I give anything to see that…
deep breath Well, I have to edit most of this because I really hate seeming like a classist creep. Let me say that I don’t care how much one spends on a wedding. My own was cheaply done. My main beef with this one is that it was trying to be an expensive elaborate wedding with an extremely tight budget. On better days, I see this as being a touching example of the couple saying “screw etiquette, let’s do what we want.” On less charitable days, it’s the wildest thing I’ve ever seen. Okay, some details:
The wedding was held in the beach area of a RV and mobile-home park–like one of those campgrounds that has gradually evolved to be a permanent, year-round residence for people. As we drove around the rutted roads, we kept seeing signs that said “No Cussin’” It was october and pretty cold, and the chairs kept sinking in the sand. The bridesmaids dresses were sleeveless–remember, this is outdoors in Michigan. Not cold enough, I’m afraid, to kill off the bees which were buzzing everywhere and landing on guests.
There were 12 attendants on both sides. Not a lot of guests.
The groomsmen wore white gloves with their tuxes, very ill-fitting–they looked like Mickey Mouse hands. The bridemaids gowns were like ballgowns, as was the brides. All had trouble walking on the sand. It was a morning wedding and everything (the setting, etc) screamed “casual” but the wedding party was done up to the nines.
The bride was late because something had gone wrong with the ice and the frozen deserts all melted. She went with her mom to Sam’s club to get some substitutes–nothing wrong with Sam’s Club, but SEND SOMEONE ELSE!
They released white doves during the ceremony. As they were cooing in their cages, waiting for release, my boss nudges me and points up to the sky. There are hawks circling. Heh. Those doves lit out of there and fled for their lives. We didn’t see any carnage, but the suspense was delicious.
For the recessional, one of the bridesmaids (the one with the huge tattoo sticking out from her sleeveless gown) lit up her cigarette while still walking down the aisle.
At the reception, our buffet line happened to snake by the attendant’s table. It was awkward to be standing in front of them while they were eating, so my boss (also the groom’s boss), an elegant, classy woman, made idle chit-chat with one of the groomsmen. “What’s good?” she asked. Barely lifting his head from his plate, he said “Try the Fucking Mostociolli.” To this day, that line still gets used in our office.
I’ll end here. It was quite a wedding.
I’ve been working in the catering business the last few years and boy could I tell you some stories.
Frequently, when I’m working a corporate event someone will come up to the bar and say, ‘hey, you were at my wedding, do you remember?’. I’m always tempted to say, 'You’re going to have to give me more to go on, any fights break out? Any one break anything?, but, of course, I’m much to polite for that.
The one we all still talk about in awed tones we refer to as the ‘Biker Stripper wedding’. To be fair, he USED to be a biker, she USED to be a stripper. A huge fight broke out (hey, we were ready, we had employed a bouncer for the event, highly unusual indeed) before it was over. Between the best man and the bride. Ripped her $$$$ gown all to shit. Knock down, drag out, fisticuffs. What a beauty event.A couple of years later she tried to run him down with his own truck. He wasn’t especially shocked she’d tried to kill him but he was extremely angry that it was his own truck!
I also did a beautiful summer wedding where Scotty Bowman was attending. All the waiters with beside themselves, of course there were other hockey types there but he’s the only one I remember. I won $5 off a waiter by being able to pick him out of the crowd. After the meal and the toasts, the dessert and coffee, after the first dance a huge fight broke out. Cleared the tent mostly. It was late, so, of course the caterers all thought the event was about to end and started clearing the tables and packing up. I mean there were ambulances and stitches and all. But no, hockey types are not put off by a little blood - set them tables back up and bring me some more drinks!
I suppose I’ve been somewht lucky as most of the weddings I have attended have been fine. However, the award for the worst one I’ve been to is sadly, my own. This is extremely long but I just have to let it out!
It is not nearly as horrible as some that have been mentioned but it sucked for me. The night before, the girlfriend of one of our groomsmen asked me to run out for a minute with her to check and see where he was–she thought he was out screwing around. Well, a minute turned into ALL NIGHT!
My wedding was scheduled for 1pm the next day and she dropped me off at home at 8am. Yes, I tried to get her to bring me home earlier but she wouldn’t. I don’t live in an area where there are busses or even taxi service without paying an arm and a leg. But it didn’t matter because the area she took me to was so isolated (it’s where the girl she suspected of the infidelity lived) that I couldn’t have found a phone to call anyone.
Anyway, I got home and took a shower. After dryng my hair, my mother calls me from the reception sight telling me that they just delivered my cake and I need to hurry and come down there to fix it the way I want.
