Yes, Number Six a girl.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I outed myself late last night in this thread. The thread was a few days old, but I had good news I wanted to share. I posted a bare bones response there, as a longer story didn’t really seem to fit the OP. I decided to do that here.

Today, or actually yesterday by now, my name change became legal. I now legally, officially, have a girl’s name for the first time in my life. This may seem a small thing, and really, in the grand scheme of my life, it is. I’ve actually been using my girl name exclusively for many months now, and I’ve always used my first two initials on legal documents and such whenever possible, so the change is really more symbolic than practical. But still, it’s something that brought me a great deal of joy, and though I can’t really articulate why it does, I wanted to share.

There wasn’t really a time when I didn’t believe I should have been a girl. But I learned early on that it was unwise to actually tell people this, so I supressed it as best I could. I even managed to convince myself for a while that because I was sexually attracted to women, I was a transvestite, not a transsexual. Sure I liked to wear women’s clothes but I was, to quote Ed Wood, "All man . . . I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them. " I continued to rationalize this state of mind until I was nearly thirty, and made myself miserable in the process.

I came out to my wife while we were still dating, and she figured out what was really going on in about 10 minutes. As a result of her encouragement, I began counseling and started the transition process three years ago. I stayed in the closet at work (teaching elementary school is not a job that is exactly friendly to transsexuals) while gradually coming out more and more while away from work, but was accidentally outed by a clerk in insurance claims. I was susepended without pay for the reamainder of the school year, and not rehired the at the end of last year as a result, but have since been reinstated.

I transitioned about six months ago. I came out to my family shortly afterwards. My father and older sister will have nothing to do with me at the moment, but I think daddy will come around eventually. My mom was only a little surprised, and quite sympathetic. My brother’s reaction was, “Well, duuhhhh!”

I could easily fill notebooks with more details. I have in fact done this–keeping a diary of my daily experiences and feelings was something my therapist advised me to do at the beginning, and it has been an invaluable tool. But I don’t want to bore everyone here with all of those details.

I don’t know if my personal story would be of any interest to anyone here. I know there are other transsexual dopers who are out, and I know that the issues involved have been discussed many times. On the other hand, everyone’s story is unique, so I might be able to help some people understand a little bit of what it was like for this one person.

So I guess I started this thread for several reasons.

First, to share my joy at finally having a name that fits my true gender after 32 years of having the wrong name.

Second, for a preventive measure so that if anyone was to wonder why I’m now referring to myself as a woman, I can link to this thread in reply rather than offer an explanation each time (not that I expect that anyone here knows me well enough to be confused, but hey, a girl can dream).

Third, to tell my story if there’s anyone curious about it–another suggestion my therapist offered was that to share honestly with people I trust. I’ve read threads involving other differently gendered people on this board and I think this is a safe place to do this. It certainly couldn’t be any worse than the reception my sister gave me. I honestly don’t know if anyone will be interested in my story, and if no one is, that’s ok with me.

Feel free to ask me just about anything, so long as the question is relevant to the topic and polite. If a question is too personal, I’ll simly say so and not answer. I will ignore completely any veiled insults or anything remotely degrading. Don’t expect any intimate details of my sex life; this isn’t about that. Well, it’s certainly part of it, but it’s also so much more than that.

Aargh. I didn’t want to post a book, but I’m getting close. I’ll be climbing in bed now. I’ll check back when I get up and answer any reasonable question.

PS. I realize that at my age the proper term is woman, not girl. My endocrinologist tells me I now have the hormonal levels of a teenage girl, and my teenage years were wasted pretending to be a boy, and dammit, this is relativly new for me, so I’m going to think of myself as a girl for a while.

2

Good for you.
May your new year be filled with joy and love.

3

No questions, just congratulations on coming closer to finding yourself (it takes a lot more than just finding your true gender, unfortunately!) and best wishes to you and the people close to you in the New Year.

4

A hearty Mazel Tov to you, Number Six, and may the new year bring you much happiness.

5

First off, congratulations. This sounds like an important step for you. Since you are open to sharing, I crave more details on a couple of points…

You said you were essentially fired, then reinstated? Did you have to fight for that, or did it happen on its own. Have you had, or do you expect hostility from parents?

Your wife sounds like a great person, and it sounds like her eyes have been wide open to this for most of your relationship. Is she comfortable with you being a woman, or do you think it will be a source of problems (assuming she’s largely hetero)?

Legal curiosity… Is same-sex marriage legal where you are? What happens when a SSM is created in this manner? Are you expecting any problems on a legal front?

Are you planning gender reassignment surgery?

oh, and go tell your sister to suck an egg.

6

Welcome to the club! {{{{{{Number Six}}}}}} :slight_smile:

Good thing you came around to your true self when you were still relatively young. I didn’t really realize it until a couple weeks ago (I’m 45). Your wife supports you in this, you are very lucky. I wish you happiness and success in your new life.

