All right, some people need to calm the shit down. Why do people think that pranking is inherently mean, bullying, exploitative, a control issue, or whatever? No, not all pranks are created equal; some are meaner than others, some are funny, some are not. But yes, as different as they may be, they do share the goal of making the prankee feel like an ass momentarily. Now then, this means the pranker is necessarily some mean-spirited bully who wants to be mean and bad and control you? I think the assumption usually is there will be some light-hearted laughter at your expense, but it’ll be no big deal once the joke is revealed because you will get over it and laugh at yourself.
Oh my God, are you serious? I would sue the shit out of these people for emotional damages. Actually, there’s no amount of money that can make it okay that for even one moment, for instance, you made me think I had lost my child (I don’t actually have children, but I’m imagining someone “pranking” me that a member of my family was killed. I’d LOSE MY SHIT). The best word for something like this is ‘psychotic’. I had such an intense visceral reaction to even reading your post, which only got worse when I went to look up the Wikipedia article about this show.
So yes, to answer the OP, that kind of “humor” is not only not funny, it’s manipulative and a bit sadistic. The funny thing is seeing someone’s reaction to a piece of terrible news? No, thanks.
Nope.
(my bolding)
This is exactly what bothers me about the OP’s situation. This host was someone Dripping didn’t know well. The host is supposed to make guests feel welcome and at ease. He didn’t know Dripping well enough to joke in such a manner with him.
Personally, I don’t care to have people make me ‘feel like an ass’, momentarily or otherwise. I don’t think this necessarily makes the pranker a ‘mean-spirited bully’ but it does mean that the pranker is not someone I will enjoy spending time with. So I’d probably not pursue the friendship.
That’s just it. Some people won’t ‘get over it and laugh’ at themselves. The host had no way of knowing if Dripping was that kind of person or not. He should have used a milder joke.
Of course, this thing solved two problems at once. The host can see that Dripping isn’t the kind of person he’d get along with, and Dripping can see that the host is someone he won’t get along with. So now they don’t have to waste time pursuing the friendship.
I think the first example is kind of funny, but the second one is not. Joking like in the first example can be a bonding experience.
This is the crux of the problem, and the reason people who are not socially adept have so much trouble learning how to be social. For people who are not socially adept, each social event is a serious affair, and screwing up is genuinely scary. So no, that is not the sort of assumption you should be making, at least not with strangers. It is rude and mean.
But why would you laugh at yourself? In the situation in the OP, he didn’t do anything funny or worth laughing about. He showed up at a party when he was supposed to. That’s not funny. Why should he laugh at himself for that?
People like the host in the OP often don’t have any real sense or knowledge of humor. They merely use the veneer of humor to try to get away with being dicks.
I’m reminded of the Rowan Atkinson “Fatal Beatings” skit that ends “Of course I’m joking. I wouldn’t cancel sunday school for that little shit!”
I think that’s the crux of the matter. If the OP showed up late or made some other minor social mishap, and the host made a joke about it, the OP should’ve been able to laugh it off. Otherwise, making that type of “joke” with someone you don’t know well is a bit awkward.
A related “joke” is when someone will mention that their mom died, and you’ll give them your heartfelt condolences, only to have them not only say “psyche! she’s not really dead!” but then laugh at you for being so stupid to fall for their awesome prank. Really? Is someone’s mother dying so outlandish and absurd that anyone who believes it is a fool? These types of jokes are pretty obnoxious.
I semi-agree with the OP, yet I found Borat absolutely hilarious because A: it wasn’t happening to me and B: a lot of the people he messes with are stupid, racist, or both, so I don’t really feel sorry for them.
Isn’t life all about momentarily feeling like an ass? Personally, I rarely dish these out to others, since I’m incredibly socially awkward, but it can be hilarious on the receiving end if it isn’t obliviously mean-spirited. The first situation in the OP was perfectly fine, but the second one is a bit over the line due to the seriousness of the event. Going to the wrong party? Who the hell cares? Losing one’s job? Not something to joke about unless it’s obviously not true. Once you know the person well enough, then you can joke about deaths and other serious things. Only if they are the type of person that would be OK with those jokes, of course.