It was a simple cascade cake. Five tiers, each on a separate pedestal, in descending size order–not brain surgery. But my mother insisted that I had to come and fix it. So, I went to the reception hall, spent 20 seconds fixing the cake, and then my mother says, “While you’re here, why don’t you set up the centerpieces on the tables?” Um, maybe because I am getting married in a couple hours and I don’t have my hair fixed or my dress on or anything!
So, my bridesmaids set up the centerpieces while I went to get dressed. My mother had brought with her the special strapless bra I had ordered for my dress. I go to get it out of the package–no bra. She had accidently packed it up with some things she sent to Goodwill!
I cannot wear a regular bra, it is a Sunday and the Mall does not open until 1pm–the same time as the wedding! I have a strapless bra at home that is about two sizes too small for me but I have my matron of honor go and get it anyway, along with a body shaper to help give lift. I put the body shaper on, put the entirely too tight strapless bra on over it and tuck the shaper straps into the bodice. I now know how it feels to be trussed up in a whalebone corset with stays and everything. I could barely breathe!
I have had no sleep, I rushed around all morning and now I am in great pain and I cannot bend over or breathe! Did I mention that it had been raining really hard that morning and the ceremony was outside? My husband-to-be and his groomsmen spent the morning hand-drying all the chairs (set up before the rain started) with towels. As the ceremony begins, my three year old flower girl and ring bearer are walking down the aisle when the train (that we were assured would not run anywhere around time for our wedding) comes speeding by, blowing its whistle. My ring bearer screams and runs one way and my flower girl screams and runs the other way. It was kind of cute for the most part but we were assured there would be no train!
The rest of the ceremony went well except for the fact that one of our groomsmen was so hung over that not only did his wife have to dress him, drive him to the ceremony and help him walk to his place in the gazebo, he was tottering around like he was either going to fall or puke (or both) at any second. (All of my wedding pictures show him leaning on something for support with his eyes rolled back in his head.) The train comes by again two more times during the ceremony–whistle and all!
After the ceremony, my husband and I walked to the designated place for receiving and everyone just kind of got up and walked over to us without first letting the parents, grandparents and wedding party assemble with us. So it was more like a receiving crowd than a receiving line. This is because my wedding coordinator refused to rehearse the recessional with anyone.
What? Oh yes, I did say wedding coordinator. I actually paid my aunt, who is a part-time wedding coordinator to take care of all these little pesky details. Why did she not do this? Because she was mad at me.
See, she is the dominating matriarch of our family and nothing is done without her approval. So when she found out I was getting amrried, of course she was the only one allowed to plan and throw the shower. She scheduled it for the week before the wedding because that was the only weekend free in her busy schedule. So my mother and I rearranged our schedules to fit hers. We talk over the next few weeks, she says she is working on it, blah, blah, blah.
The day before the shower was supposed to happen, we hadn’t heard any details about times or anything so my mom calls her. “Oh, I’ve got plans that day. I’m going to a shower for a girl at church.” So, now I have no wedding shower from my family. So a couple of my other aunts get together and throw an impromptu shower for me and one of their houses. She (my bitch of an aunt) stops by half-way through, interupting my present opening demanding that we go over details again because she doesn’t want three year olds to be in the wedding.
I explain that the flower girl is my niece and the ring bearer is my best friends’ son and she says “Well, they’ll just interfere. I don’t think they should even be there.” I firmly put my foot down and tell her they will be in the wedding, no matter what happens and go back to opening presents. She was mad at me for not trusting her judgement and my aunts for having a shower without her! So, she deliberately sabbotaged my wedding. I hate that woman!
My wife and I were married by a judge. If I wanted a religious wedding, I would have been married by a preacher. Yet I got to listen to this long religious speech which mentioned Jesus about ten times. Hello, didn’t he notice the Jewish last name on the marriage license???
BTW, I should clarify things, I am not Jewish, though my ancestors were. I’m just used to my name keeping people from assuming I’m a Christian.
It wasn’t bad.
It wasn’t awful.
The ceremony was just …what’s the word…*uncomfortable *
It was my SIL wedding. Tastefully done to the nth degree. I have never ever in my life of attending weddings seen a homily where the pastor just gushes over the bride and the joys of being a fruitful woman. The entire ceremony was about the bride. Being a dutiful christian woman, blah blah blah.
I was a bridesmaid and the two other bridesmaids and I just exchanged glances like, " WTF?" I did make a comment about " What about the husband and learning how to cook and pick up after himself?"
A very good friend of mine ( a friend of the wedding couple through the brides brother, my husband.) came up to me after the wedding and said, " What was that all about?"
Just odd. But now, I realize, it fits her holier than thou self absorbed way.
As someone who recently got engaged all I have to say is :eek: , I knew I shouldn’t have read that thread!!