I diagnose insecurity.
I’m in my 40s and my dad passed away 7 years ago. When people call me “Mr. Nomad”, I start looking to see if they are talking to my dad.
I have several friends with doctorates as well as some medical doctors. All of them go by first name in social settings. Another close friend recently passed and he preffered to be called Dr. so and so even by his fairly close associates and friends. I have no idea what he was a Dr. of. He was 94 years old so it may have been more of a thing when he was comming up.
I was once called for jury duty. I sat there as prospective jurors were being questioned. The case involved involuntary manslaughter, self defense in a domestic violence situation.
The lawyers were asking prospective jurors whether or not they were married. If a woman answered that she was married, the lawyers asked did she prefer to be called Mrs. or Ms. One woman looked down her nose at them and replied “It’s Dr. !”
I have no academic titles but in a social situation I think I’d prefer a marital title to a professional one.
I’m now imagining the cry going out – “Is there a doctor in the house?” – at which point a veritable parade of folks who know better rush forward:
“My doctorate’s in comparative theology!”
“Juris Doctor, reporting for duty!”
“I have a PhD in Dance Studies!”
“Got me an honorary one!”
“Ed.D for LIFE, yo!”
You wouldn’t do that? Then don’t make people call you “Doctor”.
Flathead Home Educators Assocation?
love
yams!!
See, if I were in a situation were they were going to use titles anyways, I’d rather use my professional title than my marital (or lack of) one.
I also see it if by chance, the men who were doctors (of any kind) would be called Dr. If the men who can use the Dr. title opted for Mr. instead, I can deal with that and accept being called Ms. But if the men were going to be called Dr., then damn right I would want to be called Dr. too. I’m guessing that is where the woman came from, from situations were the men are given their title, but women are presented by their marital title, even if they have and can use another title.
She may have sounded defensive, but she probably had sadly at least some experiences like the above. 
:mad:
You are perfectly entitled to demand that I address you as “Doctor”, and I will respond with a graceful and courteous “Piss off”.
- This post may indicate that I have no respect for members of the medical profession, or those who have put in the immense amount of hard work and intelligence required to earn most doctorates. This is not the case.
I agree. I only got the PhD to avoid being called a Mrs (only half kidding). I once fought an HR department (and lost) to be listed as “Ms” in the directory while unmarried, when their policy was “Miss” only for unmarried women. It is humiliating to be defined by whether one is attached to a man. If marital status is irrelevant for men, it should be irrelevant for women. The lawyer should have asked each individual how they’d like to be addressed, or skip it all together.
The only people who I insist on calling me “doctor” in a social setting are my wife and kids:
Wife: at supermarket: “oh, Dr. Tibby, squeeze these melons, do they feel good to you?” In bed: *“ohhhh, Dr. Tibby, squeeze these melons, do they feel good to you?” *
Kids: “Please Dr. daddy, may I have some more…porridge?”
Alright, what I wrote above is a complete lie, written solely for your comedic pleasure. In fact, I haven’t been in bed with anyone for over a decade (my wife, alas, cannot make that same claim, not by a long shot).
In nearly all cases, I prefer informality in both social and professional settings. I encourage my patients to call me whatever they’re comfortable with. If a new patient asks, I typically respond, “You can call me Tibby; just don’t call me late for dinner.” Some call me Dr. Tibby or Dr [first letter or contraction of my last name] and I find that endearing. I actually find being called Dr. [full last name] a little off-putting.
The only person in recent memory who irritated me by not addressing me as “doctor” is my wife’s divorce attorney. He [sarcastically] called me “*mister *” one too many times at our last case management hearing. The judge got fed up with his bratty shenanigans (not for the first time), and scolded him firmly: “Dr. Tibby is a board certified surgeon and also a doctor of pharmacy. He put in a lot more time and effort earning his degrees than you did with yours. Address him properly from now on, Mr. [ambulance-chaser].”
I do, indeed, like the cut of his honor’s jib.
Beautifully done.
To back up what the UK contingent have been saying, as a student it was mostly first names, with only a few exceptions - and those were for highly, highly respected older faculty members (Peter Higgs was one). Not that they would have insisted on the honorific, but it was a respect thing. The guy who supervised all the Physics undergrad practicals, and did a lot of pastoral work, was known universally as Prof. I think his first name was Keith, but even university notice boards just used Prof. Loads of institutions have someone like that I guess.
It is now 
(real answer: fellow of the higher education academy. That and 50p will get me a Twix from the school shop.)
