How quickly you can take a shower for guys and how slowly you can take a shower for women.
People who only eat plain yogurt. As if people who buy yogurt with fruit put in it are degenerates.
Unlike people who think that people who eat “creme brulee flavored” yogurt are degenerates–because they are.
SIL 1 and 2 went out together to each get a Caboodle (a brand of makeup case, for anyone wondering). Then they got a bunch of stickers to put on the cases. SIL 2’s now husband said to SIL 1 that 2’s stickers were sooo much cooler and better.
Yes, you heard right. STICKERS. Stickers on a cheapass makeup case, no less.
Just one of many things I could cite about this, err, ::checks forum:: person*.
*Pretty much anytime I’ve mentioned a brother in law in any kind of bad light, this is the guy. Expect an eventual Pitting.
If they tell you that they think you’re a degenerate for buying yogurt with fruit in it, well, fair enough, they’re obnoxious. But for some of us, plain yogurt is about the only yogurt that tastes nice that we can eat, as every other fruit yogurt is loaded with not just fruit, but crap loads of sugar as well. Not a good thing if you have diabetes or similar.
Got you beat - mine came with added lumps! 
Well, I could take a shower for a woman in about five minutes - but I’ve never taken a shower for a guy! :rolleyes:
Women: How much of a bitch they can be. “I know she would lose her job, but you see, I wouldn’t care dear.”
Men: How badly they could lose their temper. “That wasn’t me angry. You’ve never seen angry until you’ve seen me angry!”
That’s an excellent stalker line. You’re improving!
Oh yeah! Well, I’ll bet my gravy is lumpier than yours! So There! 
[Little boy]
My Mom’s mattress is firmer than your Mom’s mattress!
[/Little boy]
I have a cousin who is always sick with whatever condition is being discussed. If you have an ulcer, she has an ulcer. She is a sort of hypochondriac/munchausen party girl who can’t bear for someone else to get more sympathy or pity than her. If I ever get testicular or prostate cancer, my mom and I have agreed not to tell her until we’re face to face with her so that we can watch her claim to have it as well. We’ve also discussed making up fake diseases so that cuz can catch them. Or talking about someone with a female name who has a condition. So that when she claims to have the same condition, we can explain that we were talking about an animal and that the condition (eg. bovinitis) is only found in that animal.
We were discussion a terrible event that had just happened: A friend’s three year old was the victim of a murder/suicide by his father. Suddenly an attention whore sympather grabber says: Well, nobody has it worse than me. I had to bury both my parents.
Ha! In my house it’s just the opposite. I have no idea what Mr. Snicks does in there.
How about the “gold” kit on a black, white, or silver car? Sure, on a dark green or dark red car, the brassy plastic they add for the trim is a nice touch. But paying an extra $1,500 (the cost of a decent PC, for Og’s sake!) so that your car can look tackier? I think that gold-on-cream, gold-on-black, and gold-on-silver (when you’re talking about car finishes) just looks atrocious and hideous.
It’s only a status symbol if it’s better.
I don’t even bother relating personal information to my boss anymore. Everything he has ever done is either higher, lower, deeper, longer, wider, cheaper, costlier, colder or hotter than anyone else.
Oh, come on! He’s a male.
Oh yeah?!, well, my hovercraft is full of eels, so there!
I knew one guy whose only apparent skill was the fact he could sauter a wire without making a cold sauter (poor connection). Not hard to do, but would the guy shut up about it? “Yeah, I’m basically the sautering iron master. No one does it better.”
Solder?
Yeah, in Canada solder and sauter are used interchangibly. Exposure to both UK and USA traditions and all that.
Food Snobs- Coffee is only coffee if it’s dark roast black, beer is only beer if it’s dark and imported, wings are only wings if they are blazin hot.
Experience Snobs- You think you were drunk? Let me tell you about the time I was drunk. You think you were sick? Let me tell you about the time I was sick.
You think that’s a tragedy? Let me tell you about my tragedy.
Material Snobs- It’s a 4WD V8 and it’s the biggest on the market. It’s platinum and 4 karots! I’m pushing 500 watts into that one subwoofer alone! I just gotta have my Prada, Gucci, Armani, Uggs!
Parent Snobs- My 3rd grader is in advanced calculus. Timmy plays on the Junior Varsity team and he’s only 10. Jenny plays anything and everything Mozart on the piano. Sebastian could read when he was at 9 months. All her teachers say she’s the brightest thing since the sun.