You might be an Australian if.......

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Following the lead of Amaranta in her thread about Canadian identity, I am being a dead-set *Copy-cat from Ballarat * and doing the same for Australians. Nyeh, nyeh. :smiley:

Anyways, here’s how you can call yourself an Aussie:

You know there are no such thing as dropbears, but you agree to an unwritten pact that you will perpetuate the myth, especially to US backpackers.

You know all the words to Waltzing Matilda, but only one verse of Advance Australia Fair (if that!)

You can’t remember if Australia Day is the 25th or the 26th of January. Or February. But you don’t really care because it is a Public Holiday and it means another day off.

You recognise that our national ‘heroes’ are/were probably arseholes in real life.

If you’re over 40 you will appreciate Armistice Day (11 November) for another reason altogether.

Don Bradman, Don Dunstan, Don Burrows, Ken Don(e). (Hey, I tried to keep the Don theme!! )

Cars run on petrol, not gas (unless they run on gas of course).

Everyone agrees that Collingwood (FC) sux. Of course, that is assuming that AFL rules in your state…but if your state does NOT include AFL, it ain’t worth considering of course. Hehehehe.

You know the backbone of our country is our rural produce sector, but you also know that our primary producers are the BIGGEST WHINGERS of all time. It’s either a good year, in which case the prices drop, or a bad year, in which case the prices drop. You know you’re an Aussie if you don’t see any commentary by farmers in any given 12 month period. :smiley:

You know you’re an Aussie when the brewery workers/drivers call a ‘strike’ three weeks before Xmas. You know you’re an Aussie even more when they get their ambit claims met four days before the 25th. :stuck_out_tongue:

2

…and if you know what Fairy Bread is. Double Aussie Points if you relish it.

:stuck_out_tongue:

3

I say! Goodness me!

Believing myself to be an Englishman, I took a look at your test:

  • I know all the words to Waltzing Mathilda (and even what they mean!)

  • I don’t know when either Australia Day or St. George’s Day is, but I know they are holidays in our respective countries

  • I know Ned Kelly was a criminal

  • I appreciate the terrible sacrifices Australia (and many others made) in WW2, especially at Gallipoli

  • I know who Don Bradman is (and that his Test average was 99.94 :cool: )

  • of course cars run on petrol

  • I know you get 6 points for an AFL goal - and that the ref puts both hands up to signal it (however Collingwood is currently playing in a Test v Sri Lanka :confused: )

  • I thought the backbone of Australia was Elle McPherson :smiley:

  • I have thrown a boomerang

Just how Australian am I?!

4

Slight nitpick – Gallipoli was 1915, during WWI.

5

You know how to eat Vegemite.

You know what happens on the first Tuesday in November.

If you are at the beach and someone yells out “between the flags dickhead” you know what you are doing wrong.

Your car has a boot and a bonnet.

6

Your hamburger has beetroot on it, and you like it that way.

You know that woodchopping is a sport, and can name one world champion of it.

The words ‘dagwood dog’ instantly make you think of the show.

You know that Molly can be a blokes name.

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You can sit on a rock-hard chair watching a bunch of blokes standing around doing nothing on a big oval for five days, at the end of which the ‘game’ is declared a draw…and enjoy it.

8

I had to try and help fit David Foster for a Santa Suit once. Big bloke. :smiley:

9

You know the name of the the Nullarbor Nymph.

You know about Bazza the Bunyip.

You’ve driven the Gunbarrel Highway.

The best street race in the world was the Adelaide Grand Prix.

You can name ten movie locations for Shine, including street names.

You know why Cher is not welcome in Australia.

You know the the name of the local store where Mel Gibson buys [ name them! ] for his kids when he’s in Australia. You even know Mel’s house.

You know why you can’t hang your clothes on the Big Coathanger.

You know where you can toast Chloe.

You know the exact location of the Never, Never.

You know the dingo didn’t do it.

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I didn’t know Cher is not welcome. Why is that then?