If we think back to the origins of why doctors are distinctly addressed in this way, I believe it may have something to do with the way the role of doctors has evolved since the first times they started giving out doctoral degrees. We may imagine that early doctors existed to serve their communities, therefore it would have been helpful to address them publicly as such to ensure people knew who the doctor was, in case they needed him / her? I’m watching the show Deadwood right now, so it reminded me of the 1800’s when a doctor was compensated if he was lucky, but primarily subsisted on his own pride in practice, and he was not paid by the majority of patients. It was this which made him the subject of great respect from others in the community, thus creating the sense of respect shown by referring to the person as Dr. So-and-so, even in a social setting.
Today, this makes less sense. People pay to go to the doctor, or their insurance pays, and people with doctorate degrees are pumped out by universities as if they are a commodity. The tremendous hard work and inborn talent it takes to acquire an advanced degree is not in question, but the necessity to give these people special recognition is antiquated. Teachers work very hard, thankless jobs but you don’t see them getting anything added to their name.
Finally, I am none of these professions, but I have a friend who earned her doctorate and I now call her Doctor Amy for fun, when I see her or speak after it’s been a while. It’s just for fun, but hey it’s a nod to her achievements in life. She introduces herself as Amy and is very laid back about her title.
In deference to my mother, I want to note one thing: when a husband and wife both have Ph.Ds do not send them anything in the mail addressed to “Dr. & Mrs.” It’s either “Mr. & Mrs.,” or “The Dr.s” (unless, of course, they have different last names, the Dr. X & Dr. Y). It made my mother so mad to get the “Dr. & Mrs.” crap.
If someone introduces themselves as Doctor so and so in a setting which makes it difficult to discern what field they’re in, I always ask if they’re a real doctor or one of those medical things. If it turns out they’re an MD I console them with, “That’s nothing to be ashamed of, a lot of people work with their hands.”
Huh, I didn’t know they had Breatharians back in the 1800s. :dubious:
I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve never, through undergrad, grad school, or as a faculty member, run across anyone who insisted on being called “Dr.” so-and-so.
I don’t have a PhD., just a More Asinine, but from a student’s perspective, although I am now friends with many of my former professors (and I work with a couple who taught me,) in private social situations it’s always first-name. However, when I interact with them in front of students, guests, or even on Facebook, I universally call them “Dr.” so-and-so, even though all of them would be fine with just the first name.
For me, I want to show respect for not only the academic rigor these people went through, but mainly because they taught me, and continue to teach. It reaffirms, in my line of thinking, the impact they had on me as a person, a teacher, an academic, and a citizen. YMMV, particularly with douchenozzles.
I see some dismissive discussion about Ed.D degrees. I can’t speak for all Ed.D programs, but I earned mine at the top school of education in the world, and I wrote a high quality dissertation that has been turned into several academic articles. My primary advisor regularly testifies on Capitol Hill on federal financial aid policy, and my secondary has written about 30 books.
Some of us are a little sensitive about that. 
I’m an academic so the default for me is “Dr.” or “Professor.” Mind you I don’t introduce myself that way. My uni is in the South and is rather formal; my Ivy alma mater is actually pretty informal. I called all of my profs by their first name (except for the MacArthur Genius grant winner, who is very regal and tends to commands “Professor”). So that was a little weird.
When I first earned my doctorate I thought I would never tire of being called Dr. I really don’t care now. I never introduce myself as such - I’m just Hippy, or Hip Hollow. My students call me Dr. Hollow or Dr. Hip which I think is cool.
I do tell students they can call me either. It usually takes them a semester for them to do it comfortably, but even then the majority of students call me Dr. and it tends to norm that way for all our faculty.
The only thing that feels a little weird is when I get a letter or email calling me “Mr,” and in the same address it says “Associate Professor.” Most tenured academics are doctorate holders.
I can see why you would be a little sensitive about the comments. It takes significant dedication to achieve what you have.
But I think there is a different point being brought up in this discussion. Achieving things is good, but does having achieved whatever you have achieved make you better than someone? When Doctor is used in a professional context it has a practical and significant meaning relevant to situation. If someone insists on being called Doctor outside of that setting it is difficult to see any reason for this other than to signify some sort of social superiority.
This is problematic on two fronts, first I think many people feel (as I do) that trying to use your achievements to put yourself above others is petty and immature. Secondly, and this speaks to your point more; the term Doctor signifies a broad range of things - many of which do not even begin to put someone in any sort of superior income bracket. and also do not signify any greater acheivement than many things that do not lead to one being called doctor.
It may be different in other places, but in the US, although education is highly valued and respected, if you try to claim any sort of social superiority you need some serious assets to back it up - otherwise people will generally think you are a buffoon or just arrogant and a little out of touch with reality.
FTR My father has a Phd. We were comfortable, but but we definately did not have the wealth most of the engineers and accountants in the area, and we could not afford to live in the areas where the wealthy businessmen lived.