For me, that will be Mr. scott evil, but he doesn’t exist yet. 
Sorry but you might have been if I hadn’t had a pop quiz LOL here is the list exactly as I wrote it down( you know you sdmb too much if you write dopers names on hhome work :D)
Obsidian Flutterby
Fretful Porpentine
Flamesterette x
Wsler
Spoofe
Spooje
Uncle Beer
Guinastasia
Nightshadea
Belladonna
deadly accurate
vw woman
Biggirl
the dearly departed STFU donny
(ok guess he did,'t count)
Triskedekamus( I know that is spelled wrong but I can’t remember how to spell it)
Lieu
daowajon
Libertarian
Coldfire
Ms robyn
Sibboleth
dalovindj
Auntie Em
Qagdap the Mercotan
Bosda di Chicor
Chique
gatopescado
robertligouri
duck duck goose
Dooku
Sauron
ivylass
Sofa king
manda JO
happyheathen
december
partly warmer
polycarp
esprix
lola coca cola
quasimodem
green bean
poopah chalupa
china guy
iteki
vinnie virginslayer
collunsbury
Goo
the devils grandmother
stoid
cartooniverse
atreyu
dantheman
…You repeat every sentence someone has said to you rolling your eyes after each one.
…You say “hijack” before butting into a conversation.
Shucks! 
Maybe next time.
Or… maybe not.
May all of your posts be interesting and well-written. May all of your threads be well-received by the teeming millions in cyber-dope land.
…You write ‘Hi Opal’ in place of the third item on the agenda for the morning meeting…
…When somebody asks you a question outside of your field, you suggest they try a different forum…
…Typing a memo in Microsoft Word, you try to format it using vB code…
You have a TON of homework, and it’s late, and you have to get up at 5:15 the next morning and take an AP test…yet you STILL can’t stop SDMBing.
Look, I am trying not to start half my sentences with, “I was reading a thread yesterday…”
Sigh.
And I wasn’t on that list-thingy. I’m insulted.
No, I gues I’m not.
…when you think “SDMB” is a verb.
Hey monica, sometimes I’m busy on here while I’m supposed to be writing an AP English paper.
And maybe I’m not on Nightlight’s top 53 dopers, but. . .but. . .but. . .what?
Yes, another doper easily distracted by shiny objects.
Your first thought when something fantastic/terrible/unbelievable happens is “this’ll make a cool thread!”
Your first thought when something mundane happens is “I wonder if I can make this interesting enough that people will want to read it.”
You actually start mentally writing the OP as it’s happening.
The SDMB, depending on the poster, is as valid a cite for you as any newsmedia site.
You can predict what another poster will say to any particular post.
When you think “flaming”, your first thought is of the Pit.
A screen name seems as natural a thing to call someone as their given name.
After 7000 posts, you’re nowhere near done. And you’ve posted the same thing in at least ten different places … some back in 2000, some in 2001, some in 2002.
You look at a thread that got bumped and immediately want to post to it.
Then you read it and see that you already did.
Your weekend plans change on a Friday with the announcement of an impromptu dopefest that night/the next day.
Your spouse/SO/best friend/confidante(s) are people you first/still knew by their screen names.
When something devastating/horrible/shocking happens, you immediately go to the board to get news about it. Often there are two or three threads about it.
You actually think servers are powered by steroid-riddled hamsters:D
In your life, there is Pre-SDMB and Post-SDMB.
Anything that happens to you or your friends you’ve probably read about happening on the boards before. At least once. Possibly in a TMI thread.
Your life is framed in terms of periods between dopefests.
You hear “dope” and immediately affix one of the following to it in your head:
straight
SDMB
-er
board
Cecil Adams.
The first thing that comes to mind when you hear “poster” is not the thing you put on your wall.
The choice between watching porn and reading the boards is difficult more often than not.
You’ve figured out a way to do both at the same time.
You’ve added pizza and beer to that.
You spend 45 minutes thinking of mundane shit like this:D
You white knuckle the table trying not to interupt your professor’s lecture to scream “CITE!” (I had this problem. The man is a Pit thread waiting to happen.)
You describe people as Pit threads waiting to happen.
You use the Dope as your primary news source…and it works decently well. (Eh. if its really important I’ll hear about it on the Dope.)
You know full well that your Kinetics class time will be spent making a list of all the Dopers you can think of.
So, I’ll be back at noon to post mine.
You shamelessly ang gleefully recall the zit-poppin’ video on the Favorite Pimple Thread to your co-workers.
In Fact, you recall ALL threads to your co-workers.
And they reply:
“…:rolleyes: …”
And then throw an absolute conniption because the boards are down and you can’t post the really great thread.
[slight hijack] Oh my god, miamouse, I saw that too! Did you see the episode of PB & J Otter (on saturday, I think) that revolved around the monster in lake Who-Ha and included a snappy musical number featuring a background chant of “Who-ha! Who-ha!” while the otter kids danced around frantically? That, my friend, was pure comic gold. I was literally in tears, with my SO staring at me the entire time as if I’d suddenly gone mad. [/slight hijack]
You know you SDMB too much when:
*You laugh at random moments over remembered posts, spit your half-chewed pear everywhere, causing you to laugh even harder, double over as you rush to the bathroom before you wet yourself, and stub your toe on the way, all the while trying to convince the SO that “no honey, I’m not laughing at you, really”. (happened last night)
*You get really offended when people scoff at online friendships, as if words on a screen appeared magically and were not directly connected to a real live human being.
*You are ridiculously excited that you made Deadly Nightlight’s list of “First 53 Dopers that Came to Mind”. 
bella
I’m actually planning to try the “how many Dopers can you name?” thing in class tonight, because if I tried it right now I would be unduly influenced by the names I’ve just read.
Yeah i wish I wouldn’t have been interruppted by a pop quiz because I prob could have kept on going and going and going- so after whenI go to class tonight I will have to try again
…when you have sat behind the keyboard for so long your legs have fallen asleep and you cannot stand up out of your chair.
So you use it as an excuse to continue reading…
belladonna and miamouse, this doesn’t relate to the thread at hand, I guess that’s called a hijack, but I have a 2 year old and my mornings are spent watching Playhouse Disney. I really like Rolie Polie Olie too. The Wiggles are the greatest thing ever invented because it keeps my son occupied so that I can do the things that have to be done in the morning. That’s great television.
OK, my contribution to this thread? When my son was born after coming home from the hospital I was up until 4:30 catching up after 3 days away.
When something good or exciting happens, you post it to the boards immediately, but it takes you 2 days to remember to tell people IRL.
My sister-in-law’s due date, BTW, is the beginning of April.