you immature bitch, how dare you take advantage of my friend?!

So some of my friends and I decided to drive from our rural college to the next decent-sized town to go see the Harry Potter movie. One of my good friends, who we’ll call “Laura,” was driving. Now, Laura is a very kind, compassionate, forgiving person, probably too much for her own good - for instance, she’s constantly letting her bitch of a roommate walk all over her, but that’s another story. Also coming along was a girl we’ll call “Mary,” Laura’s sorority sister. I’d only met Mary a couple times before, but she seemed cool. We had some very interesting conversations, and it was clear that she had a few issues, but, well, who among us doesn’t? So I was pretty much looking forward to getting to know her on the drive.

The drive to the movie, and most of the way home, passed without incident. We decided to stop for gas in the small town just outside the bounds of our very large campus. As she’s getting out to gas up, Laura notices that Mary doesn’t have her seatbelt on. Laura’s a stickler for this, so she lays down the law - if you’re going to ride in my car you’re going to wear your seatbelt.

Mary looks at her and, without a word, gets out of the car and starts walking home. This is a few miles’ walk in 47-degree weather and she’s wearing only a light jacket.

Laura, being the kind of person that she is, starts freaking out and blaming herself for Mary’s idiotic self-destructive behavior. We both knew that if we chased Mary down and offered her a ride without a seatbelt at this point she’d never accept it. My suggestion was to call the police and let them drag Mary’s sorry ass home, but no, if we did that she’d never speak to Laura again, and we couldn’t have that, could we? So Laura called a mutual friend and had them drive out and bring Mary home.

What the fuck does that juvenile, selfish, vindictive bitch think she’s doing? I mean, I’m fairly proud and stubborn myself, and I know those are character flaws, but I’ve never taken it to that kind of extreme. Laura’s doing her a favor, she won’t let Mary have her way in one tiny, insignificant thing out of concern for Mary’s own safety, so she decides to punish Laura through her own self-destructive behavior? How dare she take advantage of Laura’s friendship and compassion like that? How fucking dare she?! If it were just me, I’d be able to write Mary off and forget about it. But Laura’s involved, and because of the kind of person she is, she’s going to forgive Mary and go right on allowing Mary to get away with shit like this. And I’m sure right now Mary’s congratulating herself on not giving in, thinking that it proves her strength of character or some crap like that, completely oblivious to the fact that it actually proves she has the emotional maturity of a two-year-old. Fuck you, Mary. Gaaaah!

It’s sad that some people would rather “stick to their guns” even if it means putting themselves in harms way. It’s Laura’s car, her rules go.

Good for Laura for not giving in on to the childishness.

So did Mary, fasten her seatbelt in the new friend’s car?

At any rate, people who let themselves be walked all over by other people are quite guilty of letting other people walk all over them. Mary has a serious character flaw and so does Mary. It is the combination of both that produced the situation. Both are to blame although I understand we all have sympathy for the “nice” person.

If I were in Laura’s place I would have told Mary “just let us know when you change your mind” and let her walk while driving slowly at hailing distance. I bet after a while of walking in the cold her brain would see things differently.

Sailor, the only problem I find with your suggestion (and this is not an attack of your views) is that if Laura had followed her in this manner, Mary still wins. She has Laura at her beck and call. If you don’t think that there are people stubborn enough to have held out all the way back home–well, I can personally assure you that there are. And if Laura hadn’t made sure that someone went to get her and Mary got sick, she’d have capitalized on Laura’s sense of guilt and responsibility. That’s how people like that operate. It’s easy to say “don’t let her make you feel guilty,” but it’s not so easy to do for some people–like me, for instance. I think that Laura did the best she could in that situation. She didn’t give in on her principles and she made sure that Mary had no valid reason to gripe at her later.

As I said, this isn’t intended as an invalidation of your point of view. It’s just that I know people like Mary and from what I’ve read, I think I’m a lot like Laura (as far as the guilt thing goes, that is!), so I can understand why Laura responded the way she did. :slight_smile:

PS: To Laura–stick to it on the seat belt thing. It takes a real friend to care more about a person’s safety and well-being than about what that individual thinks of you personally.

Laura should have run over Mary and then yelled “Ha ha” in a Nelson voice.

If I had been Laura, I would have let Mary go. She is a brat that needs to be taught an important lesson. That lesson would be that threatening people with your own safety, isn’t really a good idea. She deserves what she gets if you ask me. Someday she will really regret her little personality flaw.

Shera, I agree with taking a firm stand with spoiled brats and not letting them push others around, but at the same time I would try to be mature and not escalate the problem. If you leave her in the freezing cold and she develops a problem, then things get worse. I agree it is her responsibility but I just don’t want to make it worse.

I have had similar incidents with girlfriends and, while I would not give in, I make it clear I am not looking for a confrontation, and do my best to defuse the situation. This is of course if you care for the person. If not, they can go screw themselves. people like this exist only because other people exist who let them get away with it.

Mayflower, having a weak character seems to me as much of a character flaw as being a bitch, just in different directions. To me, it just seems like taking the easy way out and not doing what you should do. No worse than not doing the dishes because you don’t feel like it. People who want to be nice and not confront anyone, end up causing problems to others around them and to themselves. That is not a good way to being popular.

I had a girlfriend who was incapable of saying “no” and it caused me untold problems because in the end the problems landed in my lap. You have to learn to assert yourself and you are not doing anyone a favor by letting them walk over you.


You should tell Laura that being a nice person isn’t the same as being a sucker. I really hate it when nice people let others walk all over them on a regular basis. Calling someone to pick up Mary seems reasonble because it was dark, cold, and the school was a few miles off. It would be completely unreasonable for Laura to apologize to Mary though. If she does apologize she’s just setting herself up for the same pattern of abuse she receives from her roommate.

The title of this thread starts off with “you immature bitch…” You’re friend Laura sounds like she’s got a way to go before her social skills are mature. Not a dig but I really hope she learns to avoid people who just abuse her friendship.


47 degrees isn’t that cold, especially when you’re walking. I don’t even wear a jacket unless it’s below 45 and raining.