7

Congratulations! What a wonderful way to start the New Year for you.

May the new year bring you much happiness.

8

I just wanted to say congratulations again. Reading that post made me smile, especially your brother’s reaction. With any luck, your sister and father will come around… my mom and sister are both too close to being fundamentalists for my own comfort and I was told to leave my home when I came out as bisexual but now, a year later, they both accept me although I’m sure they’re still in a bit of denial. And if they don’t? Fuck them.

This makes me happier than it should. Way to go. :slight_smile:

Also, can you tell us your male and female names? If you think it too personal, I’ll understand.

9

I wanted something that was unambiguously feminine, and if possible, something that matched one of my existing initials. Most of my accounts were already in the form of first initial, middle initial, last name. This was, however, a secondary concern. The biggest concern was that if fit me well. It had to feel right.

My wife and I tried out a few of our favorites, and when we got to Kaitlyn, it just felt right. Not wanting to be too hasty–nothing in this process ever is or really should be–I lived with it for a few months before making it permanent, which is why there was the gap between when I transitioned and when I changed my name legally.

10

Congratulations!

11

I was 32 when my name change was finalized, too. I must admit I do not remember the exact day (although it was in May); I’d have to go find a copy of the order or look at one of my old calendars to find out.

12

Happy to share.

I actually had two jobs prior to transitioning. My full time job was teaching second grade at an elementary school. I also was an instructor teaching children’s literature at the local branch of the state university system. I was allowed to finish out the semester at the university, but they declined to rehire me. As a part timer, I didn’t have tenure, and they were not required to show cause for not rehiring me.

At my elementary school job, I was suspended for the remainder of the school year following the winter break last year, when a clerk in insurance claims outed me to her boss. The school district “allowed” me to use my accumulated medical leave to “aid in my transition”. At the end of the school year, they chose not to rehire me for the following year. This was their way trying to get rid of me without firing me, for which they would have to prove that I was incompetent. Though I knew it was unfair, I didn’t realize at the time that this was an illegal termination.

My grandfather is a tax attorney, and he had a colleague who had experience in cases like this. He contacted the school district and threatened a lawsuit if some accommodation could not be reached. The school district stalled, hoping I would give up. I didn’t. They finally relented, By the time a settlement was reached, it was too late for me to begin the school year with my own class, so I have been long term subbing for teachers on maternity leave. An arrangement was made for me to take over the class of a colleague who is leaving for the entire second semester at winter break this year.

Next year I will have my own class at a new school.

None of the parents in my class knew before my suspension. They were apparently told that I had left for personal medical reasons, without any details being given. I did get one phone call from parents worried that the unspecified personal medical reasons was code for cancer.

My new placement is at a school across town from my old school. Part of the arrangement is that, unless I choose to tell someone, only the principal will be informed of my status. Because of the size of the school district and the location of the new school, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll run into anyone who knew me in my male persona. As far as anyone will know, I’ll just be the new teacher at the school.

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. I told her, as I had convinced myself, that I was a transvestite, but otherwise was a normal, heterosexual man. She was fascinated by this, but not the least put off by it. She wanted to know why, and I couldn’t provide her with an answer, so she did her own research. She found a couple of resources that said that men who dress in women’s clothes to express their feminine side or because it made them feel relaxed and comfortable, (as opposed to as a sexual fetish) were in fact gender dysphorics who were in denial. I cannot speak for others, and I don’t believe that this is necessarily true of all crossdressers. In my case, however, it was right on the money.

It was at her urging that I began to dress at home all the time, that I ventured outside for the first time, and that I began counseling. If not for her, I most likely would still be deluding myself into believing that I was a “normal” man who happened to enjoy dressing in women’s clothes on occasion.

It’s never caused her any discomfort that I know of. As she told me once when I asked her something similar, “Well, you never were much of a man in the first place, so it’s not like there’s much to miss.” :smiley:

Prior to our relationship, she was exclusively heterosexual, as was I. As things stand now I don’t think there really is a convenient label that accurately describes either her or my sexual orientation. Lesbian comes closest for both of us, I suppose. She had dated and been sexually attracted to men exclusively before she met me, but had always found the relationships unfulfilling. She’s not sexually attracted to women other than me at this point.

I was attracted solely to women before, and that remains. This would seem to make us lesbians, yes? We went out together to a gay nightclub once, assuming that this would be a safe place for us. We encountered a hostility that I still cannot understand from some of the “real” lesbians in the bar. I’m apparently not a lesbian because I’m not a “real” woman, and my wife isn’t one because she’s with me.

No.

I’m still preop, in that I still have my penis, though my testicles have long since been removed. In my jurisdiction, this makes me legally still male, and thus our marriage is still legal.

Whether this will change if and when I have SRS is, according to my lawyer “fuzzy”.

