With your dick as a baton? Didn’t the Cheetos leave it all orangy?
Anyhoo, I always play it very straight in interviews and have nothing of substance to add.
I went into a job interview for a tech support position with a big agency. During the interview I casually mentioned that I was interested in the job because my friend (who worked in a division of this agency) mentioned that the tech people at the main office didn’t know what they were doing. Of course the person interviewing me…was in charge of tech support…
Needless to say I didn’t get the job and my friend got even worse tech support from then on. DOH!
“What do you look for in a boss?”
“I’d like a boss that I can tell to go to hell if I feel that the situation warrants it.”
Hired.
I interviewed at a timeshare place that had in its waiting room lots of pics and/or posters plastered around about how much George Bush 41 and/or Ronald Reagan were their idols/were intimately connected with the owners (it’s been so long I forgot the details.)
I interrupted them once when they were asking a question:
Them: “So, if you were Al Gore and were inventing the Internet…”
Me: “…you mean the Internets.”
Hey, you gotta have equal time 
(My actual response was if I were inventing the Internet from scratch, I’d retool sendmail to better weed out spam.)
Not so much a job interview as a conversation with a smarmy head hunter type over the phone:
Head hunter: “My client is looking for someone who can walk on water.”
Me: “Well I can’t do that. But I can turn it into wine before I fall in.”
Someone I know who was collecting unemployment and didn’t want to get hired:
Interviewer:What is your greatest Weakness?
Wiseass: I don’t like working with those people. (Long Pause) You don’t have any of those people working here, do you?
I: What do you mean?
W: You know (Leans in, looks all around, lowers voice): Those people.
He stayed on unemployment for six months.
My favorite answer that usually gets a laugh… “Well… If a computer had legs, I could make it dance a jig.”
I like that. Because it could be ANYONE, but the interviewer will fill in the blanks with their own assumptions which you can then deny and replace with something insane like.
“Goddamned gingers…I hates them!”
When I interviewed for my first game industry job (in tech support), they asked me beforehand to prepare a one page list of all the games I had ever played. When that question came up, I handed over a page densely covered in 8 point Arial Narrow print, with narrow margins, and broken down into platforms. I got the job. (Well, that wasn’t the only reason, but it helped.)
Just testing that out, to see which was more/less impressive 
In a tedious questions-from-sheet interview, I got ‘tell me about the last book you read’. So I waffled about Foucault’s Pendulum for a short while.
Clearly, the writer of the set questions thought they’d catch people out by asking ‘what did you read before that?’ Ummmm, Foucault’s Pendulum.
Oh, one more, when asked anything I’d noticed about the music store which could be improved, I pointed out that many of the labels in the Classical section were spelt incorrectly, and that ‘Vaughan-Williams’ doesn’t go under W. I don’t think they expected that from a spotty 16-year-old looking for (and getting) a Saturday job. 