I can’t fucking take it any more. One of my best friends, an otherwise incredibly intelligent and rational person, has gone right over the deep end. It’s time for an intervention but first I really need to vent.
First it was the “active kinesiology” or whatever that idiocy is where some loon holds bottles of stuff to your skin while pulling your fingers apart. When said loon discovers that it’s easier, bingo! You’re allergic to whatever was in the bottle! How does vinegar inside a sealed bottle instantaneously affect your muscles? It emits a field of course!
Why golly gosh whillikers that sure makes total sense! (choking sounds)
Based on what he’s supposedly allergic to, lady tells friend to alter his diet to “cleanse” the stuff from his body. One week it’s no vinegar, the next it’s no carbohydrates, then it’s no vitamin C (I shit you not, he’s “allergic” to vitamin C. Thank goodness this quack can magically prevent scurvy). Fine, altering his diet and getting A LOT MORE EXCERCISE and he’s lost a lot of weight. Friend really likes to eat, a lot, and we’re not talking lettuce, it’s the huge bacon cheeseburger, basket of fries, onion rings and the big chocolate milkshake. That was a standard dinner order. Geezus, I’ll give you four words of advice, for free, that will help you lose weight and all you have to do is use a little self-control. Ready? Here goes:
“Eat less, excercise more”
And make sure that you’re eating healthier foods, not a slab of deep-dish pizza. No allergies, no vials of crap, no tugging on your fingers and no quackery, just some common sense that’s backed up by a few centuries of evidence.
OK, so today he’s “allergic” to: RADIATION. Muhaha. I shit you not, evidently this accupuncturist did the same fucking finger pulling routine while holding a vial of “radiation” or “something radioactive” and wowsers his fingers were weaker so bingo, no “radiation”. This means he isn’t going in the kitchen while the microwave is running or using his cell phone or his PC. For 25 hours. So that the radiation will be “cleansed” from his body.
I guess the massive doses of radiation he gets from light, radio waves, his glow-in-the-dark watch, being near any kind of electric motor, etc. don’t count. When asked what he’d do after he was “cleansed” and has to go back to his job as a COMPUTER PROGRAMMER he said that his accupuncturist will “block that”. As one of my buddies pointed out, it sure would have been nice if the folks at Chernyobl knew about this, they could have just sent in a team of accupuncturists to take care of the whole problem.
Can this get any stupider? Is this an episode of “America’s Funniest Home Medical Treatments”? Lunacy piles upon lunacy and I’m getting ready to pull my already-short hair out by the roots. I’ve been biting my tongue since I hate to poo-poo beliefs that friends hold dear but this is just so completely retarded I can’t begin to pit it enough.
And this guy was a paramedic & EMT for years and scored quite high on his MCATs when he was thinking of becoming a friggin’ doctor.
That sound you hear is my teeth grinding into powder every time he starts blathering about this shit.
