Yeah, it’s not worth the time worrying about what other people call you. Just be grateful that folks have a reason to bother wanting to use your name.
There are so many names besides the ones that are in the top ten on baby lists that are still considered mainstream.
I’m not so attached to any girl’s name (and we’re not talking gender-neutral, like Cameron, or Jordan, but stereotypically female like Emma, or Mary) that I’d just have to use it, even if my baby turned out to be a boy. I’m not so attached to any boy’s name that I’d want to give it to my daughter.
If my daughter asked why I named her John, or my son asked why I named him Mary, I’d literally have no explanation for that at all. I wouldn’t be kowtowing to someone’s stupidity by not giving my son a girl’s name (or daughter a boy’s name). I’d be engaging in stupid behavior of my own, if I did. I’m not taking issue with somebody who decides to name their kid after great-uncle Beverly or who thinks Allison is a wonderful name for their future son. If they’re attached, they should have at it.
Of course I was worried about finding a name I’d like . But there wasn’t just one name I liked - and plenty of them didn’t have built-in, almost guaranteed annoyances. Lots of Michaels don’t mind having a common name and plenty of Jonathans prefer to be called Jon- but I have never known a Deborah or Michele who didn’t get tired of spelling her name.
Most people choosing names couldn’t possibly have any idea what the kid might like, as the kid either isn’t born yet or is a couple of days old when the name is chosen , so we’re really only talking about what the parents like. And although I know there are people who get very attached to names years before a child is in the picture, (to the point that they get upset if a cousin or friend chooses “their” name) being that attached to one particular name doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean , it can’t be the only name these people like- what will they do if they have more than one child?
One problem is that it really is a pain in the ass to change your name if you don’t like it. IDs, paperwork… And most importantly, good luck with getting people to go along with you. If I announced tomorrow that I wanted to go by a new first name, people would look at me very funny indeed. Not really something you do if you don’t want your employer to think that you’re a little bit weird.
So, if you’re a boy named Sue (or any other person with a name that you don’t like), you’re kind of stuck.
I know all about this, because I really dislike my first name. But I’m not entirely sure that I can get away with changing it at this point.
We need some kind of culturally accepted and commonly practiced ritual for either choosing to keep your name, or changing it to something you actually like, at a certain age. Say, age 18 or 20. With an option for another swap at 30. No questions asked, and everybody has to be OK with your choice. I’m totally instituting that when I become dictator of the world.
No, no one is “stuck” with a name they don’t like. It is legally difficult to change a name, yes. But not socially or informally. Nicknames are VERY common in our society. And middle names function just like “back up” first names. A man named Sue who goes by Sue does so completely voluntarily.
Seriously, am I the only one whose circle of associates almost all go by the middle names?
I know a few people who go by their middle names. It’s nowhere near “almost all.” In almost all of those cases it’s because they are named after their fathers and they’ve been called by their middle names since childhood by their own families to prevent confusion.
Giving a kid a nickname instead of a real name is a pretty big offense, in my book. There were a couple of parents once, whose daughter grew up to be a corporate attorney. But when she was a baby, they gave her a cutesy name after the nickname of a TV character (whose real name was Elizabeth). So, defending Westinghouse in the PCB lawsuit was lead attorney Buffy Cohen.
Maybe because it’s usually spelled Julian?
It’s a last name. In the US in the North, last names as first name was a WASPish thing to do for boys only, but in the South, it’s been done routinely for girls for a long time, it’s my understanding.
My son John is named after my oldest childhood friend, who died of brain cancer when we were 34. He has fascinating parents. My friend, I mean. I leave it up to others to judge the fascinating-ness of my husband and me. But at least we didn’t name him after the city where he was conceived, spelled backwards, or some crap like that.
I once read a post on a baby-naming board where a woman was thrilled to find out she was having a girl, because she wanted to name her “Nevaeh,” or “Heaven spelled backwards.” I was really puzzled as to why this recent and totally made up, trendy name was a girl’s name somehow. Why couldn’t you name a boy that? (Although, why name any child that is beyond me frankly. And don’t get me started on the ones called “Neveah.”)
All the middle-namers I know have gone by their middle names since birth. It’s not always easy to get your social circle on board with calling you a new name. Especially if that circle is your family.
Only here could someone find controversy in a desire to give a boy a name usually used for boys.
Monstro, are you from the southern U.S.? Going by a middle name is common there. I grew up in Indiana, and only ever knew one person who went by his middle name. I remember our third grade teacher had a hard time believing the name he went by wasn’t his first name.
It’s pretty easy to fit which circle of people that the person addressing you falls into though. 
I go by a childhood nickname or my middle name to my family, the nick among schoolmates, my nomme de chanteuse for performing and writing, but my “grown-up” name with everyone else. The name that you call me tells a lot about where you know me from.
No way in hell. I would want my son to be manly, and not to be teased for having a female name. Same reason I wouldn’t name him Shit, or Dildo.
Well, there you have it.
Shit’s pretty manly. Women poo-poo.
It may be a last name, but I’m having a hard time thinking of any last name that hasn’t been also used as a first name. The guy with the first name was a writer. I have a reference to him but don’t have the time to look for him on the internet (I think I need his last name to find him.) 1920s-era guy.
Actually, thinking that giving your newborn girl a traditionally male name is empowering, while giving your newborn boy a traditionally female name is child abuse, is not sexist. At this time, in this culture, it’s just the truth. But the fact that it’s the truth is proof that this culture that we live in right now is sexist as all fuck.
The only rational reason not to give boys feminine names is the abuse and harassment that they are likely to get from a certain segment of their peers (and sadly, a certain segment of adults). If we can all just collectively get over the idea that it is contemptible, shameful and ridiculous for men to be like women in any way however minor, this problem will go away and we can have all the male Elisabeth’s that we want.
For a while in school, there were five other boys (out of about 20-25 total kids) in the class with the same perfectly normal first name as me. Didn’t make me wish my parents had named me something different.
I’ve actually had more friends in life that had the same first name as me than any other name, never bothered me in the slightest, I thought it was cool. My best friend ever had the same first name as me, and in a really odd twist, his mom had the same first name as my mom, and they were friends too.
Not necessarily. You are being way too simplistic. If you have a shit first name (such as mine, till I legally changed it) you don’t have all of the power in determining how you will be called. It’s on your Driver’s License, SS Card, VA, insurance-doctor’s office, etc… Every employer knows it, you will have to go through some song-and-dance to get them to call you same. In a classroom, the professor will call roll, and say “If you go by something else, let me know.” Oh, that fucking helps:
Instructor: “Shithead Miller?” [everybody, make that EVERYBODY, in class looks around, 1/2 laugh, 1/2 
]
Shithead Miller: “I go by Johnathan”. [even more laughs, and more ] Sometimes, even the professor gets in on the laughs.
On CV: Judas Iscariot “Ron” Smith. When your new employer calls your old job, they will ask for JI, not “Ron”.
One cannot hide from a shit name. Believe me.
I submit that the answer is ‘yes’.
nm: being a dick.
Shirley.
It’s a feminine name now, but before Charlotte Bronte wrote the novel Shirley it was a man’s name.