Your best and worst holiday season songs

Best:

  1. Winter Wonderland — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GKYYvXAN9w
  2. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! —https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EvvUUpy7Qc
  3. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFGC_YgeQ5w
  4. All I Want for Christmas is You — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY
  5. Santa Baby—sexist and offensive, yes. Eartha Kitt, Yes! Yes! Yes! — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppYGHqxwCuk

Worst—I just wish these songs would disappear from the face of the earth:

  1. Little Drummer Boy—bleargh glurge
  2. Jingle Bell Rock—oh, god, so cheesy and stupid. Gah!
  3. Do You Hear What I Hear?—guess I just hate the Harry Simeone Chorale, because this is the second hit of theirs on my worst list
  4. Silver Bells—I first saw this in a puppet version on Kukla Fran and Ollie and have never recovered
  5. Baby, It’s Cold Outside—rapey, rapey, creepy

And an honorable mention for my “worst” list—ANY AND ALL MEDLEYS! Don’t mash songs together! Please!

Despite loving parents, and some time spent in college . . . my favorite Christmas song is I BOUGHT YOU A PLASTIC STAR FOR YOUR ALUMINUM TREE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3c5SR7MP7o

Now I just returned from hearing my kid play with some of the best Hard Bop players in central AZ, so I have an idea of what “real” jazz is—but I just love the sweet simple groove of the song, the false ending, even the polished production values. The music is gooey sweet, and the cynicism of the lyrics just drips out of the speakers, but it is comfort food for my holiday musical appetite.

My second favorite is the even more novelty leaning Pearl Bailey tune FIVE POUND BOX OF MONEY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWLfSInlZ6Y

I find both songs cleaver and humorous as well as musically pleasant. On the other hand I have listened to all the traditional songs, carols, and hymns of the season most days since Halloween so part of their appeal may be that they are not mainstream. On the other hand, SANTA BABY is only “okay” in my opinion and feels like it is trying too hard to be funny and/or sassy.

Driving Home for Christmas by Chris Rea.

Fairytale of New York by Kirsty MacColl and the Pogues.

Stop the Cavalry by Jona Louie.

In Dulce Jubilo by Mike Oldfield.

It’s Cliched to be Cynical at Christmas by Half Man Half Biscuit.

Worst:

The Snowman.

Oh, I also hate “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”

Favourites:

  • White Christmas – Nice and sentimental and Bing Crosby is great.
  • The Christmas Song (“chestnuts roasting, etc.”) – Sentimental and has some nice turns of phrase.
  • Zat You, Santa Claus? – Funny lyrics and Louis Armstrong is great.

Least favourites:

  • It’s A Marshmallow World – Sorry, snow just isn’t that exciting, and it almost never looks like whipped cream
  • It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year – The time of year for roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories is summer camp. And “jingle-belling” and “hap-happiest” just sound forced.
  • I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas – It’s just stupid and not funny.

Dishonourable mention for worst lyric:

  • “Lo, he abhors not the virgin’s womb”

Oh, I forgot my favourite!

  • Bob & Doug’s 12 Days of Christmas – The other three are the “mystery days”.

Being a miserable git, my favorite pop Christmas tune is “Please Come Home for Christmas” by the Eagles.

Conversely, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” can burn in hell. Please make it stop.

Best: Merry Fucking Christmas

Worst: Everything else.

Worst: I Farted On Santa’s Lap (Now Christmas is Gonna Stink for Me)

Best: None.

I want to hear Dolly Parton’s Hard Candy Christmas.
I do not want to hear I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Ever, ever again.

Favorites: pretty much anything that has that Ray Conniff Mitch Miller sound. Takes me back to my childhood even more than actual religious songs.
And The Chipmunk Song

Worst:
baby it’s cold outside
Santa baby
anything that’s obviously someone trying too hard to make a new standard. I’d rather listen to Santa’s Super Sleigh than most of what passes for new Christmas music.

The choral version of (Let’s Have a) Patrick Swayze Christmas is a fun choice for a Christmas playlist.

I’m also fond of Santa’s Laughter Mocks the Poor for its loud social commentary.

The Christmas Shoes deserves to be cast into the firey depths of hell.

Favorite:

“Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses.
“Christmas (Bah, Bug and Hum!)” from Olive the Other Reindeer (performed by Dan Castellaneta)
"Santa Doesn’t Cop Out on Dope’ by Martin Mull
“Do You Hear What I Hear?” (especially because it’s one of the few Christmas songs about thermonuclear war).
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” One of the most pro-feminist Christmas songs ever written.

Least favorite
“Santa Baby,” unless Eartha Kitt is singing it.
Bob Dylan’s version of “Here Comes Santa Claus.”
“Must Be Santa.”

Worst and best for me:

Worst:

  1. *All I Want for Christmas is You *
    • Last Christmas *
    • Jingle Bells Rock *
      4.* Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree*
      5.* Feliz Navidad*

Best:

1.O Holy Night
2. Silent Night
3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
4. O Tennanbaum,
5. Angels We Have Heard on High

Favorites:

Breath of Heaven - Amy Grant
O Come, O Come Emmanuel
O Holy Night
A’ Soalin - Peter, Paul & Mary
Gabriel’s Message
Happy Holiday/The Holiday Season - Andy Williams
Christmas in Killarney - Bing
Mele Kalikimaka - Bing
Let it Be Christmas - Alan Jackson
Noel, Christmas Eve, 1913 - John Denver
Christmas Is A-Comin’ - Bing
Christmas Blues - Dino

Hate:
I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas
All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Susie Snowflake
Sandy Sleighfoot
Jingle Bells

Hate:
“The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Retch/

Favorite:
Weird Al Yankovic’s “Christmas at Ground Zero,” though it’s now a relic of the Cold War. Such fun.

Best: The Coventry carol

Worst: Pretty much everything else. Not because I’m a grinch, but because of massive over-playing. Although, like blindboyard above, I can occasionally just about stand a listen of Jona Lewie’s Stop the Cavalry.

Traditional Christmas carols are rarely ever played because… well I am not exactly sure why. It’s mostly Christmas schlock – the stuff I think is most hated by those who hate Christmas music.

Bob Dylan’s “Here Comes Santa Claus” IS unbearable.

However, he does a rather moving “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” on the same album. It’s like listening to your Grandpa sing it.

Best:

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
Panis Angelicus
Gesu Bambino
Cantique De Noel
Silent Night

Worst:

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer