Just to ask: or else…?
I like this attitude.
I think you are coming from more or less where I’d like to come from as a parent. As a Christian, I don’t believe all denominations are created equal, and yet I’m not sure that the differences aren’t often more significant in name than in deed.
I’m willing to let my theoretical child explore activities held by other churches (and possibly other religions), but at the end of the day, I don’t want my child choosing which church to attend for frivolous reasons.
Children might not say that–though I’m pretty sure some do, my sister for one–but I can quite clearly recall thinking it when I was a kid. I was never inclined to to talk a lot, though. Think about it–surely you remember being skeptical of something an adult told you at some point. Or maybe you were just quite a gullible kid. 
But I bet you do remember something like that.
I voted yesterday. We have a religion we all belong to in this household, and I believe it to be true. However, that’s a decision everyone has to make as they get older. I can’t force my kids to believe anything, though I do teach them my beliefs. If, as they get older, they give it serious thought and decide to do something else, there isn’t much I can do to stop them, and I would think it wrong to try.
Our future kids are free to choose. My parents raised me that way as well. As a child I visited and participated in a broad range of religions, from Christian to Buddhist. I am agnostic now.
David Cross has a very funny bit about deciding his child will be Amish, which he of course is not. No computer games, lots of chores to do, early to bed, etc.
To hell with them!
I’m planning on taking the same approach (with my hypothetical children) as Lobsang, myself. I’ll be happy to have serious conversations about it, but I won’t push them one way or another. I won’t like it one bit if they do start attending church, but I won’t stop them.
I didn’t raise my kids to be atheists, but I did raise them to think logically, I did read some of the Bible with them, to encourage critical reading, and we of course provided role models of not going to church with no ill effects. They both went to a church preschool (but a mild one) and they both could and did go to church or shul when invited by friends. For the most part, their reaction was that religion was nonsense, and they are both atheist adults. I think trying to prevent them from religious experience would make it seem like it had answers and would make it enticing.
I suppose in parent-centered families it would be possible to brainwash a child. But I have my doubts how well that would last once he was on his own. Children who are forced into unsuitable roles generally choose the polar opposite when they hit their teen years.
The natural rebellion isn’t harmful of itself. But being a reaction, rather than an action, it may not be his best choice.
Because family togetherness is a significant part of raising a healthy child, if the parents attend a service of organized religion I think the children should be included. Questions and conversation should be encouraged.
And a wide variety of resources should be available to them as they mature so that they can develop the lifestyle which is best suited to their needs.
I don’t believe you can go far astray with teaching a child how to make wise choices for himself - not WHAT to choose, but rather HOW to choose.
They go to Atheist Hell, where they get to listen to bad recordings of sermons by Jack-Chick-level thelogians of every religion known to every sentient species in this and other universes.
Lobsang, one of the Important Differences between adults I trusted and adults I feared/was subject to was that I could say “I don’t think you’re right” to the first group but not to the second. A bad reaction to “I disagree” got a grown-up stuck in the second bin. This is from before I even entered first grade. Nowadays, my 4yo nephew can express disagreement with his father and with me, and so long as he does it reasoning it’s fine (“I don’t see why” or “I don’t agree” are fine, “YOU SUCK!!!” is not); his mother isn’t so good about it.
I would try to let them have freedom of choice, as far as is possible.
When it comes to the practice of said religion, there might be a problem - insofar as entrusting my kids temporarily to the care of a group of complete strangers (moreover, strangers with perhaps a common, and not-societally-normal agenda) may be a problem.
I was raised Lutheran (but am agnostic more than anything) and the assumption was that we would raise TheKid Lutheran, also. To my parents dismay, we chose not to have her baptised until she made her own decision. My mom even we so far as to try and have her baptised Luthern behind our backs.
TheKid and I talked about religion, attended services of other faiths, talked to others - and in the end she decided she wanted to be Lutheran. She chose to be baptised, and I think she appreciates that we let her choose. She could have chosen nothing, and that would have been okay with us.
I was raised Methodist and converted to Judaism as an adult. It would be rank hypocrisy if I didn’t allow my (hypothetical) children to do likewise if they found that Judaism wasn’t right for them.
My mom is not thrilled that I chose to become Jewish instead of Christian. I would have the right to not be happy about it if one of my hypothetical kids chose Christianity or Islam. And I’d even be OK with that, as long as they weren’t the kind of Christian who feels the need to try to convert everybody in sight to their brand of religion, or the kind of Muslim who says bad things about people of other religions.
I would ask them to keep kosher in my house, but I ask my non-Jewish never-been-Jewish guests to do that, too. You can’t really have a household where some people keep kosher and some don’t, at least not if you keep kosher to the level that we do, with separate dishes and utensils for meat and dairy.
I don’t think it’s a good thing to force a teenager to practice your religion or go to religious services with you until they turn 18. That makes religion seem like something you’re forced to do, and I think it turns them off from it. It also can be a flash point for conflict, and many parent-teenager relationships have enough of that without another one. I think it’s better to back off around bar mitzvah age (around 13) and let them start to make choices about what religious practices, if any, they want as part of their lives.
