business days to forward the requested Certificates. Please note that we shall get back to you after the 5 working business days, if you didnt come up with the certificate we shall confiscate the funds into World Bank account then charge you for money laundry, but if you forward those Certificate’s then we will release the diplomat with your parcel box and also gives you every back up till the money arrives your doorstep. Also note that we are doing this to make sure that any huge amount of money like yours that enters United States is genuine, we regret any inconveniences this might have caused you.

Thanks for your understanding.
Yours Truly,
I.P.A REGION NO: 2 THANKS.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS H. KING DDS.

2

This is the very best part. Not only is he a scammer, he’s an incompetent scammer.

3

… Wait for more in the mail.
They may just not be as dumb as at first believed. Now that they have your attention, you will be checking the spam folder and everything for the address. You are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR MONEY LAUNDERING so you might as well comply and get the money.

Let us know when and if you are contacted with the address.

4

I’ve come to really enjoy reading these things. Is there a collection of them somewhere?

5

No, no, the best part is the signature: DOCTOR DOUGLAS H. KING DDS. Oh, crap! He’s a cop and a dentist? You’re doomed! Better figure out how to get that certificate’s quick!

I agree with the incompetence part though.

6

No joke! Two words: Marathon Man.

7

Maybe I’m jaded, but most of the scam emails I get are signed with multiple titles, such as JD and MD. I don’t think that I’ve ever had one claiming to be a dentist before, though.

8

Here’s one.

This is a collection of exchanges with people who have responded to the letters in an attempt to (humorously) bait the scammers.

I love reading about 419 fraud. I’m fairly certain it was researching the scams that brought me to the Straight Dope 12 years ago.

9

Well, ‘money laundry’, according to the message. What can I say, I like that springtime-fresh smell.

Anyway, the scam itself doesn’t make a lick of sense. I guess the idea was that I eventually (if the idiot hadn’t forgotten to put this in his message) pay someone a fee for the ‘Noon Residential ertificate/Proof Of Ownership Certificate’, but what’s my incentive? Why would I be charged for ‘money laundry’ if I DON’T claim ownership of the ‘parcel box’, but not be charged if I DO claim ownership?

Anyway, yeah, I did it. I was expecting a parcel box to be delivered by some mook named Festus, and straight in the washing machine it was going to go. So come and get me, denti…, I mean, coppers! I dares ya!

10

WTF is a ‘Noon Residential ertificate’? Does that mean you can only be in your residence at noon?

Also, I like how ‘international police association’ isn’t capitalized and the initials are always in parentheses.

11

Seems legit

12

Even if I am in fact gullible enough to take this letter as legitimate, what the hell am I supposed to do in response?

It’s sounds like a story some lunatic would tell me on the subway.

13

If only he had used a diplomatic bag instead of a parcel box! :smack:

14

You know, I’ve had a hard day and could use an IPA.

15

Clearly a scam.

El_Kabong knows this, as he was expecting a parcel box full of opium.

16

I guess they teach dentistry at the Police Academy now… or maybe law enforcement at the dental schools.

17

Mr. Festus Martins - noooo! He’s my favorite diplomat! I’m so disillusion!

18

Better.

There are a couple of websites dedicated to “scammer hunting”. Here’s one.

The idea behind it, (other than messing with them), is that if they’re spending time and energy thinking they’re reeling in a likely victim for profit, then they’re not scamming a real victim.

The site has a bunch of methods for hunting “lads” as they’re called, and how to do it without being traced or whatever.

It also has a bunch of examples of the scams they use.

19

So THAT’s who stole my shoebox of money that I left at the Cincinnati Northern, Kentucky International Airport Ohio! It was all legit, I swear! I’ll send you a check for $1,000,000 united state dollar if you return it to me. Please mail it to:

20

I was thinking Orly Taitz. I wonder if he does real estate too?