My boyfriend’s business partner (a friend of both of us) just lost his grandmother after a fairly lengthy illness. (Now, I thought it was the grandmother he was really close to, and it wasn’t, so this isn’t as big a deal as I thought when I started thinking casserole, because he wasn’t at the hospital night and day and really torn up like he will be when the other one dies. But still, I want opinions on the basic concept.)
This is a single guy in his mid-20’s, in his own apartment. I thought I should bring over a casserole or some homemade bread or something, because I was raised that that’s what you do. I figured it would be especially appreciated since probably all the food is going to his parents instead of him, and that people might not be thinking about how he has to keep the shop open and everything and be in all that planning stuff, etc. So I texted the boyfriend to ask if he had any opinions on what I should make, and he called me back to say, no, that’s weird, it would make the guy uncomfortable, he isn’t involved in the planning and he doesn’t have kids, we should just take him out to dinner or something, that’s what normal people our age do.
Now, the point of giving people food is that they might not feel like going out, right? And they can freeze it, that’s why you do casseroles. I mean, you also try to get them to go out with you, but you really bring food because 1) people will be coming over (which does not apply in this case, true) and 2) they’re tired, they’re upset, they shouldn’t have to do things.
So, do people in their 20’s not bring over casseroles when other people in their 20’s lose family members? Am I full of crazy? Because my parents are a lot older than most people’s parents, and I do sometimes do things that I only find out later are kind of old-fashioned, and sometimes that might make somebody uncomfortable and that’s the last thing I’d want to do.
ETA - he did say I was allowed to send flowers from us. So evidently that’s okay.