They gave you a gift, so it wasn’t yours until it was yours. Your gift might be a used book. Oh no!
This. The experience of a new book is special. A bit like being the second to read the newspaper. It doesn’t matter how carefully they have put it back together. It’s just not the same. Borrow the book after they have had the joy of opening and reading those virgin pages.
People are having an interesting conversation and you’re posting kind of specifically antagonistic posts.
AFWIW, when I buy someone a gift, it’s already theirs. Telling someone “I’d love o borrow it when you get a chance” accomplishes the request without makeing it some stressful situation.
I have seven brothers and sisters. Growing up we often couldn’t even afford to buy books. When we did buy them (new or used), anyone could read them, and books mostly got read by multiple people. Claiming that a book was yours and no one else’s just wasn’t done.
After I left home, I continued to bring many of the books I had bought and read back to my parent’s house and left them there for everyone to read. I keep many books for myself, but I have no problem giving many of them to other family members. I always bring a pile of things to my family’s Christmas gathering for everyone to pick over. This includes books, courses on CD’s, calendars, and miscellaneous things acquired that I don’t want to keep for myself.
To this day, I often give books (usually children’s fiction) to my nieces, nephews, grandnieces, grandnephews, and the children of friends that I have already read. Mostly I buy them new before reading them, but I also buy some used if that’s more convenient. Some of them are books that have been on my shelves for many years. Any Christmas present I give to the children of one of these families (i.e., all those chilren of a brother, sister, niece, or nephew who haven’t left home) will always be joint presents. They have to learn to share just like I learned to do. It doesn’t bother me that some things I give are used but in good shape, just as it doesn’t bother me that some thngs I give for presents are ones I bought from the remainder shelves of bookstores greatly reduced in price. The only rule is that you don’t give junk as presents, but you can give used things in good shape.
Oh am I? I guess I’m not fit to converse with the people. Enjoy sniffing your shiny new books, consumer.
Seriously? Can’t you discuss something without being so rude?
I think the description of the 15-year-old reading the books she purchased as gifts for her sister as a “little shit” was pretty rude. The idea that a book loses some precious virginity because someone has read it is childish and absurd (even the 13-year-old would-be recipient did not care), and anyone who feels that their gift was theirs before they received it and that someone reading it has taken something from them is probably someone to whom life has been very kind, so if my contrary opinion is so deeply offensive to you, clutch your pearls and lace hanky, I guess.
So the answer is no, then. Ok, got it. Thanks.
I’m happy to no longer discuss this with you.
Likewise, to be sure!
You’re stretching now.
Anyone with enough chutzpah to ask to borrow a gift book wouldn’t worry about “inconvenience” or “obligation.”
I wouldn’t ask to borrow a book I’ve given someone. If I want to read it, I’ll get my own. And if it’ll make you happy about conserving resources, I’ll get it from the library.
What most everyone is trying to explain is that the gift of a book is just like a gift of anything else. You don’t use it first and you don’t ask to use it later. That’s just tacky.
Jesus, no. What kind of question is this? Is it okay to use someone’s gift before giving it to them? No. And while about half the books I own are used, I wouldn’t buy someone a used book as a gift unless it was some super rare old edition that you had to buy used. I’ve also taken clothes from friends because they don’t want/can’t fit and I’ve similarly given to them, but I wouldn’t give my friend one of my old shirts as a gift.
But this is one of those threads that boils down to some people caring about being tacky and some being like “What’s wrong with giving away my old shit as presents?”
“Most everyone”?
Better count again. Not even close!
Can you really tell the difference? I sure can’t.
Isaac Asimov wrote about growing up in a family that ran a small shop, including books and magazines. He learned how to read without leaving any trace at all. It’s a skill I’ve learned also. (I’m also very good at re-folding newspapers. Honest, I don’t think anyone would be able to tell.)
I also, of course, like the approach of just borrowing the book afterwards. To me, it’s six of one, 1/111th of The Beast of the other.
I wouldn’t give someone a book I hadn’t read unless it was a specific request (on amazon wish list, say) that I had no interest in.
You can read a book without using it up. Or even marring it if you don’t break the spine.
You know that people who work at bookstores get to take the new books home and read them. Your recipient will not be the first one who’s cracked that book open.
Anaman I collect a certain genra of printed material. Being a geek, I’ve chosen Lovecraft and the Cluthlu mythos. If someone buys me a falling apart pulp fiction book from a yard sale or a used bookstore, I’m a happy person.
Now the thing that you probably don’t know, mostly because H.P. Lovecraft died back like a hundred years ago is he really did influence modern horror. His themes have been followed for over a hundred years. Many contemporary authors even do “Tribute” stories about the slow madness.
So…to get to my point…when my friends buy me used books, I’m so happy. When they read something in their personal copy of a book and offer to lend it to me, I’m happy again. I love getting focused gifts.
If I get a new book, I pretty much expect that the person who have given me the book has already read their own copy, because why would they think to give it to me otherwise. If the new book smell and feel was gone, I would have noticed.
Of course, none of my friends are 14 year old girls who want to lord it over their little sister.
It has never occurred to me to read a book I bought specifically for someone else first. I would consider that practice to be along similar lines as people who wear their shoes in the house. They may be perfectly fine people but that sort of thing isn’t done in God’s Country.
I’ve got no problem buying used books as gifts - it means I can get more for the same budget.
Even if it’s already used, I wouldn’t read it myself before gifting it.
Once I’ve read a book, I am very happy to share it with whoever might want it - only caring a little if I ever get it back. So, to me, once I’ve read a book, it basically a “giveaway” - why / how to make a person feel special if I am gifting them something that I would giveaway?
The “fun” from a gift is twofold - firstly in the utility the recipient gets from it, and secondly (and to me, more importantly) the “warmness” that someone has gone to the effort to go and choose it.
Furthermore - I frequently buy gifts for nephew etc as a gift - his interests are very different to mine. If I have read a book on a particular area of interest (eg: A biography) I might buy it as a gift - in a case like that, having a “pristine” copy is part of the gift.
I count 10 who say they’d do it, 13 who say No, and 2 “other” - neither Yes or No.
ETA: On preview, put 2 more in the No column.
Tone it down a bit, you seem to be getting pretty heated. You are free to Pit anyone who you really feel upset towards if you wish.
I’ve bought many new books as gifts (birthday, Christmas, special occasion) over the years. It never once occurred to me to read any of them. I’ve received many new books over the years (birthday, Christmas, special occasion), and I’m pretty sure it never occurred to the givers to read them first.
I’ve given away many books I already read. I’ve been given many book that were already read. None were gifts for occasions, rather just friends and family handing off stuff they’re done with.
I consider those to be distinctly different.