When my son was a toddler he got into my wife’s panty liners and stuck them everywhere! Hilarity ensued, as one or two had gotten stuck on me, and I acted like I didn’t know they were there (don’t discount the practice of annoying your wife on purpose ). I took them off as my wife and I went to run errands later that day. We’re at the bank when a lady comes up and says to me a meek little voice: “sir you have something on your behind!”
Yep you guessed it. I had a panty liner stuck to my ass. My wife was mortified, I was belly laughing.
You just reminded me an oops moment from when I was a kid at the baby sitters. I decided to run outside at full speed while yelling “SUPERMAAAAAANNNNNN!!!” My intention was to press the handle on the glass storm door on the way out, where it would open up and I’d cruise on outside.
Um yeah… it didn’t work that way. I went hand, then head first through the storm door, shattering the glass everywhere. Amazingly I was unharmed. This was in the late 60s / early 70s.
Well, minus the “Superman” part. Just rushing out a door and not quite getting the handle fully depressed before my face bounced off the glass with a loud “DONK!” Never broke the glass though.
One day when I was about 10, my friend and I decided to jump on my trampoline with a lawnchair. One of us would jump while the other would try and stay sitting on the lawnchair while being bounced in the air. Luckily, one of the legs of the lawnchair ended up going through the trampoline so we stopped playing before we had a chance to injure ourselves.
Later on, my mom discovered the hole we left in the trampoline and asked me how it got there. I told her that I didn’t know, and so to this day she assumes that it was our drunk tennants who ruined the trampoline.
ahh, little kids are so clueless. cartoons often affect a child mind. my parents learned this about me at a young age.
i must’ve been three or four at the beach with my parents and my older sister who was maybe seven or eight at the time. all the sudden, a man with an eye patch walks down the beach. me, being the youngest didn’t understand so…“LOOK MOMMY! A PIRATE!” it made perfect sense to me: a guy with an eye patch on a beach. unfortunetly, my mom told me he was just a normal guy.
this hasn’t been let go yet…in fact my dad had to have eye surgery one year and came home with an eye patch. only THIS time my sister who was fifteen comes out with “look! daddy’s a pirate!” you can only imagine how pissed he was.
the only thing that could’ve topped it was a story that my sister brought home on easter from her college. one of her friends has a four year old daughter and a german shepperd. the friend gives the girl a cookie and she runs off with it. the dog follows. little children often repeat most of what their parents say, right? this is one of those cases. apparently, the dog ate the daughters cookie. the little girl comes back in the kitchen and says “THAT B*TCH STOLE MY COOKIE!”
At about seven or eight, my sister and I found tadpoles in a local waterhole, and for the lack of anything better to do, we went tadpoling with a small skimming net. We brought home the tadpoles in a garden bucket of water.
To this day I have no idea what we were supposed to do with an hundred or more tadpoles in a bucket in the garage. We didn’t think that far ahead.
Fortunately the family dog had a fair idea what use they could be put to. We found the next morning that she’d ensured we didn’t need to devote any more thought to the matter. My younger sister was almost inconsolable. I started thinking about what other animals we could get the dog to eat.
I see no problem with this scenario. As we had a crab apple tree by a road, we zinged many an apple at any passerby, but I resolutely did not urinate on anyone like that stupid kid, Evan, down the street. That was gross!
Here’s one courtesy of the St.Mary’s 3rd grade boys class of 79’:
Typical Tuesday all school mass along with members of the community. Boys were always seperated from the girls so the 15 or so of us guys ended up front row center. The way the pews are set up is so the pew in front of you acts as a handrail/ songbook holder / kneeler. Since the front row doesn’t have a pew in front of it a free-standing barrier attached to posts anchored into the floor does the trick.
So, as is typical with 9 year-old boys attending catholic mass we were bored out of our skulls. As we stood with our hands on the barrier we could feel if someone shook it down at the other end. So we played our games silently such as somebody shakes it at one end while the rest of us tried to hold it as stationary as possible. Then suddenly as if through some simultaneous divine inspiration we all started to move the barrier in sync. A non-verbal “heave-ho-heave-ho” as we got the barrier to sway. Teamwork at it’s finest. We got it swaying pretty good, a good 5 inches each way. Awesome! “heave-ho-heave-h… CRAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKK…BOOM!”
We had managed to rip the entire 25’x3’ barrier right off of it’s anchors and let it drop with a thunderous boom.
We again must have all had the same idea because we all just stood there wide eyed looking down with a “Holy shit, did you just see what happened, we were just standing there, we could have been killed, that thing just fell over by itself”.
Father Dan saw right through us though and just scowled at us from the altar as if silently damning each one of us to our own personal hellfire.
Don’t try that when you’re 45. Consider me the voice of experience in this matter. My knees still haven’t forgiven me; the left one in particular makes lots of crunchy sounds these days.
RR
If it makes you feel any better, my 7 year old has already broken THREE windows. One with a bouncy ball, one with castanets, and one with his knee. Sigh. Good scar on the knee, though
Heh. Those fish in my earlier post? They had a run-in with tadpoles too, later that year.
Like you and your sister, some small friends and I caught a whole bunch in a big mucky puddle. I brought mine home, and my parents told me that they needed to be in water, so they put them in with the fish.
Of course, the next morning, the fish were happy, but the tadpoles were no where to be found. My parents tried to convince me that they grew legs over night and let themselves out, but even then I didn’t believe them.
To this day I don’t know if they knew that the fish would eat them, or if it was a learning experience for all three of us…
). I took them off as my wife and I went to run errands later that day. We’re at the bank when a lady comes up and says to me a meek little voice: “sir you have something on your behind!”