11

I fail on all of these and I *am * Australian.

12

You get a public holiday for 23 April?

13

I know where Chloe hangs out (Young and Jackson’s Pub opposite Flinders St Station in Melbourne) and I know that the Big Coathanger is not as described (it’s the Sydney Harbour Bridge) and I know that prior to becoming a megasuperstar, Mel Gibson used to live in a sleepy little town called Yackandandah (couple of k’s away from my mum and dad acksherly).

Don’t know anything about the others though. :slight_smile:

14

Now that you mention it **kambuckta ** I do recall hearing about Chloe and that pub near the station. I’ve never seen it though.

I thought the Big Coathanger reference was to one of those ghastly big “things” in which Australia abounds. I’ve never heard the Bridge referred to as the Big Coathanger. Only the Coathanger. And that only by old people.

15

Of course it’s a sport, so’s rocklifting… whaddayamean, we’re not talking about being Basque? D’oh!

16

Back in the days when Y & J’s was a trashed-out working-class watering hole, Chloe was the darling of all the pissed punters who bowed before her bountiful buxom beauty every night before last-drinks were called. Apparently the guv’ner had to get out with a whole bottle of Windex to clean all the, um, effluvia that covered the glass and frame at stumps in time to have her looking pristine and virginal by opening next day. She keeps herself a bit nicer nowadays. :smiley:

And as far as the Big Coathanger goes, yeah, I only hear the bridge described that way by old farts and unimaginative international travel journos.

Ya gotta admit though, it IS big. And it does look a bit like a coathanger. :wink:

Now, any clues as to where the Never Never is? D’ya reckon it might be just past the Black Stump?

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It’s out backa beyond.

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  • you go to McDonalds and ask for chips, just to be a curmudgeon.

  • you hate how the very natural term ‘g’day’ has become ‘quaint’, and make a point of never using it to American tourists.

  • you’re happy to be called a ‘bastard’.

  • you don’t fly the flag (but you love it anyway)

  • the republican debate is academic, because you just don’t care about the royals, rather than getting uptight about them.

  • You have deep internal personal debate over whether to watch the Sydney-Hobart yacht race or the Boxing Day Test (cricket) live. The cricket usually wins.

  • You love seeing New Zealand humiliated at any sport when they’re playing Australia, but if they’re playing somebody else, you secretly support them.

  • If you live outside Sydney, you hate Sydney. This is compulsory. If you live in Sydney, you hate Sydney too, but you also don’t every even think about anywhere else (they are all beyond the black stump, including the other state capitals).

  • Everybody hates Canberra.

  • If you live in Victoria, you hate New South Wales.

  • If you live in Queensland or the Northern Territory, you hate ‘the Southerners’.

  • If you live in Western Australia, you hate ‘the Eastern States’.

  • If you live in Tasmania, you hate the ‘Mainlanders’.

  • You have had a mobile phone since at least 1994, and you are glued to it 24/7.

  • (checks this is an American board) Despite the OP, you KNOW drop bears are real, and they are responsible for the deaths of several American tourists every year. Aren’t they, kam? Yes they are.

19

Oh, alright. I was just trying to lull our international friends into a false sense of security…apparently our tourism dollars have dropped dramatically since the last fatal dropbear attack, and, like, you know, I was trying to be patriotic and stuff.

Yes, dropbears are real, and lethal. Sorry for trying to mislead youse.

20

Well, the dropbears have been mentioned, but not the spiders and the snakes.

The average backyard around Sydney will have several species of venomous spiders – yes, I’ve seen some in my own backyard. However, don’t worry about it: although children (and adults) will play barefoot in the backyard, it’s quite rare for a pider to bite them, and if they are bitten, there are antivenemes available easily.

On the other hand, venomous snakes live away from cities and town, so I’ve not seen them outside zoos.

And I might add that all monotremes – echidnas and platypus – are venomous, too, though I don’t think humans ever get poisoned by them.

Now someone can tell you lot about sharks and crocodiles.