You have EXACTLY 3 MONTHS to be the worst you can be!

[Spoons]

[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect]
I got the impression that he mocks everyone who submits anything. I got “Your submissions have arrived and will receive the treatment they deserve.”

Or maybe there’s a script that picks a semi-random flippant remark based on how many submissions were received?
[/QUOTE]
I got the same reply, so make of that what you will. At least with that remark, I know my entries got there.

[Ogre]

Seeing death off the starboard bow in the form of a rogue wave sweeping in, Marco the navigator began to calculate where his grave marker should be placed – a little to port and aft and about 5,000 feet down from his present position, which was… well, when he thought about navigational margins of error and continental drift and planetary rotation, and the orbit of the earth around the sun and the sun around the Milky Way, and galaxy’s trajectory outward from the original Big Bang, he finally appreciated the futility of his career choice – as a professional navigator and amateur cosmologist, Marco was the best equipped crewman on the ship to understand that he had no friggin’ clue exactly where he was: where he would be in another 30 seconds might just as well be called “up the creek” or “down the tubes” with as much accuracy as GPS coordinates.

Actually, clean this up, and this could be an extremely witty and entertaining read. I mean, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett witty.

[Boyo_Jim]

[QUOTE=Ogre]
Actually, clean this up, and this could be an extremely witty and entertaining read. I mean, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett witty.
[/QUOTE]

That’s a very nice compliment. Thank you. Unfortunately it means certain death for a bad sentence contest.

[appleciders]

[QUOTE=garygnu]

Roger’s mother told him long ago that the smell of sautéing onions was sure to impress a girl he was cooking dinner for, but because his mother never taught him how to cook, it was the sound of the smoke alarm that was making the biggest impression on Linda.

[/QUOTE]

No good. I actually want to keep reading that one.