You be the casting director

Using your skills acquired by observing actors in various movie, TV, broadway or radio situations, and being charged with the task of filling these role descriptions for a new movie project, decide who would be the best for each role:

  1. Middle-aged, heavy set, balding, bearded, used car salesman type who will undergo a “born again” experience and become a Buddhist monk in Tibet

  2. 20-something blond ex-bimbo now nursery school teacher who gets gang-raped by an NFL team and must try to pick the team members out of a line-up of Broadway show dancers and TV infomercial spokestypes

  3. Mentally challenged 30-something with a severe speech impediment who gets the job of Chairman of the Board of a major pharmaceutical firm that is engaged in a Senate investigation for illegal packaging fraud and questionable hiring practices

  4. Native American casino operator who looks too much like a game show host and winds up giving prizes to the casino patrons instead of persuading them to gamble

  5. Heavily tattooed surfer type who must pretend to be the Archbishop in a religion scandal in Wales while plotting the assassination of a BBC talk show regular

  6. Gay Green Beret captured by a group of anti-abortionists and persuaded to run for public office on an environmentalist ticket by being threatened with a lobotomy

==========

Who just must be in these roles?

  1. Middle-aged, heavy set, balding, bearded, used car salesman type who will undergo a “born again” experience and become a Buddhist monk in Tibet Michael Ironside
  2. 20-something blond ex-bimbo now nursery school teacher who gets gang-raped by an NFL team and must try to pick the team members out of a line-up of Broadway show dancers and TV infomercial spokestypes Ashton Kutcher
  3. Mentally challenged 30-something with a severe speech impediment who gets the job of Chairman of the Board of a major pharmaceutical firm that is engaged in a Senate investigation for illegal packaging fraud and questionable hiring practices Stacy Edwards She’s good with voices
  4. Native American casino operator who looks too much like a game show host and winds up giving prizes to the casino patrons instead of persuading them to gamble Does he take his clothes off? Then Adam Beach. Otherwise, Graham Greene.
  5. Heavily tattooed surfer type who must pretend to be the Archbishop in a religion scandal in Wales while plotting the assassination of a BBC talk show regular Daniel Day-Lewis
  6. Gay Green Beret captured by a group of anti-abortionists and persuaded to run for public office on an environmentalist ticket by being threatened with a lobotomy Michael Ironside

Are you also testing our gender assumptions?

Answer to the little question: No, it’s more a test of your willingness to stretch your sense of reality.

Your choices are intriguing. I sense a sort of fan love thing going on here. Wouldn’t it have been great if Raymond Burr had been unable to fit into that wheelchair and they went with Michael instead?

Since you’re willing to answer, are you willing to ask? Go for another six role requirements if you dare. :smiley:

Without looking at any previous replies…

  1. Middle-aged, heavy set, balding, bearded, used car salesman type who will undergo a “born again” experience and become a Buddhist monk in Tibet: Nicolas Cage packs on some weight and wows the critics.

  2. 20-something blond ex-bimbo now nursery school teacher who gets gang-raped by an NFL team and must try to pick the team members out of a line-up of Broadway show dancers and TV infomercial spokestypes: It depends, comedy or drama? Comedy - Anna Faris, drama - Naomi Watts.

  3. Mentally challenged 30-something with a severe speech impediment who gets the job of Chairman of the Board of a major pharmaceutical firm that is engaged in a Senate investigation for illegal packaging fraud and questionable hiring practices: Amanda Plummer, a little older than the role, but I think she could pull it off.

  4. Native American casino operator who looks too much like a game show host and winds up giving prizes to the casino patrons instead of persuading them to gamble: Brent Spiner.

  5. Heavily tattooed surfer type who must pretend to be the Archbishop in a religion scandal in Wales while plotting the assassination of a BBC talk show regular: Is this a trick question? Sean Penn.

  6. Gay Green Beret captured by a group of anti-abortionists and persuaded to run for public office on an environmentalist ticket by being threatened with a lobotomy: Cuba Gooding Jr..

It’s mostly because Michael Ironside is one of those names guaranteed to crack my parents up, “And you’ll never guess who played the villian! Michael Ironside! Bwahaha!” Bill Pullman* is another, and Lance Hendrickson. I had to resist using MI as the answer to every question. :wink:
I fear I don’t have the imagination to think up any good examples.
*Once I described an actor as a “poor man’s Bill Pullman” which drew a :dubious: reaction and added him to the crack-us-up list. So did “I belong in the sky!”.

The answer to all of these roles is Will Ferrell. Sure, he’s an utterly boring actor with essentially no range and questionable credentials even in straight comedy, but they’re all dreadful high concept pitches that, if not improved, couldn’t be made worse by turning them into Will Ferrell-type movies. Besides, you know that studio execs will jumble these all together to make one movie about a 20-somthing blonde ex-Green Beret game show host pretending to be a mentally-challenged pharmaceutical CEO with a speech impediment plotting the assassination of a BBC talk show host who is also a transsexual gay Tibetan monk. Will Ferrell is your man.

If he’s not available, I think Adam Sandler is looking for a gig. If you pair him with Drew Barrymore (ugh!) you’ll have an instant box office draw, no matter how utterly crappy the script is.

Stranger

  1. Middle-aged, heavy set, balding, bearded, used car salesman type who will undergo a “born again” experience and become a Buddhist monk in Tibet.

Jeremy Piven or Hilary Swank

  1. 20-something blond ex-bimbo now nursery school teacher who gets gang-raped by an NFL team and must try to pick the team members out of a line-up of Broadway shw dancers and TV infomercial spokestypes

James Van Der Beek or Louis Gosset Jr.

  1. Mentally challenged 30-something with a severe speech impediment who gets the job of Chairman of the Board of a major pharmaceutical firm that is engaged in a Senate investigation for illegal packaging fraud and questionable hiring practices

Edward Norton or Ben Stein

  1. Native American casino operator who looks too much like a game show host and winds up giving prizes to the casino patrons instead of persuading them to gamble

Adam Beach or Ernest Borgine.

  1. Heavily tattooed surfer type who must pretend to be the Archbishop in a religion scandal in Wales while plotting the assassination of a BBC talk show regular

Jeff Bridges or Linda Hunt

  1. Gay Green Beret captured by a group of anti-abortionists and persuaded to run for public office on an environmentalist ticket by being threatened with a lobotomy

Vin Diesel or John Inman.