Inspired by the BWTUAZ thread, why not cover their less-nauseating undead cousins, Vampires?
here’s some crazy ones i’ve seen/thought of…
from Bordello of Blood; Super Soakers filled with Holy Water (i’d add some Garlic and Silver Salts just to be sure…)
when i was playing an AD&D game in high school, i combined spells with my Cleric freind, i congured up a Rainstorm spell, she cast “Bless” on it, creating a rainstorm of Holy Water, which i directed to fill the vampire’s coffin while it was out feeding, when it returned to it’s coffin, it’s screams of pain could be heard 5 kingdoms away…
paintballs filled with Holy Water, or perhaps just some blessed paintballs, after all, the paint in a paintball is water-based…
from the Blade series, all of Blade’s silver-based projectile weapons, his UV lamp, and the hypos filled with anticoagulant…
Hey, I dont know why any vampire movie didnt copy Gremlins2; black out the windows and wind the clocks back, let the vamps think its still night. Bang, drop the blinds, sunlight and goodnight!! Or a Constantine style blessing of the water in the sprinkler system…
I can’t remember the name of the movie, but I recall one where they used wooden bullets. You know, like a stake. There were also vampires working on artificial blood for drinking. And I think I remember the name “Count Mordulak”.
But if I was going to tangle with a vampire, I’d go for a Desert Eagle loaded with hollow points. Say what you will about the traditional ways. How can the vampire bite me if he doesn’t have a friggin’ head?
From John Carpenter’s Vampires: A harpoon gun attached by cable to the winch on a 4x4. Spear 'em, and then drag 'em out into the sunlight. Right through the walls if necessary.
“The Breed” featured an entire arsenal of silver-based weaponry, including a silver-jacketed hand grenade.
I seem to recall that the last couple episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer featured a fancy red axe (they called it a scythe, but it didn’t look very scythe-like) that had a blade, a metal spike, and a pointy wooden handle (making it an apparantly quite versatile slaying weapon). When used by a Slayer, it also gave her enhanced strength and power, and made a neat “magical” sound as it was swung about in the air.
My prefered weapon would be a pump-action tactical shotgun, loaded up with shells blessed by the Pope, and with a wooden bayonette attached under the barrel.
Failing that, I have a couple of short-tempered lady friends who could probably tear a vampire limb-from-limb if I convinced them that the vampire had had an affair with their boyfriends.
Wouldn’t work. You need three clerics to create holy water. One casts Create Water. One casts Bless. The last cleric casts Purify Food And Water.
I used this method on a vampire I met at a party. I had been drinking and my judgement was impaired. At the time I was only concerned with whether her interest in having sex with me was genuine or not. It was only after she had tied me to the bedposts that she revealed her plans to kill me after the act was completed. Fortunately, she had already removed my pants at this time. I was able to use the sacred mark of the covenant betwixt me and the Lord to destroy her. I didn’t get loose from the bed until the next morning though.
You fools. Even nukes might leave the undead spirit untouched to reform elsewhere. No, to truly be sure one must use a synergy of all known methods: Slug the Vampire Slayer produces this helpful diagram.
(Yes, I’ve actually used that in D+D: chop off their head, drive a stake through their heart, chop a body into pieces, and THEN dump the lot into a running river.)
