I woke up last night and for some reason thought of this (probably a bad bit of potato). It derives from my D&D days where some monsters could only be killed if you were using a magical weapon, or the appropriate ‘bane’ such as silver, or a stake through the heart, etc. And yeah, I got a little carried away with my scenario, finding, once started, I couldn’t help myself. :rolleyes:
You are the lone person left alive on the Enterprise as it goes into orbit above Earth. You finished the last of its many missions. It took you a while to sort out how to navigate the ship home until you found that the Captain’s chair had this panel on the arm where you input your destination (Earth) and hit ‘Go’ (“What the hell did we have a navigator for then?”, you ask yourself feeling rather frustrated). You are a security officer 3rd class and your red shirt is torn from the battles that you have been through in your last mission to get the ship home.
‘We had entered some form of space warp and ended up above a jungle planet. The AWAY team went down and found it to be a jungle paradise, so the Captain gave everyone shore leave. At the same time! We came across a furry little creature that seemed quite friendly, if somewhat skittish. The universal translator was having problems and could only decipher the words, “Endor” and “Ewoks”. The next thing we knew there were hundreds of these creatures surrounding us and before we knew it we were captured. Damn the Federation rules that say you must talk first. I knew they were bad news the moment I saw they had zippers down their backs. I managed to escape before they tied everyone up.
Once everyone was helpless the Ewoks took off their costumes. They weren’t Ewoks at all, they were Munchkins! Everyone knows Munchkins are cannibals. There is a little known Starfleet policy that every planet infested with Munchkins must be sterilized. I remember the Captain had been screaming, “General Order 24” and “Khan!”(?), as they ate his legs. I used my sniper phaser rifle to put him out of his misery and then spent 3 days hunting down white armored soldiers (the armor seemed completely ineffective against any form of energy weapon while hindering there movement and that helmet couldn’t have helped their aim as they never came close to ever hitting me once), a single larger furry anthropoid that made lots of noise while waving his weapon in the air (boy, did his fur smell bad as it burned. And the noise!), a man and a women who made googly eyes to each other as I shot them (they seemed to think I’d wait while she pulled that hidden gun from behind her back), two guys (one of whom was wearing some black armor and funny looking headgear, the other a rather effeminate looking mama’s boy) both wielding personal energy weapons. The black guy managed to pull my phaser rifle from my hands without even touching it, but I managed to take him down with the gauss rifle I always carry with me on AWAY missions. I did the same to his pipsqueak friend even though he was doing some spectacular jumps. Never argue with a man and his gauss rifle. No one is that fast. It even looked like he was trying to block the shot. Like a person could stop a chunk of metal moving at near light speed! It left nice holes in both of them. I finished off the tribe of Munchkins, which was no problem once I knew who they were (the little ones are cute, just don’t stick your finger near them as they’ll bite it off two knuckles up. Best to BFG ‘em along with the rest), along with a couple of robots that should never had been brought into the jungle. They must have been carried everywhere they went.’
‘And then finally making it off planet, back on the ship where the lone survivor, a Vulcan science officer, who had decided against going down to the surface thinking it a waste of time, finally snapped upon hearing of the death of his Captain, yelling, “I’ll give them General order 24! I’ll give it to them right up their asses!” It was horrific. There was a space battle going on at the time and this Vulcan made the ship do things I’ve never seen before. None of the enemy had effective shielding, so every shot did damage. And then he did something no one had thought of before. He programmed the computer to handle the weapons! My god! Why didn’t we think of it before? It was carnage. Huge ships were burning as they crashed into the planet, bodies floating in space. Tiny one and two man ships were instantly vaporized. An immense, partially completed artificial planet caused a few problems until we figured out it was shielded from the planet below. Luckily, the Vulcan knew how to reconfigure a photon torpedo into something called a ‘Genesis device’, so we went around to the back of the planet to get out of the way of the planetoid’s weapons. It sure was pretty after the genesis device fired. The genesis field covered the planetoid too, so we didn’t have to deal with it after all. Unfortunately, the Vulcan took a dose of highly reactive particles during the battle that left him mortally wounded and highly radioactive. He kept trying to stick his hand on my face just before he died for some reason, but I managed to brush him off each time. I didn’t want to get contaminated with radiation after all. Luckily he had programmed the computer to return us to Federation space while we were on the planet below.’
So, you made it back to earth in pretty much one piece. The ship is battered and all the crew dead except you. It reminds you of the nightmares you have on a regular basis about the time more than 7 years before when you first arrived on this Earth. Of a time when you thought you were a space marine and had fought the minions of Hell. It was traumatic enough that you don’t remember your original name or how you got to this earth. An Earth you don’t recognize where the corporations don’t run the world and that has a Federation of Planets that spans 100’s of light years. But Star Fleet medical convinced you that it was all a dream. A nightmare is more like it. They named you John Grimm, taking the John Doe assigned to you when they found you and combining it with a name that reflected your personality. You are known as the ‘Reaper’ among your security mates due to your proficiency with weapons of all kind, your knowledge of tactics and strategy, and your ‘Kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out’ attitude. You entered Star Fleet security trade school and graduated top in your class, but never advanced in rank due to your constant nightmares and the same grim attitude that gave you your name.
But, you made one fatal flaw when you attempted to beam down to earth, John. You forgot that transport is your one weakness, your ‘Achilles’ heel’ if you will.
So now you’ve found yourself sent back through space and time, back into Victorian England and are now facing one of the worst creatures you’ve ever encountered.
An actual vampire stands before you; Dracula himself. This isn’t some Buffyesque stupid wimpy vampire that any 5’ 2” 100lb little girl can handle by the dozens. This is the real deal. He can shape change at will, he can control the creatures of the night. He is faster than anything you’ve faced before and as strong as a cyber-demon. And he’s looking hungrily at you.
Yes, here you are dealing with the grand-daddy of all vampires and all you have to deal with him with is a standard Starfleet hand phaser (and that quite illegal disruptor you have hidden in your boot. You’re a space marine after all no matter what the head shrinks say, not some namby pamby metrosexual Starfleet officer who actually believes all the bullshit about a ‘Prime Directive’, shit!).
So, the question is whether a phaser/disruptor is sufficiently advanced technology wise to be considered ‘magical’ enough to send a Vampire, or another magical creature, back to whatever hell it came from?
“Whew” :eek:
