Your Fun (or not-so-fun) Airport Stories

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

corkboard, are you aware that these aren’t general standby tickets that any person can acquire - they’re flight privileges that employees are given as a perquisite of their employment?

How is it silly that the airline is requiring an employee using an employee benefit on company property to dress in a professional manner? You might not think anything of finding out that the person in shorts next to you is an airline employee, but I’ll bet that the worst dressed person on the flight would be the one to complain to corporate about how one of their employees was a slob.

The twist on this was that you weren’t supposed to let any of the paying passengers know that you were an employee (while making sure that the flight attendants did). I’m sure that there were plenty of passengers leaving Hawaii or Orlando wondering why anyone would wear a suit and tie to fly on an airplane.

Mom worked for AA since I was in kindergarten (late 60s), and we just grew up indoctrinated in the dress rules. Essentially, if you wanted to get a seat in first class, you had to dress in business clothes - suit & tie for the guys, dress or skirt and hose for the gals. You could get into coach in what we would now call business casual; however, if the only seats available were in first class, you wouldn’t be able to get them, so we always wore the more formal clothes. They relaxed the dress rules probably about the time that most corporations moved to business casual as the dress standard. They also widened the qualifications of who could fly on the perk - when I was growing up, it was immediate family only. Just in time for me to graduate college, it expanded to non-dependent children and extended family; maybe at the same time or later it extended to friends flying with the employee.

102

Interesting tales of air travel:

On a flight to Chicago, the landing was particularly rough. We taxied to a square painted on the tarmac and stopped. The pilot announced that our gate wasn’t ready and that’s why we were stopped. The flight attendant got on the intercom and quipped “Don’t let him fool you folks. He’s been put in the penalty box for that landing”
I was flying out of Farmington NM on a puddle jumper and a very strong cold front hit the airport around the time we took off. We flew into it then had turn 180 degrees to get going in the right direction. Halfway through the turn (in midair), the plane slid several hundred feet down, much like sliding down a hill on a sled. Mind you, if that had been the only thing to happen, it wouldn’t have been a bad flight, but the plane was too small to get above the weather, so it was one of the bumpiest rides I’ve ever been on.

I flew a commuter flight from DFW to Houston once on business - knowing that I wouldn’t have time to get breakfast, I brought a pastry with me. The flight was so small that not only did the flight attendant have a regular comedy routine for the pre-flight instructions (she probably said it 6-8 times a day), but when I got out my breakfast, she asked me if I had brought enough for everyone.

103

As of 2000, I could fly D3 b/c my brother worked there, but my wife could not. Not sure after that, he left.

He also made us pay the sales tax on our standby ticket b/c he had to pay it, which adds up for longer flights. At times before 9/11 I could fly from SFO to DFW more cheaply buying full fare through Travelocity or something similar.

104

I have a ton of them. My favorite was when I had just been hired by my company, gotten my passport and was off to Subic Bay with my new manager. We get to manilla to get the puddle jumper to Subic, and Philippines Customs wont let my boss in the country because his passport expires in less than 6 months. Needless to say, I had never been out of the country before, so I was a wee aprehensive. I spent the weekend in manilla and managed to navigate my way to the other little airport and caught the plane, made my meetings with a bunch of people I obviously did not know. Had to let them know that boss got caught at the border and was turned back.
On a later trip we went from Subic to Hong Kong on a 2 am flight. That was when I informed my boss of my rule not to wake a naked man, and we just cruised on into the country.
Got to sit across the aisle from Jerry Lee and some younger (40’s ish) woman. He looked like Darth Vader’s Boss.
Only got sick on one flight, but it was a doozy. filled 2 air sickness bags and was working on another. fortunately the flight was not full and they were able to relocate the poor guy next to me. This was a very short flight from Frankfurt to Amsterdam.

105

I was on a flight sitting next to a woman who spent every available moment before take off on her cell phone trying to convince her brother to go into rehab (she even offered to drive him). And as soon as we landed she was back on the phone to continue the call. I would think you’d like some sort of privacy for a conversation like that.

106

Parents can get passes to go to the gate even now. My kids have flown many times since my divorce. If there isn’t one older than 16 in the group, you pay extra and they get an escort. (This is humiliating to them.)

Even now, I can usually get a pass to go to the gate because my son’s 18 but physically handicapped. Most airline people are pretty easy-going about it.

They give you a pass that looks like a boarding pass but isn’t, and you go through security, and you can meet the kids at the gate. Underage kids aren’t allowed to wander around: they have to be with a parent or with a paid escort.

My own airline story: my now-ex husband and I were the only two people on a flight to Dallas. We plopped down about halfway down the aisle, and the male flight attendant told us we needed to sit at the very back of the plane, because the weight would make a difference. (The two of us weighed less than 300 pounds.)

We laughed until we realized he was serious. While we waited for the plane to taxi out, we watched our two suitcases being loaded into the plane, followed by a boatload of ballast: broken tables and chairs and random stuff they found around the airport.

Once we were in the air, it was delightful. The pilot came on the intercom and said, “Eric and Syncope, we will be taking off shortly!” And later, he said, “Eric and Syncope, we will be cruising at blah blah feet,” and “Eric and Syncope, if you look out the left side of the airplane, you will see blah blah cool thing!” And “Eric and Syncope, we will arrive in Dallas in blah blah minutes!”

Our flight attendant was at attention. He went through the whole safety spiel, just for us, while we giggled. He asked us several times if we’d like a beverage, or more peanuts.

They seemed to enjoy catering to us, probably because we thought it was just the funnest thing that had ever happened in our redneck lives.

We were rock stars that day!

107

A paid escort!? Good heavens. :wink:

108

This video fits in this thread.

109

In Bangkok, we just park 'em in the brothel. :smiley:

110

Early morning at Toronto Pearson. My (then) wife and I are relocating from Ontario to Calgary. But we have three cats, and they’re travelling with us (riding in their carriers in the cargo hold), and we need to check them in too.

At the “special luggage” check in, we’re delayed; owing to the people in front of us thinking that the staff there can knock together a kennel for their hunting dog in less than thirty minutes. My wife and I would like to get through this quickly, so the cats are in the care of the airline and we’re not juggling lots of luggage as well as cats. Unlike the party in front of us, our cats are prepared: each is in their own carrier, labelled with their names and the time of their last food and water, along with my cell number and other contact information. The cats are understandably on edge–the airport is an unfamiliar environment with more people, scents, and sounds than they’ve ever experienced, and the presence of the excited hunting dog on a leash isn’t helping. Annie is hissing at everything in sight, Shiloh is huddled in a corner of her carrier, terrified, and Denver is–

Well, Denver simply is. Normally quite shy and not afraid to lash out at strangers who got too close, Denver is at the grilled door of his carrier, taking it all in. His eyes were wide, he followed people passing by. He was interested and engaged–something we certainly didn’t expect. We thought he would be huddled in the rear of his carrier. But he wasn’t.

A family walked by–Mom, Dad, and Daughter, who was perhaps five years old. She saw our cat carriers.

“Ooh, kitty!” And she wandered over, and put her fingers through the grill on Denver’s carrier. I moved to intervene, just in case.

But Denver just purred and nuzzled the girl’s fingers. I pulled up and watched.

“It says his name is ‘Denny’,” her father said. “Can you say, ‘Denny’?” (I had put Denver’s name as “Denny” on his carrier, lest he be rerouted to Colorado instead of Calgary. That was okay, as that was what we often called him and he knew it as well as he knew “Denver.”)

“Den-ny!” the girl said. “Denny! Hi, Denny!” More fingers, more purrs, more nuzzles. A paw came up to touch the girl’s fingers–but no claws. Denver was a perfect gentleman. He just touched the girl’s fingers with his paw pads, and even gave her fingers a lick. This delighted the girl. “Denny’s kissing me! He has a rough tongue!”

The family had to go. “Bye-bye, Denny,” the girl called. “Have a nice trip. Bye-bye!” Denver watched her go until she and her family were out of sight. Then he went back to just watching people. Nobody else came up to say hello to him.

Eventually, the cats were checked in, and an airline employee put them on a cart and took them away to where they needed to go (thankfully, the cats were not subjected to conveyor belts and laser scans of baggage tags–at least not as far as we knew).

And there they were when we got to our destination–Annie had clawed enough at her carrier that there was a bit of blood, and Shiloh had peed a lot, but Denver came through like a veteran traveller.

After a few days in our new place, Denver was back to his normal shy self. Guests in our home were people to be avoided; unless and until they were around often enough that he got to know them. And even then, they might get a swipe with claws.

And that was what was perhaps most curious. Confronted with a big and busy airport; complete with a large and unfamiliar dog; stressed owners (and other travellers); and more people, smells, and sounds than he had ever seen in his life, Denver came out of his shell for a little while. More, he was pleasant and polite to a stranger.

I don’t know if this is an “airport” story or a “cat” story; and I have no idea if it is fun or not. But I guess it can contribute to the thread.

111

My stories thus far…
I was on holidays in Tahiti and caught a flight from Bora Bora to Papeete. I was waiting for my for my bag at the only working luggage carousel and one of the pieces of luggage to come out was a poorly constructed wooden crate that had some fisherman’s morning catch of lobster and fish. Unfortunately for the waiting fishermen, directly behind it was a large suitcase that proceeded to smash the box and release the contents. It was quite a sight to see the fishermen try to catch the fish and lobsters amid all the jumping tourists.

Anyone who has flown on Aeroflot knows what an adventure it can be. My colleagues and I were on a charter from Moscow to Atyrau ( Kazakhstan ) flying on a very old looking Tupelov whose cabin reeked of jet fuel. Midway through the trip, the pilot announced that they had to make an emergency landing and that the flight attendants would come through the cabin looking for any liquids that the passengers might have. After a bumpy descent and landing the pilots revealed that they had a small leak in the hydraulic system and were using the fluids to maintain enough pressure to land. We landed at an old military base at around 02h00 and had to wait on the ground for several hours until a replacement plane came.

On a Sabena flight to Luanda in early 1997, I was one row behind the former Princess Diana. She was going there to visit with victims of the many landmines that were in place - and still are - from the civil war. I thought there might have been a couple of large SAS men with her to keep riffraff like me away from her, but it was just a couple of other ladies traveling with her. She was quite interested in hearing what we thought about how Angolans were doing as the conflict was going on and what we thought the future would look like after the end of hostilities. Sadly, she died later that year.

The following year, the government of Angola elected to provide support the government of Democratic Republic of Congo, then ruled by President for Life Laurent Kabila. Our operations and camp facilities were in the Province of Cabinda and the planes to Europe that we took to head back and forth to home ( we worked a rotational schedule ) made a stop in Kinshasa to drop off troops and supplies. To prevent an accidental missile attack, the plane ( big Sabena 747 ) had to make a slow, low pass over the airport with just the tail illuminated. If the airport spotters did not see that big blue “S” they had orders to fire. The pilots told us that the light was tested before every flight.:eek:

I have many more stories…

112

One of my favorite airport WTF moments happened when Hubs and I flew out to Orlando in Feb 2002. We were in the Orlando airport, had just had dinner at a crappy fast food place and were wandering around a bit before we had to go through security so we could wait to board our flight. I had an absurdly large styrofoam to-go cup of Dr. Pepper still in my hand, about half full, when Hubs says “I think we should probably go through Security now.”. I’m like, “Meh. Ok.”. Only I forgot to toss my cup before we tried to go through. Before I even put my stuff on the belt in a plastic tub or go through the metal detector, the security guard takes my cup away. :confused: He walks away for a second and lifts the lid and swirls the contents and takes a good hard sniff. I guess he was checking for alcohol?:confused: Then he comes back and says I have to throw it away…he doesn’t trust there might not be explosive materials IN MY DRINK.:eek::stuck_out_tongue:

113

Sorry if you’ve already been answered, I’m still working through the thread.

If you’re an employee of an airline and flying on an employee discount there is a dress code. It’s usually “business casual”, but sometimes it can be relaxed at the discretion of the ticket agent. Maybe sometimes it can’t, probably depends on the airline. Shorts/miniskirts/tank tops/open-toe sandals are usually not permitted. I always wear long pants or a below-the-knee skirt, long sleeves (or a sweater with a tank top under) and closed-toe shoes when I’m flying on my husband’s pass just to avoid any hassles.

One time in Cancun there were a whole bunch of employees flying standby back to Toronto. My husband and I were dressed “business casual” and got bumped up to business class. A couple (standby employees too) who were not dressed up to the dress code walked past us to the back of the plane…the woman was wearing a halter top and miniskirt and gave us dirty looks…my husband chuckled and said quietly to me “Well obey the dress code then if you want to get bumped up!”

114

I have a couple, although these might be more “Flight” stories, rather than “Airport” stories.

Way back in 1978, I was 16 years old and flying from Indonesia back to the USA by myself. My mom made me a belted “money pouch” that I was supposed to wear buckled around my waist under my shirt. I grumbled about wearing it, but knew I wasn’t going to win any arguments. She had made it big enough to keep my passport in it, so that was pretty cool, I guess.

I went from Jakarta to Singapore and then boarded a Singapore Airlines 747 for the flight to Japan. It was a late-night flight and there were about 8 of us in coach. We each took an entire row of 3 seats, so after takeoff, I was stretched out with my back against the window. Actually, very comfy.

We very nearly had a 1:1 ratio of stewardesses to passengers in coach. And, I will tell you right now, Singapore Airlines has always had a reputation of having the most gorgeous flight attendants.

Anyway, we land at Narita airport in Japan around 3 in the morning for a 1 or 2 hour layover. This was about 1 or 2 weeks after Narita airport had opened, and there had been quite a few demonstrations and protests about the airport’s opening. Anyway, I got off the plane to stretch my legs and walked up and down this completely empty terminal.

I headed back to the plane and was stopped by a bored looking airport employee with a metal-detecting wand, flanked by two soldiers with submachine guns. I distinctly remember the guns being slung over their shoulders, barrels pointing harmlessly at the ceiling.

The bored employee starts wanding me when all of a sudden, he gets to my right waist area. The wand lets out a loud WHOOOP and he freezes. The two guards immediately come to life and both submachine guns are instantly lowered until they are pointing at me. One of them motions to me to put my hands up.

I’m not sure whose eyes were wider … the guy with the wand or mine.

I leave one hand in the air and gently tug my shirttail up out of my pants. Finally, the money belt can be seen. It had somehow slipped around and the metal buckle and the metal zipper were all at my right side.

The airport guy undid the money belt, examined it, and then wanded me again. Thankfully, there was no more noise.

I got on that plane not feeling the least bit tired!

When I graduated from high-school, I flew from Jakarta to Hawaii, by way of Sydney. I had chosen a bulkhead seat so I could have a little more leg room. It turned out that one of my teachers was on the same flight. In fact, she was sitting next to me. With her 3-month-old baby.

We took off and immediately, the baby started fussing. I braced my feet against the bulkhead and we made a soft bed on the floor for the baby, but it didn’t really help. I was not looking forward to the 8-or-9 hour trip (or whatever it was) being cramped in that position.

The stewardess handling our section finally had pity on me and she came to me and said, “Sir, would you please get your bags and follow me?”

May that stewardess and all of her children and her children’s children be blessed forevermore. She gave me a seat in Business Class where it was considerably roomier and quieter.

I had a flight from Los Angeles to Dallas where the kid behind me kicked my seat constantly. I could have strangled the kid’s dad.

I had to catch a red-eye flight from Los Angeles to Washington DC. I ended up getting sat in a row that was right in front of the emergency exit. This seat had a wall behind it and could not recline.

There were only 2 seats in the row, and I had the window seat. When my seat partner sat down, I said to him, “Do you sleep on airplanes? I can’t sleep on airplanes, so if you would like to have the window seat, you can rest your head on the wall and I will be able to get out and stretch my legs.”

He replied, “Nah, you keep it. I can’t sleep on planes either.”

Shortly after takeoff, they brought the drink cart around and he ordered Scotch and soda. He filled his glass to the rim, took a small sip, placed the glass on his tray table … and fell asleep.

Every time we hit a little turbulence, some of his drink would spill, dripping onto my leg. I tried to pull the glass from his fingers, but he was out cold. Then, I realized I really, really, for sure seriously, had to pee.

I tapped his shoulder. I shook his arm. I coughed in his ear. I tried climbing over the back of my seat but couldn’t, due to my height and the curve of the airplane.

I finally called the stewardess over and she got him to open his eyes. He mumbled, “Sorry,” drained his drink, raised his table, and stood to let me out. I made my way to the back of the plane to the bathroom. When I came back, he was zonked out again. I ended up standing for the remainder of the flight.