Inside a crate on level 1, you find
A small, Pink, electronic device, labelled “Stud Finder”.
If it, or the operator, are turned on, & the operating button is pressed, the clothing of all men in front of it becomes translucent, & all studs are visible, as are tattoos, bad habits, & Wedding Rings hidden in back pockets.
The Stud Finder only works for Women.
The Babe Finder (similar, but Baby Blue, & only usable ON Women, BY Men) is OUT OF STOCK.
I have said that anyone who makes a Stud finder that has an optional button that makes it beep when you point it at yourself will make a million.
Inside a crate on level 1, you find
A dusty tome called How to Find Creative Ideas for the Mysterious Basement Thread.
The pages are blank.
Inside a crate on level 1, you find
A Pistol, of an advanced design.
The tag on it reads “Myron’s Shrink Ray”.
On the side of the crate are the hastily-scrawled words : “SHRINKY-DINKY! TEENY-WEENY! STAY BACK! DON’T STARE AT MY ANKLE! I’LL MAKE YOU FUN-SIZED!”
The words are written in Purple Crayon.
Seems appropriate.
You open a crate and find a prescription pill bottle for a drug called Fukitol. You pop one and suddenly decide to leave the warehouse and go find a fifth of whiskey and a nice shady tree to sit under.
Inside a crate on level 1, you find
A book, hardcover, but cheaply printed.
The titles is–
“Barbie: A Child’s Toy Or A Hidden Agent Of The Creeping Red Menace?”
The Author is Richard Milhaus Nixon.
But not THAT Nixon.
The other one.