You have a Star Trek TOS Type 2 Phaser. What now?

Vaporize Skald and any of his minions that witness it, of course!


Seems like a great way to get rid of your enemies. Set to Dematerialization and zap a few people. With no body to be found, good luck to the police proving you vaporized them with your phaser.

I think I would probably destroy it, before it got into the hands of military types who could reverse engineer it.

Good point. I’ll vaporize Skald and his appropriate minions, then I’ll sell it to the military.

I’ve got a little list.

They will never be missed.

Count me as another one who would think that selling one or two of the charge packs would make me quite hansomly rich and make the world a better place, Energy wise.

The last one I keep in the weapon, for protection when I’m wealthy. Aren’t going to be any charges against me when there is no evidence or remains of an intruder. The scorch mark on the floor? I was making Bananas Foster and dropped the pan.

My name is not Foster.

Nor is it “Skald” so I’m pretty sure you will never hear the phrase, “Break out the Compression Phaser Rifles!”

Unless he watches Voyager, but why would he do that?

That made me laugh out loud.

But seriously, I’d melt superman’s house of solitude and make him my bitch. Or use it to get upgrades on commercial flights.

Yeah, I’ve got a little list too. I’d spend some time prioritizing it (though the guy who poisoned my dog will always be at the top until he dies), and then I’d figure out which of my targets I could take out with minimum danger to me.

No, I’m NOT Lawful Good, why do you ask?

Well, since I really have no special business, engineering, or scientific skill, my options are:

  1. Murder spree.
  2. Sell it to the highest bidder.
  3. Murder spree, then sell it to the highest bidder.

Since I don’t really have access to anyone I want to kill that badly (maybe congress) that I’d want to risk my life and/or freedom for, I’ll probably sell it.

The power cells alone would be priceless—according to the Star Trek Technical Manual, the Sarium Krellide power cells in a TNG Type-II phaser (which should be at least comparable) measure 10.2 x 3 cm, and hold 4.5 x 10[sup]7[/sup] megajoules, with Sarium Krellide itself holding a maximum of 1.3 x 10[sup]6[/sup] megajoules per cubic centimeter. Assuming a density similar to iron, and that I did all my math right (iffy, iffy), I’m figuring an energy density something like…three times that of natural uranium. Now, assuming that’s right, and that the material could be recreated (or something comparable made after studying it), would that just be “really big,” or “greatest engineering achievement of the 21st century”?

I’m not even considering the weapon itself, which according to Trek technical material, fires atype of particle that doesn’t even exist in this universe…that we know of. The value to science would be unimaginable. I think the fact that it fires a death ray might actually be the least interesting thing about it.

Poetic license.
Or perhaps I was mixing my metaphors.

Bore a peep hole in the shower of the women’s locker room a la Porky’s

This. You could be a hell of a criminal mastermind with a weapon that let you instantly make people disappear in a way that left no evidence behind.

You could also open up a bank vault in seconds and probably be off before the police know anything at all.

I’d want to try to emulate this scenario:

Dodgy. You’d have to take out all of the cameras or you’d be caught on tape. Your better bet would be assassinations to pervert the stock market, robbing armored cars, and home invasions.

Even then, you’re doing to end up on video, and with witnesses.

A shark and some duct tape.