Yet another bodyscanner Pit Thread (with pervs!)

So, with the holiday season, we have enormous amounts of air traffic and matching lines at the airport along with all the anger over the backscatter radiation bodyscanners.

And, as seems inevitable in this world, some TSA agent is so very monkey-ate-my-brains stupid that when a high school girls’ netball team went through security, he dropped trou, and pursued a little extracurricular dolphin polishing until his own airhole blew out. He did end up getting arrested and hauled out of his booth, but not before he used up his turtle wax.

Article here

But he’s not the one I’m pitting. His brand of mouth-breather stupidity is fairly garden variety, and with 50K employees working for the TSA, a few of the pervs will appear normal enough to get hired.

No, no. I save my pitting for Rodney Schroeder, the head of the TSA’s scanning department. His answer to CNN was:

His answer is so balls-out moronic that I wonder how genuine the article is. If it is, this man needs to be unemployed, immediately. Hey, let’s curse in a quote to a major media outlet. Then, let’s imply that it’s the Arabs who are out to get us. All of them. Not Al Qaeda or the Taliban or the occasional insane person, but “the Arabs”. Because only Arabs hijack planes. :rolleyes: So, in order not to get blowed up real good by Teh Nasty Arab, we have to let them see our “private parts”.

That’s the part that really gets me. First, we have this problem with TSA agents saving naked pics to their hard drive, and one at least who doesn’t even have the patience to get home before getting busy. Second, sorry, but no one’s going to wear any type of explosive like a merkin when all they have to do is tuck it away in a body cavity and then use the toilet to retrieve it.

The scanners don’t work. Period. Not because of some technical difficulty, but because of a ground level conceptual flaw. The only thing it’s accomplished is pissing a lot of people off, wasting a lot of time, encouraging the pervs to go into government service, and turning a government agency into The Enemy. I haven’t heard a single person say they feel safer.

So, Mr. Shroeder, do us a favor. Take your useless scanners, take your patdowns, take your pervs, take your defensiveness and your blame-the-victim/nice-country-shame-if-something-happened-to-it extortion, fold them until they’re all sharp edges, and ram them up your puckered, belly crawling excuse for an anal sphincter and leave the rest of us the hell ALONE!

Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s not a real news website.

Judging by the other articles at that web site, I think you’ve been whooshed. All the articles are parodies.

It’s sad when people are so angry that they’re ready to believe anything about their adversary, even obvious jokes.

The “face got redder and then he showed his ‘O’ face” part didn’t tip you off?

Besides the facts they used a photo that’s already been debunked as a hoax, wouldn’t the reporter only using his first and middle name give it away – Hugh Muzzbe?

I think Mr. Kidding gotchya.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idICUSiGcqo A German demonstration of the falsity of scanners.

Dammit. I shall never trust Fark again.

[Emily Littel]Never mind![/Emily Littel]

fap fap fap fap

Don’t bail now, just turn this into a pitting of Fark.

Some other news article titles from that site, visible from the page you linked:

Obama Wins Second Nobel Peace Prize
Woman With Chastity Belt Refused Entry Into America
U.S. to Mint Weimar Republic Dollars
Perverts Flocking to American Airports for TSA Groping
I’m A Celebrity X-Factor Dancing Britain’s Got Big Master Brother Chef Talent

Not one of those triggered any skepticism?

#2 and #4 don’t sound that implausible.

As a legitimate news headline, “Perverts Flocking to American Airports for TSA Groping?”

I’ve got $20 that says this is in development for the spring schedule right now.

I’m sorry, are you saying the needs of America’s perverts isn’t newsworthy?

They obviously know a bargain when they see one. Downtown the same service is 20 bucks.

It’s an amusing story. I’d run it in the lifestyle section.

Presumably you also never read the last paragraph of the article, phouka:

Certainly no less believable than some of the stuff Fox is flogging as “news”.

Snopes.

I caught the “Hugh Muzzbe [Kidding]” setup for the reporter’s name but missed the article’s dateline, which was 8/4/10, well before the new rules and machinery went into effect.