With the marriage? Not really. The big stumbling block might come if we decide to have children. As long as I’m legally male and married to her, I can be listed as the father on the birth cirtificate. If I have SRS and change my status legally to female, then I may not be able to be listed as a parent on the birth certificate even though I would be the genetic father of the child (we had sperm frozen just in case).

Nitpick: My gender is already female, and that will not change. What you’re asking about is sex ressignment surgery (SRS).

I don’t know for sure right now. The advice I’ve been getting all along was not to rush in to things. I wanted to have my orchiectomy (removal of the testes) early on, but was urged to wait a while; don’t rush into anything you can’t undo. There are, however, some medical benifits to having it done earlier, so I did. Orchiectomy is, however, a relatively monor procedure, especially in comparison to SRS.

I never intend to have sex with a man, so it isn’t needed for that, and I am still capable of getting sexual pleasure from my penis. But it isn’t really about the physical aspects of sexual intercourse. Well, it is at least partially, but it’s as at least as much about self-identity. I have no problem thinking of myself as a woman now, as I am. I don’t know if that will change in the future.

I was too upset and flustered to do anything but bawl like a little girl. I expected her reaction, but that knowledge made the reaction no less upsetting, which surprised the hell out of me. I guess knowing what’s going to happen doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to deal with.

Rest assured, though, that my wife did relay a similar sentiment, though not nearly as nicely worded.

13

That’s awesome! Congratulations, Mrs. Six!

14

My wife read my op and told me people might misunderstand that as meaning he was shocked. He was about as surprised as if I’d told him the sky was blue. Another gem from my brother:

“When we were in high school, everyone thought you were gay. Turns out they were right!”

My sister is a hardcore fundamentalist. The only thing she’d say to me was that I was going to burn in hell for this. Since I’m already going to burn in hell for being an atheist, this isn’t a big step down. Her attitude is that her brother is dead and she has no sister.

Daddy will come around. My brother’s been working on him and tells me he’s becoming a little more accepting as time goes by.

Keith and Kaitlyn.

15

Happy Birthday! :slight_smile:

16

Just as a couple of points: in a state with a “Defense of Marriage” act or amendment, the act of having your legal sex changed will more likely than not dissolve your marriage. This was not the case until the recent wave of so-called “Defense of Marriage” laws; prior to these pronouncements it was generally settled that reassignment did not work an annulment or divorce, but the picture is far murkier now. Note also that quite a few states simply do not recognize change of sex under any circumstance for the purpose of marriage and a few do not recognize change of sex at all. In one of these states, your marriage will remain intact because legally you will remain male, at least for the purpose of marriage.

You may find yourself in the anomalous situation of being married in some states and not married in others – just as all transsexuals are in the strange situation of having variable sex depending on where they are at the moment. (For example, the State of Illinois says I’m female, but the US Government believes I’m male, as would Texas, Kansas, and Florida. The US Government will change its mind when I have surgery. Texas, Kansas, and Florida won’t even consider the notion.)

17

Can I just add that both Mrs. Sixes sound like truly awesome and wonderful people? Man, (uh, figuratively), if there’s ever a case of knowing for sure that someone loves you for you and doesn’t care about externals, you got it!

I’m really glad the school thing got sorted out. I remember reading of your case in the newspaper and being just so put out. Like it has one whit of bearing on your teaching ability what gender you are. I can see the complete transition being weird for the kids - that is, if you started the year as Mr. Keith and came back after Winter Break as Mrs. Kaitlyn. That might have been awkward. But I’m sure you had a better plan than that, and to be prematurely outed by a clerk and then suspended for it was really poor form.

But congratulations!

(Oh, and be a girl as long as you need to. I was born a girl and am now a woman, but about three years ago at 27, I realized I had never been an young woman, because of my early pregnancy and motherhood. So I declared myself a “born-again Maiden” and indugled that atrophied part of my psyche. It lasted just as long as it needed to (about 3 years) and now I’m pregnant again and feel truly ready to embrace my archetypal Mother.)

18

You go, girl! :smiley:

Oh, come on, somebody was gonna say it!

This is a fascinating thread. Thank you very much for posting it.

Congratulations, this is a big step. Good for you!

19

You are not a number. You are a free woman!

20

Number Six-

First off congratulations are in order.

Second off I want to thank all the transsexuals that post here. I find your conditions fascinating becuase frankly I don’t understand it worth shit. It doesn’t compute in my head when someone says their sex feels wrong. I am a man but I don’t have a ‘feeling’ that I am a man.

Onto my questions and if they are too personal I understand and remember that I am not trying to be offensive. You say your wife is heterosexual and well my question is do you worry that if you get the surgery she may not find you sexually attractive any more? Have you noticed a change in sexual experience since you removed your testicles? Has the consistancy or amount of your semen changed?

Thanks in advance for the answers.