My dad is annoyed when he encounters people who insist on being called “Doctor” in social settings. He tells a favorite story of being at a party years ago where someone introduced themselves as “Doctor LastName” and my dad responded “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your first name.” The guy didn’t have the balls to explicitly insist on being called Doctor, and so he meekly surrendered his first name; my dad felt foreverafter victorious.
I have a Ph.D., and some years ago I was a little embarrassed when a colleague introduced me to his young children as “Doctor Machine Elf” rather than just “Mister Machine Elf” or even just by my first name. Where I work, some of us have PhD’s, some of us don’t, but we’re all on a first-name basis with each other. In the medical profession, I can understand referring to those with MD’s as “Doctor,” as it’s a meaningful logistical distinction: there are things that a doctor can do to/for a patient that non-doctors can’t. But for someone to insist on being called “Doctor” in a setting where it only serves to enforce some sort of class distinction just sounds like snobbery to me.
Howzabout you? What do you think of PhD’s and MD’s who insist on being called “Doctor LastName” outside of a professional setting?
Do you actually have a PhD or an MD? How do you prefer people address you in social and professional settings?
No phD here, but I intend to have one. My thought has always been that I wouldn’t bother correcting somebody unless it mattered in context (ie being formally introduced at a speaking engagement), and wouldn’t introduce myself with it because I generally introduce myself with my first name.
I worked with PhDs, medical doctors, medical doctors with PhD and/or MD (a medical PhD, not the equivalent of a US MD), surgeons (who are professionally titled Mr or Ms) and Professors. None of them demanded that their staff called them by their professional title outside of clinical areas. My boss, a prof, was always called by his first name by everyone who worked with him on a more than occasional basis.
I would expect to be introduced to someone in a formal setting by their professional or honorific title, but in a social setting by their first name. I wouldn’t call a guest at a dinner party Mr or Mrs, let alone Dr, Prof or Sir, except under a very select circumstances (the person was considerably older, or I didn’t know them at all) and I would expect for them to tell me to call them by their first name “Please call me, Bob”.
I was at a family gathering and was introduced to a knight, who happened also to be a professor, he insisted on being called “John”.
I can’t imagine anyone calling me “Dr. Porpentine” in a social setting unless they were one of my current or former students, or unless it was a quasi-professional thing where students were present. (Actually, I cringe a little when one of my colleagues addresses me as “Dr. Porpentine” in front of students – I mean, I understand why she does it, but it sounds incredibly fake, as well as condescending to the students.)
It does seem a bit different for an MD, and I can see introducing one to your children as “Dr. Lastname.” But adults, in social settings and even most professional ones, normally address other adults by their first names, and insisting on anything else seems both pretentious and weird.
Social settings? I use my first name. I prefer Dr to Mrs any day, if using an honorific is appropriate, but away from work it rarely is. At work, I prefer Prof anyway, if it’s going to be used.
I wonder about your dad’s story. Probably the guy just introduced himself formally and when asked for his first name gave it.
I’m a PhD candidate, and I think I’ll want to be addressed as doctor at least a couple of times after I complete the degree. After that first day, though, I can’t imagine that I’d want it, or even appreciate it. I prefer my first name to Mr., and I’m pretty sure I’ll prefer it Dr. as well.
Heavens no. I tell people, “I’m not at work. It’s (myfirstname).”
In fact, I don’t insist that anyone call me “Dr. Lastname”. I prefer it when patients and residents and staff do, but certainly not enough to correct them.
The first time after my PhD when my mother introduced me as Dr. Seldon, I got angry with her later. She never understood my objection and I’m not entirely sure I do either, but I would never use Dr. either socially or otherwise. For one thing, I would expect the next thing to be a question about an annoying hangnail. Professionally, I am Prof. Seldon anyway, an honorific I much prefer, but again I would never use it socially.
I guess the word I am searching for is “pretentious”.
I don’t find it pretentious to use any honorific (Dr, Judge, Mr, Mrs, Sir, General), especially when earned, not inherited. To me one honorific is just and appropriate or inappropriate (if a situation that calls for calling someone Mr Jones, calling someone else Dr Smith is no more pretentious).
Mostly, honorifics are just not necessary in everyday social (and most work) situations. I don’t feel embarrassed by it, if the situation calls for it, but most simply don’t. Calling me Dr and everyone else by first name would be odd, but no more so if you called me Mrs and everyone else by first name.
