It’s 10 am on Sunday, and we’re having a yard sale. I’ve never had one before and I honestly don’t ever want to do it again, though I suspect we will. We didn’t advertise it in the paper or Craigslist, but probably should have. So far we’ve made $27 off some stuff that’s been in my shed for the last three years. I’m tempted to crack a beer (I’ve got a 12-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the fridge), but my wife says drinking beer at 10:00 in the morning at your yard sale is not within the boundaries of responsible behavior. Plus, I just sold my beer helmet (for $1!).
Of course it’s responsible. It’s Sunday and you’re having a yard sale.
Tell the wife that you’ve already placed yourself out of Hilton-in-the-Hamptons territory and go enjoy a brew.
Responsible, hell. I thought it was required!
Funny – for Papa Lacha, having a Bud at ten in the morning (or at least 11) was the essence of Hamptons Living!* My mom still holds her annual yard sale in the autumn, and now she’s roped her brother and sister-in-law into bringing stuff and helping to host it. AFAIK, though, she doesn’t drink beer.
*extra points for having it Down At The Firehouse After Going To The Dump, way back when, when such things were done. Two soda machines were there: one dispensed soda, one dispensed beer.
You started a yard sale at 9:00AM? I’m surprised you’re still alive, frankly. The blue hairs (who consider 7:00 to be about lunch time) don’t take kindly to that shit and will let you know it. The one time I had a yard sale I did make sure to post it in the paper and said it would be at 7:00, and when I was out a 6:00 setting up the tables the attack of the blue hairs had already begun. They get there as early as possible in order to snag the good stuff. And they all have nicknames like, The Negotiator or Barters With Her Fist and the like.
I was scolded mercilessly that I should have been up and running by 5:00! When I told them that I posted the correct time in the paper and maybe they should come back when I was finished setting up, I got a look from a few of them that suggested I just shut the fuck up and just maybe I wouldn’t be left in the fetal position with a clog up my ass. Yes Ma’am!
Note to self (and anyone thinking of yard sales): Publish in the paper. It really does make a difference, because those old bags grab those papers and draw up their fucking battle plans and perfect their flanking maneuvers when strategizing for the big day. And if you do not want to face their wrath, post that you’ll be ready by 7:00, but be ready at 6:00. And if you get more than about two carloads of nanny’s heading up your lawn from the street (the strong scent of Ben Gay and a dozen different Avon products wafting up with them) at any time, just stand the fuck back and let them fight it out, lest you get caught up in the fray and shanked with a fuckin’ crochet needle. I’ve seen war veterans cry at those events.
Never again.
Yeah, but how much money did you make?
$35.50
I tried to get my wife to spend it on a couple of giant Delmonico steaks, but she wouldn’t. What a killjoy. We kept the yard sale going an extra hour (till 1 pm), and it paid off in spades - we got an extra $3.50 for our trouble! Woo-hoo!
On the bright side, I cleaned out my shed and ended up building a workbench in there, so I’ve got better storage space and a tiny bit less shit to store.
After the yard sale we had lunch and went to the beach, so the day wasn’t a total loss. For those of you inland, the Atlantic Ocean was very, very cold today.
what did y’all do with the stuff that didn’t sell?
that is my sticking point right now. once i get it out of the house, i don’t want to get it back in the house.
Next time, advertise. There are serious garage-sale hunters out there, and like Euthanasiast said…they plan their Saturdays around it.
Agreed. My sister and her husband are such people–they’re up very early on Saturdays, reading of the day’s garage sales in the paper, then they plot their course on a city map and off they go.
I don’t think their kids are too happy about being dragged along though. Once, their route ended near our place, and Sis and family stopped in for coffee. It was apparent their kids were tired of six hours of driving around the city going to garage sales: “Mom, let’s do something fun,” one said. He meant fun things like, “go to the playground” or “take a soccer ball to the park.” But Sis just replied, “We are doing something fun–we’re going to garage sales!” I did a few :rolleyes: for real at that point.
About a year ago we had a yard sale fundraiser for our rugby club. Everybody brought the junk they wanted to get rid of to a centrally located house, and we started drinking. We sold quite a bit of stuff, and made a few hundred dollars for the club. The best part was that a few of us were too inebriated to make the drive home that night, and we were all awakened shortly after sunup by blue hairs banging on the door demanding to buy things. We hadn’t even advertised for that day!
Hey, Winston, that beer you’re about to crack open… how much you asking for that? $1.00, huh? I’ll give you 40 cents for it. Wait, let me see if this is the original bottle. Hmmm… there’s some water damage to the label. 25 cents. What, no deal? Well, good luck getting any more for it.
Okay, here’s $1.00.
I love yard sales.
Walking around in other peoples yards, touching all of their stuff.
Not getting a restraining order placed on me again.
Yeah… Good times.
Don’t bother trying to discourage them by including “no earlybird” warnings in your ad. What you do is figure out what you want to charge for everything, double all your prices, and then say “Yard sale starting at five am. All prices halved after nine am” in your ad. The blue hairs will all show up at nine on the dot.