You choose! Severe Constipation or Insomnia ala Rick Astley. Which is it?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, let’s say you carelessy step on an old gypsy’s toe or something, but it’s her birthday so she’s feeling a bit sporting. She offers you a choice of curses.

One: Once every thirteen days, at random, you shit out a turd that feels about the size of Rhode Island and has the consistency to match. It hurts like the dickens for a minute or so but causes no permanent damage. Oh and it burns too, but only while you’re on the pot.

Two: Once every thirteen days, again at random, you are waken up in the middle of the night to an auditory hallucination of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up,” cranked to 11. The whole song. Oh, and you can’t fall back until the next day.

Sooo, pick your poison!

2

The first. Not because I couldn’t stand a cosmic rickroll, but because I need my sleep.

Then again, seeing as I sleep during the day, the only way the rickroll makes sense is if I also randomly doze off every 13 days, and I’d be perfectly able to go to sleep on time, since I go to sleep after the sun rises, i.e., the next day.

But I have a feeling that loophole won’t hold.

3

With the ability to ask incisive questions like this, it’s a wonder you didn’t get Larry King’s job.

4

I dunno man. Neither of these is all that bad. Now if you’d thrown fissures/'roids/chronic rectal itch into the mix, or had “Mandy” or “Muskrat Love” cranked into my ear, that would be different.

::yawn:: Please come back with a tougher, more probing question.

5

Thank you so much KNT for sticking Mandy in my head. Goddamn.

6

I’ve always suffered from insomnia, but have never been constipated. #2, please.

7

I like the Rickroll but not falling back asleep again would really suck. I’ll pick the painful poop.

8

Sounds like the deal is insomnia for 1 night, so I think that implies no insomnia except for that night. Your extant insomnia would be cured.

9

My brain basically Rickrolls me all the time - a song gets stuck in my head and it just loops over and over and keeps me awake. It could be any song, something I like or an annoying TV jingle or even an actual Rick Astley song. I regularly have episodes of insomnia where I go a few days with only a couple of hours sleep a night at best.

If this were to only happen once every 13 days or so as described in the OP, it would be an improvement!! I’ll take option 2, please!

10

That much exposure to Rick Astley has been known to give people severe cases of constipation.
It’s a trap!

11

(underlining mine)

Rhode Island is 32.4 percent water.

Just sayin’.

12

If you change it to that Johhny Cash song, with the refrain “it burns, burns, burns, that ring of fire…” I’ll take both at the same time, because thats just how this tough ole boy rolls.

13

I probably have a night like that every 13 days as it is and I’m doing fine on balance, so I’ll take the Rickroll.

14

The insomnia. Sleep is such a waste of time anyway.

15

#1, by a longshot. I need my sleep, man. And if it doesn’t hurt after you leave the bathroom, what’s the harm in it?

16

I get both, pretty much every other day, except the second one tends to be more annoying than a Rickroll - after I wake up like that, I end up going online for an hour or two until I can go back to sleep. I need to eat more vegetables and relax more.

17

Ha ha

18

I’ll take the poo. I need my sleep.

19

Are you saying you’ll take option #2, or that you’ll just take a #2?

20

Hmmm, maybe Option 2. I already get more sleep than I need. (Anti-convulsants really make you drowsy)

Plus if the turd is that large, imagine how bad the toilet would clog – I don’t relish having to get out the plunger everytime.