I’ve never met a single person IRL with either a Ph.D. or an M.D. who thought being called “doctor” socially was anything but a joke. It can be a funny joke, if you’re out drinking and want to rib somebody a bit, but it’s patently absurd in a social situation. Calling a professor with a Ph.D. “doctor” seems insulting to me, as opposed to calling them “Professor Blahblah” – any dipshit can grab a doctorate, in any field, but not everyone gets on a tenure-track job, especially these days. Even if it’s partly lucking into being in the right time, right place, it’s still a lot more headaches dealing with the servants who call themselves administrators actually holding down a position while somehow finding time to do something interesting intellectually.
Except for dentists – they like being called “doctor,” I’ve found. And you don’t want to piss them off.
Another vote of the same … but I must admit being called “Mr. …” is an odd sensation. That was my Dad; I’ve never been “Mr. …”
I have had a barber (back when I had enough hair to cut there) who always addressed me as “Doc” but I think it was his way of not having to remember a whole group of customers’ names - just call a whole group “Doc” and be done with it.
I don’t expect anyone to call me “Dr.” except patients. I have a few family friends who call me “doctor” because they like to or are kidding around, but I didn’t ask them to. For anything not related to work (such as filling out forms and such), I will always choose “Ms.” over “Dr.” because generally there is no benefit to putting that info out there and in some situations I think it could cause problems (for example, when dealing with sales people or negotiating any sort of service, I would never volunteer that I’m a doctor because many people associate that with being rich and you could end up dealing with hard sells or higher prices if they think you have more money).
I’m not PhD or a doctor but I do have a profession where I may be called “maître” (literally: “master”. Idiomatically: “esquire”). I’m uncomfortable when people call me that outside of lawyer-to-other-party and lawyer-to-court-official interactions. In other words, in circumstances where it’s directly relevant that I’m a lawyer, it helps others understand what I can do, what I’m doing and why I do it.
I have difficulty coming up with a generous interpretation of the motives of people who mention honorifics when those honorifics do not give action-relevant information. If I want someone to find out about my profession (say, because I think he’d make a good client), I have less ham-fisted ways of letting them know.
Upon seeing Denizen’s post, I can see the utility of mentioning it in similar contexts.
Does a D.D.S. count? Heard all the “real doctor” jokes, don’t bother me. Never use it in a social setting. Don’t even use it when introducing myself to patients, they already now I’m the dentist, it says so on the door.
Did have a patient once, a retired podiatrist. Insisted I call him “doctor” but would only call me by my first name. His checks were printed Dr. Name DPM Podiatrist Retired. What an ego.
At dental society meetings I’ll introduce myself with first and last names, not many but a few guys reply with “I’m Dr. Last Name”. No kidding? I guessed that you were a doctor, that’s why you are here.
Also don’t care when they say “My name is Dr. whatever.” Really? Your folks named you Dr.?
I never encourage it (not even with students, really-- if feels creepy, but I have issues with hierarchy and such), but I do bust it out irritably in one situation:
“Miss or Mrs?”
“Doctor. … [glares]”
because I hate the tiered honorifics for women so very much-- a personal identifier based on one’s relationship to a man (and there’s nothing analogous for men). Since “none of your fucking business” is not an option when I buy an airline ticket I’ll pick the option that has something to do with me as myself. Damn it. [waves around burning bra and ululates]
One of Husband’s friends is a PhD in, IIRC, thin Film Physics - I always refer to him as “Dr. Lincoln”, even to his face, because it amuses me to do so and because I know how much time and effort he put into that degree, I feel like he should get the extra respect! (Also, his first name is Aaron, and we know two other Aaron’s and an Erin, and it makes it clear who exactly I’m talking about.)
When people at work call me “Doctor” I correct them - insist they use my first name just like everyone else. I don’t work in the field of my doctorate, so I really don’t think it counts.
The one place I found it useful was when Inwas applying for academic jobs. When the ads said to write to J. Jones, instead of worrying whether that was Mr. Jones, or Mrs. Jones or Miss Jones, or Ms. Jones - and some people are very picky about their honorifics - I would open my cover letter “Dear Dr. Jones”. Under those circumstances very few people are offended at being called “Doctor”. The first time I got a letter addresses to Dr. Knig I was in grad school., years away from completing my PhD I was more bemused than anything else.
OK, I will do this myself, when dealing with the health care bureaucracy as a patient or family member of a patient. I find it does tend to get me where I need to go quicker, and gets me more coherent info.
For anything not related to work (such as filling out forms and such), I will always choose “Ms.” over “Dr.” because generally there is no benefit to putting that info out there and in some situations I think it could cause problems (for example, when dealing with sales people or negotiating any sort of service, I would never volunteer that I’m a doctor because many people associate that with being rich and you could end up dealing with hard sells or higher prices if they think you have more money).