I am an atheist. When my kids were young, they went through stages where church attendance was attractive as a social activity. I drove them to church and picked them up after. My daughter worked at a church sponsored soup kitchen.
Today, my daughter is 19 and my son is 14. Both consider themselves atheists. My daughter still works to help feed those in need.
Yes. I don’t currently have kids, but if I did, I would not try to force them into believing something they didn’t. There are a lot of factors that go into something like this, though. If my child told me they wanted to start sacrificing chickens (yeah, I know, not likely, just giving the extreme example), then I would not be happy. However, I would be fully supporting and willing to take them to church, or church functions, if that’s what they wanted.
As a side note, I think it would be a lot harder for a (religious) parent to accept their child choosing no religion over a different religion. My parents would ground us as kids if we chose not to go to church. So, skipping church meant no TV, telephone, computer, hanging out with friends, etc. As a teenager, I argued my way into attending a different church and they did accept that, but they wouldn’t have accepted choosing no religion at all.
I’m not sure how other (religious) folks are, but I imagine this is fairly common.
Absolutely. I was raised as a Hindu, but in a pretty half-assed way.
My mother taught me the family’s daily prayers (Vakratunda Mahakaya, the brief invocation to Ganesh, and another one I don’t remember the name of, which we said in the evening) and occasionally made me participate in puja at home, and that was about it. We went to mandirs (temples) maybe three or four times, all for weddings or blessing ceremonies for infants.
Pretty much the “most Hindu” thing we did was hold a Hindu marriage blessing ceremony for my (agnostic) brother and his (atheist, raised Christian) bride, which was basically their idea anyway. It was more a nod to our traditions than to the religion, and they had a secular wedding ceremony officiated by a registrar (roughly the UK equivalent of a notary).
My soon-to-be-wife is Methodist, and though she doesn’t go to church she plans to raise our children as Methodist. I cut a deal with her: she can take them to church as often as she takes them to ceremonies of other faiths, and we won’t lie to them about daddy’s beliefs (ie., none).
I guess I’m weird. The only way I would have an issue is if my kids joined a known cult, but they are free to make their own decisions regarding religion or lack thereof. Even if they decided to be athiests, it would not affect our relationship or change how fiercely I love my kids.
I constantly let them know that it’s okay to ask questions, and I will always answer as honestly as I can. If they want to go to another church, I will happily go with them. When they are a couple of years older, I will share with them about my searching time. They need to know that doubting and questioning are a normal and healthy part of life, and you just don’t toe the party line, as it were.
My parents were both non practicing Catholics with a wide circle of friends who had very diverse beliefs. Starting at around 9, I was very interested in religion and attended services in almost every religion and read their religious texts. and the end result was a belief that most organized religion is controlled by humans and therefore is flawed.
My own kids have been encourage to always question and to understand that everyone who talks is doing so from their own beliefs. That was a little rough when my ex put them in catholic school for a year (Try telling your religion teacher you don’t believe in God.)
I certainly believe that you have a responsibility to teach children everything you believe, but teaching them to question, even when it means them questioning you is very important too. If their questions make you uncomfortable perhaps your faith isn’t as strong as you think.
I think that’s a great attitude to have. My parents never discouraged questioning, in fact they always encouraged open discussion. However, going to church was still required, and not having a religion at all was definitely not an option as a kid. I suppose to give background, neither of my parents’ parents were religious. My grandpa on my mom’s side is atheist and openly mocked my mother and her beliefs as a child and into adulthood. My dad’s parents just never cared that much at all, and as a kid he would go to church with neighbors. So finding religion for them was a big deal and I suppose they expected it to be an equally big deal for me.
I actually went to a boarding school my freshmen year of high school. At one point I was called in to the Girl’s Dean’s office to discuss my ‘questioning’ of things. At the time, I was studying other religions, and someone had searched my dorm room (without my knowledge) and found a book on the history of witchcraft and how it was viewed throughout history (a book my grandma gave me, mind you). I believe the Dean’s exact words to me were: “We encourage searching, just not here.” Within a few months of that incident I transferred to public school and moved back home.
It just surprised me that studying other religions was viewed as something that was threatening. For me, learning about other religions didn’t sway me one way or another, it just made me think more in depth on certain issues.
Only hypothetical kids here, but I agree. I’d really only be bothered if they did join a known cult, or if they felt that their new religion (or lack of religion) made it necessary for them to not respect my religious choices. If they were the kind of atheist who feels they have to knock religion every chance they get, yes, that would bother me. If they were the kind of Christian who feels they have to proselytize to everybody, that would bother me too. It would actually bother me, too, if they became a more or less observant Jew than me, and were determined to convert me to their level of observance or non-observance.
I wouldn’t even mind terribly if they privately thought religion was a negative force, or that I was going to hell, or that my religious beliefs or practices were silly, as long as they could shut up about it and be civil when I’m around. That’s what my parents and I do, and that’s what I’d expect any hypothetical kid of mine who didn’t believe the same things I do to do.