I can see the positive side of this, though. If becoming “socially adept” is your goal, then learning not to take yourself so seriously is something you’ll have to learn, anyways. People are going to insult you whether they mean to or not.
One of the things I’ve had to learn in therapy is that the spotlight is almost never on me. It’s okay to make a mistake. Since no one is going to be perfect all their life, that’s another thing they’ll have to learn.
Anyways, I think the first joke in the OP is fine, if only because it’s so transparent. It’s a pretty standard joke.
Finally, all you people who are saying they would not be friends with someone who made such a joke: do you routinely let one mistake dictate the entire worth of a friendship? That might explain why you feel you can’t make a mistake.
Humor that is uses people’s better instincts against them is reprehensible. “Ha ha! What a fool you were to trust me! Guess you’ll know better than to believe anything someone tells you next time!” It’s the verbal equivalent of pulling someone’s chair out from under them - funny to you but potentially quite painful to the victim.
But hey! It’s their own fault for “taking themselves so seriously”…
Some people may not like the tension brought on by the feeling. The first one is minor and I would defuse the tension by retorting with a joke or a mock beating, or just a dry “Ha ha. Joke.”. The second case is more extreme though; I agree that isn’t funny and is poor material for a joke.
I do not want to read too much into the OP, but he/she said he/she felt embarrassed before the host. Maybe that’s the real source of the discomfort, not the joke per se.
My Idiot Uncle (not by blood, promise, and it’s not my fault my aunt married him) almost got strangled by his parents for telling them as a joke that his brother, who was driving up from the other end of the country for Christmas, had been in a car crash and the whole family had been killed. When he went “c’mon, it’s a joke, haha,” his mother went to the kitchen and closed the door with a slam, his father told him to leave the house and his wife and children physically took him to theirs. He got himself instantly uninvited from every family function for that Christmas season.
I’ll give the Teeming Millions only one guess as to how did the brother and two of his children die, two Christmases later :(:smack:
Often, a joke can break the ice.
Right.
Jesus Lords, if someone’s social ineptitude is so severe that all interactions are a serious affairs, that someone is the problem, and not the people making jokes.
Because it’s not that big of a deal? Because momentarily he got worked up over something that is silly.
Right.
A lot of people are saying things like, “Jokes about your family being raped by terrorists, then dying in a fire aren’t funny!” Well no shit. “Ha ha, the party’s tomorrow”? Still not particularly funny, but not in poor taste.
I said I wouldn’t want to spend much time around someone who made a habit of it. If they’re doing it repeatedly, they obviously don’t consider it a mistake. And no, I don’t consider such behavior particularly conducive to friendship. Life’s too short to waste my time by spending it in the company of assholes.
Also, when people who do this are informed that it’s an asshole move, they generally aren’t sorry about it, but rather pull the old “Can’t you take a joke?” bit. If I did something that made my friend feel bad and was called on it, I’d feel bad and apologize, and sure as shit I wouldn’t act like it was their fault or do it again.
So can “Hi, it’s great to meet you! Come on in and have a beer. So, how do you know Bob?” Why not take the path of least resistance?
Meh, they’re both fine. Your scenario would be better if the host offered a bourbon, but I shant be picky.
Oh, wait, no, while typing my last sentence, I found a flaw in a harmless offering. Here goes: The guest is a recovering alcoholic, and his dad used to beat his mother when drunk, and his sister was killed by a drunk driver, so he hates beer, and is caused deep, emotional distress by the offer. Silly, of course, to assume someone will be offended by a harmless joke or gesture. If you are, that’s your problem.
Sure it can. But not a joke poking fun at a guest you don’t know well. That is bad manners. In this case, the joke isn’t the problem so much as the host’s lack of manners is.
Sometimes one mistake can dictate the entire worth of a friendship; it depends upon what it is.
Example: I meet someone and have casual conversation. I mention that my daughter works downtown. The person says, “Oh, I would never let my daughter work there. Too many (racial slur)s there.” I would not pursue a friendship with that person.
Sometimes a thing like this merely serves to point out the fact that I and the other person won’t get along. Sometimes neither one of us is wrong, or right; we’re just incompatible.
But I don’t feel that way.